So, i was sitting there in my philosophy class trying to crack my back in my chair, and this hot girl saw me. I mean she is really, really hot. I have kind of a thing for her for the last couple months, and we smile at each other and stuff, but she sits far away, so we don’t usually say much more than “hi”. Anyway, she saw me doing that and it was before class actually started, so we could move around and stuff, so she came up and offered to crack my back for me, and i thought it was kind of weird, but i accepted. So, i stand up and she crosses my arms in front of me and stands right behind me and sort of picks me up onto her and bounces me (have you ever seen people crack backs this way? i have, but it is hard to explain)
Anyway, it wasn’t working, so she tried a huge bounce. Something popped really loudly, but then when she set me down i couldn’t feel my legs it was like they were totally asleep. So i collapsed in a heap on the ground, my legs going off in weird directions. Then i heard a really loud farting noise and proceeded to diarrhea in my pants, i was so embarrassed and i looked up at her face and she was just disgusted and everybody was like what the hell is going on so i tried to get up and run away, but my legs didn’t work. I couldn’t move, and over the next thirty seconds or so, my colon emptied really loudly. My teacher was really mad and thought i was just being a freak shietting on the floor, but after a while, they realized i wasn’t kidding around and called an ambulance.
So i went to the hospital, and as it turns out when she cracked my back somehow my spinal cord got pinched between my vertebrae and they straightened it out with some emergency surgery and now I am completely fine.