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Today is the first day of the rest of my life

December 5, 2011 | 3 Comments » | Topics: Dating

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(via)

Today, things will be different.

Today I will wake up and look in the mirror with a big fat grin — why? Because I’m one sexy motherfcuker. I might have three eyes, acne craters like mars and slanted as fcuk cheekbones but it DOESN’T matter, because I am thebaddest motherfcuker around, and despite all my genetic defects I rock that shiet like a champion. I own my body, because this is MY fcuking body, and you might have one that’s better shaped but you can’t rock yours better than me. Because I’m fcuking awesome, and as far as I’m concerned, I’m the sexiest motherfcuker on this planet.

Today I will put on whatever the fcuk I think looks cool and walk out the door with a big fcuking grin on my face. I’m going to say hi to that old lady with the dog and give a sly grin at the hunny walking down the street. Do I look creepy? Who the fcuk cares, I’m me. I’m gonna walk into class/work with that same fcuking grin like I just got laid by Jennifer Lopez. I’m gonna say hi to the prof/boss and all the students/co-workers. Then I’m gonna go plop myself down next to that cute girl I’ve always wanted to talk to and introduce myself. It won’t matter what the fcuk I say, because I’m fcuking awesome — I can say whatever the fcuk I want it’ll sound cool. And if she’s cold to me? She just lost her shot at one of the coolest bastard around.

Then I’m going to go to the fcuking gym, and pump iron like a boss. It doesn’t matter what the fcuk I’m pumping — I might be in the same gym as Ronnie Coleman, but I am going to rock those 20 pounders like a BOSS and make Coleman look like a pussy. Why? Because I’m the fcuking coolest. You might be working a higher weight, but guess what motherfcuker, that’s not gonna last.

This is how I’m going to live my life. Society is built with insecure, depressed nuts, spending their lives trying to reinforce the status quo because they’re afraid of standing out. The put you down, and try and stratify you as fat, ugly, beta. We aren’t motherfcuking betas, gents, we aren’t even alphas. We’re our own god damned species that’s transcended these idiotic societal rules. We define our reality. Sure, the rest of the world might disagree — but they’re depressed little drones, while we’re mindlessly happy, and the happy, care-free and joyous reality will always win over those around.

Go forth, be the kings of your fcuking domain, don’t give the slightest fcuk what anyone says because they’re projecting their own insecurities on you (in other words, they’re regurgitating the self-defeating talk they give to themselves when they want to let loose but are too afraid to). You are a man who’s gone through the pains of being shoved into a crater of society, and now you’ve broken out. So shove a toothpick in your mouth, wear that rediculous hat you love and rock out with your cocks out guns a blazing because the world is your oyster, and don’t let anybody tell you otherwise.

Peace out brethren.

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  • racoonteur

    If you have to tell yourself how awesome you are all the time to help yourself believe it then you decidedly not cool. Being cool is about being authentic, not about trying to squeeze yourself into a pre-conceived notion of what it takes to be cool.

  • racoonteur

    If you have to tell yourself how awesome you are all the time to help yourself believe it then you decidedly not cool. Being cool is about being authentic, not about trying to squeeze yourself into a pre-conceived notion of what it takes to be cool.

  • Dan

    REALTALK, man!!!