On being an Authentic Man

December 14, 2011 | No Comments » | Topics: Dating

authentic man


Seduction and game fascinate me. So many different thoughts, philosophies and theories combined, interpreted and reinterpreted to many different lives, lifestyles and contexts. I’ve taken in as much information as I can, and as I’ve begun to practise it I’ve developed a theory of my own behind it, as broad a concept in order to reach the root of what we consider game to be.

One of the great dismays of adulthood is that we cannot separate the aspects (or indeed lack thereof) of our lives; our work-lives, family-lives, love-lives and social-lives are unmistakeably intertwined due to a common factor – Ourselves. It’s easy to focus on one aspect. Like the basement nerd, or the workaholic, the mummy’s boy or even the player; none of these have particularly positive connotations, and they are unhealthy because the individual is struggling to find validation along a single branch of their life. Branches are a good metaphor for this, the further along you go the weaker the branch and the greater likelihood of a fall. That is to say, to seek validation in any one aspect can only take you so far, and you never know when you might lose that tenuous support.

A far stronger alternative is to be the tree trunk, which supports each branch flawlessly and continuously grows. To balance each different aspect and the responsibilities that come with it will provide an internal validation, you may look at yourself and say “Look at how complete the mastery of my life is, look how I can embody these roles as the same person, how I can be the dutiful son, the industrious worker, the social butterfly and the Casanova when other men are content to simply be one of these.”

I call this state the authentic man as a reference to Sartre’s ideas of ‘living in authenticity’. You face up to your responsibilities and truly own your own life. Each action you take has meaning because you have owned your circumstances, you have effected change by the strength of your will and the force of your action and the consequences, good or bad, are yours. You realise that when you do not act, you allow external forces to affect you, the action is not yours but the consequences are still owned by you.

This is perfect for seduction, when you have taken control of your responsibilities there is nothing that weighs on your mind, nothing to affect your state. Anything a girl asks about your life you have the perfect answer for, because you have refined and perfected that aspect. You are freed from AFC behaviour by this authenticity of action with regards to your thoughts. You do not shy away from your responsibilities; you do not shy away from the very instincts of manhood. You have no need to make declarations of affection to a girl; she already knows you want to be around her because your touch shows her this (kino). She already knows you want to get to know her because you ask the right questions to tap into the roots of her passions. She knows you find her gorgeous because the tone of your voice tells her your thoughts and your eyes are gazing into hers. You don’t suffer from fixations or oneitis because you have everything you need in life; you are just indulging your desires. You do not feel inferior or unsuitable to any girl because you are the complete man, and that is more any woman is looking for and the most a woman can ask for. You have no reason to feel challenged by another male in your pursuit even though they may seem superior to you in some aspect, because you outstrip him in all others. You will not feel any approach anxiety because you have nothing to be anxious about.

Taking control of your responsibilities and fulfilling them sounds like a lot of work, and people have become very successful with women without doing so. But I consider even taking steps towards living in authenticity to be vastly superior to the concept of the alpha-male and ‘faking it until you make it’, to fake it you have to constantly second guess your actions to make sure you’re acting in the ‘ideal’ way, you lock yourself in your own head. Whereas by actually staking stock and devising practical solutions to your life, you are given the confidence of a man who knows what he wants and how he gets it. That is the mark of a great man in the making.

I don’t mean to share an ideal state and then leave people to puzzle about to attain it. I wish I could say with authenticity (see what I did there?) that I have reached this state. I haven’t, but in working towards it I sometimes get glimpses of how it feels. Everyone will have to reach this in their own way, I only offer one idea which will not be novel to anyone familiar with anything self-help.

I sat down with a pen and paper and my favourite music in the background. I thought about my life, considered where I was successful and where I was failing. I was as open and honest with myself as I could possibly be. Then I wrote basic goals to get into the career I wanted to, to get the body I wanted to have, to have the interests and abilities I wanted to. I was specific in my desires, and the steps to take but I did not expect too much of myself. Now every evening before I go to sleep I write down a task list for the next day, I wake up, exercise and try to tick off every item, sometimes I don’t manage it, and I have good days and bad days, but every day I know I’m making a step towards living in authenticity.