Challenge Of The Day: Read These Chris Rock Quotes And Try Not To Laugh

January 18, 2012 | 5 Comments » | Topics: Funny Pictures

chris rock quotes

A man is only as faithful as his options.

Every town has the same two malls: the one white people go to and the one white people used to go to.

Gun control? We need bullet control! I think every bullet should cost 5,000 dollars. Because if a bullet cost five thousand dollar, we wouldn’t have any innocent bystanders.

I don’t get high, but sometimes I wish I did. That way, when I messed up in life I would have an excuse. But right now there’s no rehab for stupidity.

If a woman tells you she’s twenty and looks sixteen, she’s twelve. If she tells you she’s twenty-six and looks twenty-six, she’s damn near fourty.

You don’t pay taxes – they take taxes.

Don’t argue! You cannot win, you cannot beat a woman in a arguement. It’s impossble you will not win. Cause men, we are handicapped when it comes to arguing cause we have a need to make sense”

“Never go to clubs with metal detectors. Sure it feels safe inside. But what about all those niggas waiting outside with guns? They know you ain’t got one.”

“You won’t be able to take your eyes off the next four presenters: Salma Hayek and Penelope Cruz.”

If a kid calls his grandma “Mommy” and his mama “Pam”, he’s going to jail!

Men lie the most, women tell the biggest lies … a man lie is, “I was at Kevin’s house!” A woman lie is like, “It’s your baby!”

Every time a man’s being nice to you [women], he’s offering you dick.

I mean, they don’t grade fathers. But if your daughter’s a stripper, you fcuked up.

A bunch of girls say, “You don’t need no man to help you raise no child” … shut the fcuk up with the bullshiet! Yeah, you could do it without a man, but that don’t mean it’s to be done! Shiet, you can drive a car with your feet if you want to, that don’t make it a good fcuking idea!

Nothing more racist than a old black man, you know why? ‘Cause the old black man went through some real racism. He ain’t go through that “I can’t get a cab” shiet. He was the cab! White man just jump on his back: “Main Street!”