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For All The Guys Out There Looking To Improve Their Inner Game, You Need To Read This Article.

January 30, 2012 | 1 Comment » | Topics: Dating

How i rebuilt myself

(via)

Basically, this is how I changed my life,

Starting Point

I was 25, only had 1 girlfriend who I lost virginity to. Small kid in highschool, I was the picked on, geeky kid. No real romantic involvement until my first girlfriend at 17(lasted 8 years). Had a crush on my best friend from 14-17, we hung out everyday, never really made a move(fml). I really believed no girl would find me sexy. I had never called a girl, flirted with one, gone on a date, none of that. At 25. This was 2 years ago.

However I had a lot of positives going for me. First, I had insane confidence in my abilities to learn and live life. Even though I didn’t think a girl would be sexually attracted, I have a great career, lot of interesting skills and a great life. I believed I had value and I trusted myself to act correctly. Second, I am a performer(actor, magician), since a young age I’ve loved being the center of attention, even in beta ways. This helped me be comfortable at opening and telling stories, even though stories had a lot of low value qualities in them.

Beliefs

From a young age, I realized I could get through school by being a class clown, backing down when bullied. Once that worked, and it was how my social circle saw me, any attempt to act as the alpha or popular was met with resistance. You see this all the time, you can take a popular kid, move them to a new school and next thing you know they are a goth kid getting picked on. The “alphas” are not alpha by special talent or ability, they took the role at a young age by chance, and continually were self-reinforced in that role. This means your “role” is achoice, and you can change it anytime you want.

It is pretty much proven that if you constantly think negative sad thoughts, you will be sad. If you think positive thoughts, you will be happy. We are what we think, and what we think is a controllable process. If you can’t stop thinking “I’m so worthless, I can’t attract a woman”, then you won’t be able to.

This is a natural process, and it is a good one. (within reason, when monitored) If you go through life looking for X, then you will find evidence for X where you might not have seen it, and ignore conflicting evidence. If you look for Y, then same thing, meaning you might ignore X. This has a huge impact on your life, and it places extreme importance on what you are looking for and expect to find rather than the data(experience) itself. So if you go out, expect to find women who are attracted to you, rather than looking for reasons they aren’t.

Random high quality people you meet have no idea who you are as a person. No one really does, and we can’t take weeks to judge people. So we expect everyone to self-broadcast their social standing, and if unsure we test them, if they respond to the test then we believe them. If you “Hack” the system, there is no way for them to challenge you. How could Brad Pitt prove he is a successful guy and sex symbol if stuck in some bar in the middle of nowhere with people that haven’t seen his movies? What would stop you from acting the same and convincing an entire bar you are a movie star?

If your goal is to get 20 #’s or to kiss 2 girls, and then you don’t get that due to random chance, then you failed. You feel sad, you wonder what went wrong. Screw that! You should focus on doing your best, having a good time. Don’t be outcome dependent! Just do your best, and trust yourself. This avoids collecting evidence against your progress and stops you from giving yourself reasons to fail. Often my goal is just “Make someone smile” when approaching a set. I always win!!!

Tools

Controlling Thought:

Thinking good things

This is the easy one. Repeat good beliefs, attitudes and expectations in your head. Force yourself to think this over and over.(Even if it isn’t true yet or you don’t believe it)

My persona is:

What I expect and look for:

Most of this stuff is easily learnable from standard pickup/seduction sources, but you really need to drill it in your head and respond genuinely as if that is where you are coming from.

Edit: I felt like an actor getting into character. I wasn’t saying these things as affirmations, but I was figuratively “getting into the head” of someone with abundance in success with women. I forced myself to believe girls flirting with me was normal and expected, even though in the beginning I knew that wasn’t the case. Slowly this became more real for me, until I believed it completely. Even now I do this before going out or before a date just to stay sharp and focused, however it is more like remembering things about myself rather than as an actor getting into character.

Not thinking bad things

This is much more difficult and where everyone has trouble. You need to be able to control your thoughts, and shut off your mind. I am going to use this word, but don’t freak out: Meditation.

I am not talking about sitting in front of a wall, lighting incense, playing soothing music or any crap. Meditation is about having a tool to shut off your brain’s internal chatter. This takes practice, but you can do it at work, in the grocery line, at a bar: anywhere, anytime. Just focus on a spot, on a sound, on your breathing whatever, and let any thoughts briefly pass and move on. Do this until you can consciously avoid the thoughts from forming in the first place, until you can silence the noise. This is a skill you get better at over time, after awhile you’ll be amazed how easy this becomes!

Now everytime you find yourself listing reasons to fail, reliving failures or negative stuff, take 5-10 seconds and stop yourself. Take 5 minutes if you need to, but once you silence them, replace them with good thoughts and beliefs.

Memories:

Make a list of your successes, your good memories. Maybe it was just a girl smiling at you, maybe it was a kiss, maybe it was a wild threesome. Lock those in and force yourself to remember them, let them give you confidence.

The Persona

Brief explanation of why persona is important over “Tactics”. A million things you are not ready for will come up, and you need to respond like someone who often has amazing sexual relationships with women. Beyond all the words you say or kino you do, you need to have this larger “world-view” reality setup where it is a normal thing to meet a girl and take them home. Many PUA guys will entertain, neg, do kino all the right stuff, but don’t close because it is not what they expect and not part of their reality that they project.

The Process

About 30 minutes before going out, get yourself into a good space. Relive your successes, repeat your expectations and positive mindsets. I keep this up until I get to the club, date or daygame spot. This gives you a chance to see if any negative thoughts are coming up, and practice shutting them down.

Once there, I’m monitoring body for tension. If my shoulders are getting tight or whatever, deep breaths focusing on everything to relax. If it is mental, then I stare at my drink or the wall for 30 seconds and meditate, shutting out all thought. Often, I’ll get some female eye contact that breaks me out of this(be aware of your surroundings). Be looking for your expectations to be fulfilled, notice the IOIs(smiles, laughs, touches) you get.

Afterwards, remember the night, again focus on your successes. Going through failures is fine, but once you think through them once, tell yourself “I’ve learned everything I can from that, and thinking about it longer is just harmful” then meditate and shut it out.

Along the way, look for really deep changes. My big sticking point was not thinking I could be sexy or “make a girl horny”. It was hard, but slowly I started to believe I could. This was bolstered with evidence from girls telling me how sexy I am, getting makeouts, threesomes, etc. It took awhile and was a leap of faith to just let myself believe it. I haven’t looked back.

Closing

I’m not trying to preach the truth or give an absolute plan, just relate my personal story and what worked for me. Take from it what you will, thank you for reading.

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  • Lifeencoder

    TL;DR saving it up for evening. begining was reminding of myself. Geeky programmer, who was alone most of his life