It’s a fact, like the sun will rise tomorrow morning or the fact that I will get a boner from looking at pictures of skanks on the internet. Women will test you every chance they get. Why, you ask? They need to know that you have a backbone, that you’ll set limits, that you’ll stand up for yourself. It makes them feel safe when you won’t take any crap. It somehow provides them with reassurance that you are strong enough and confident enough to fight back when you’re provoked and that you’re capable of protecting them from danger. And not being able to pass these tests is the surest way to know that you will be going home with your head tucked between your legs and your right hand to console you from such a failure. Here’s a few examples of common shiet test thrown out by women with the corresponding correct and wrong way to answer and pass such tests.
“I’m mad at you!”
This is a fairly common one. I’ve had this one thrown at me from both a serious and playful side (more often playful).
BETA RESPONSES: “Why? What did I do?” or “Hey, how can I make it up to you? What can I do to make it better?”
ALPHA RESPONSES: “Good.” “Sweet, I like you better mad.” “That’s too bad, frowning causes wrinkles.” “Ooh, say something angry!”
“I have a boyfriend.”
Everyone has heard this one at some point. Most guys just eject and bail here, but it’s always worth giving it another shot. Throwing out an alpha response here definitely takes some balls, but is generally worth the risk.
BETA RESPONSES: “Oh, I’m sorry!” followed by eject
ALPHA RESPONSES: “Oh, that’s perfect–he can bake us cookies while we go out on adventures.” “That’s nice, well done.” “That’s okay, I’m not really the jealous type.” “Yeah, so does my girlfriend.” “Oh, so do I. Bet mine’s cuter.” (as you show a picture of your dog on your phone) “Your parents must be so proud.” “Oh man, I’m so embarrassed. I thought you were a lesbian.” “Are you allowed to talk to other men without his permission?” “I don’t care.” “We’ve only known each other for five minutes and you’re already telling me your problems?”
“Can you buy me a drink/do this for me/hold this?”
A COUNTLESS amount of guys are willing to do this ‘small’ shiet for women but the truth is is that it makes you seem like you’ll wait on her hand and foot, so that’s what she’ll begin to treat you as–her butler.
BETA RESPONSES: “Oh, sure, no problem.”
ALPHA RESPONSES: “I think you have me confused with every other guy you’ve ever met.” “No.”
“Do you have a girlfriend?”
BETA RESPONSES: “No.”
ALPHA RESPONSES: “Yeah, I’ve got a couple roaming around here somewhere…” “Yeah, like 8.” “Agirlfriend?”