Here’s a pretty awesome report from some dude who took the 90 day no-fap challenge and is feeling the wide range of benefits when it comes to not cranking his love pump.
Some personal details: 21 years old Male Virgin, no real dating experience, virtually deprived of female contact prior to 2 years ago. Forever-alone, nerdy, shy type for most of my life.
I’ve broken up this post into the following categories so you guys can skim past and find whatever category is relevant for you:
Please note that I’ve found NoFap to be an incredibly positive change in my life and I haven’t found any real negative effect for giving it up, save withdrawals. In this regard, I may be overly biased in favour of NoFap.
I hope this post is helpful to whoever takes the time to read it.
Pron Usage Prior to NoFap
I discovered fapping by seeing pron for the first time when I was 12. Just some images, and naturally lead to some stimulation, and orgasm. From there, I fapped pretty normally, sometimes with softcore images, sometimes not. Eventually I found softcore fap material in magazines to be my primary fap-material at about 13. From there it went to animated/video-game girls (I know…) which naturally progressed into ecchi/hentai at about 15/16, when I found image-boards, alternating with softcore pictures on the internet. No videos at this stage.
I eventually got into pretty healthy masturbation habits (once or twice a day) with ecchi/hentai/softcore pics mixed in here and there. Eventually escalated into videos of regular pron on tube sites between 18-20, for at least one year solid. Did a lot of videos. 1-3 times a day, rarely any fap-free days. During this time I was gaming a lot, and pron/fap and gaming went hand-in-hand. Gave up gaming for 2010, and pron naturally fell away, also. Incidentally, it felt awesome for 5 months. Still fapping, not so regularly during that time. Got back into gaming, and back into pron again for another 5 months. Gave it up for 2011, again. Eventually had “healthy” fap habits for a while, but had some kind of feeling that giving up fapping made me feel better, just a hunch. Seemed kind of stupid at the time though.
Then I found yourbrainonpron.com in May this year. All of a sudden it all made sense. Before this, I just happened to have gone one week of NoFap, PRIOR to ever seeing or hearing about yourbrainonpron.com, or the 7-day cycle, or any kind of NoFap information, I felt the benefits people reported (approached by women, felt focused, motivated, energetic, better sleep etc.) So much for a placebo effect, right?
Anyways, so I got on the wagon, and this was going to be the hardest thing I’ve ever done. Failed 3 times between May and August with 15 to 25 day streaks in between. Started my 90-day reboot on August 1st 2011.
Dealing with Urges
There’s no quick fix for this one. You just have to push through it. I got out of the house as much as possible, avoided pron and edging entirely, and generally cutting off sexual fantasizing. Emotional Freedom Technique (youtube it) helped me quite a bit also, but it was mainly will power that pushed me through.
As I said, this is probably the hardest thing I’ve ever done. The withdrawals were terrible. They included: Suicidal depression
Complete lack of confidence
No desire to socialize
Very little desire to pursue women, no libido
Time-frame for withdrawals was roughly between days 1-3, whole of week 2 and 3. Some more in the beginning of month 2. Haven’t noticed anything significant besides that. They may have fully cleared up.
They were hell guys. Be prepared. Just push through them. Don’t rationalize that it’s better to just fap to avoid them or clear them, they will just come back if you try to No Fap again. I didn’t realize how serious this was until these withdrawals hit. Take them as a sign of recovery.
Energy, Motivation and Productivity
First benefits I noticed were my energy and motivation levels as well as my productivity. All of a sudden, a surf after gym didn’t seem like a sweat. Getting my affairs sorted for college next year was a priority. Stuff got done before I fcuked around. Procrastination was kept to a minimum, time-wasting was eliminated. Nothing to do? I made something happen.
I started filling in my spare time with productive things. Eventually I had to start taking up new hobbies (yoga, salsa dancing, some more to come) to fill in the spare time. Other things include reading non-fiction books on topics of self-improvement, meditation, Emotional Freedom Technique (youtube it) and just general chores, cleaning etc. I still have a way to go, but I was surprised how much I wanted to get things done after the withdrawals cleared.
Waking up in the morning was no sweat. I beat my alarm on most mornings now. Some times it’s a perfect 8 hours of sleep, and I get up at the same time consistently. I don’t drink coffee or take sleeping pills or anything of the sort.
I have been motivated as hell to get my life on track and beyond. All of a sudden, everything is a goal, not an obstacle. ohropax mentioned this. (On a side-note, short-term, and long-term memory is improved, heh)
I finally understand what it feels like to be a man who has a hunger for achievement. There really is no way to explain the feeling except that it’s a primal desire, a horniness for success.
Achieving goals, no matter how small, feels awesome. It’s a great little boost to get a long the way.
Confidence and Self-Esteem
Bam. This one will hit you out of the blue. Just after my withdrawals, I felt godly. Even though I wasn’t really doing anything to feel good about myself, I was just hit with the strongest confidence boost I’ve ever had. I wasn’t approaching beautiful women like a madman, networking with powerful businessmen or making friends like a socialite, but I definitely felt like the man, and I still do.
There were ups and downs, and still are, but for the most part, being confident, self-assured, and feeling like a high-self-esteem person has been my default state for a while now. This has definitely shown itself through my posture, eye-contact and general way of being. My voice still needs some work, but I have generally been projecting it louder and clearer than usual.
The feeling is what counts for me though. You’ll know it when you get it.
Mindset, Focus and Other Mental Benefits
This was a big one. My whole mindset and perception of the world changed during NoFap. I understood what I was missing out on in my teens. My thinking used to be along the lines of having to deal with problems and every day was another hassle to get through. With NoFap, every day I wake up thinking about what’s out there waiting for me, and I jump out of bed with this new outlook. (Morning woods help with this). I naturally adopted a go-getter attitude with this kind of thinking.
My outlook on life has become more positive, and I’m generally more optimistic than pessimistic, and sometimes surprisingly joyful.
My focus has been off-the-charts awesome. My attention span has increased, making conversations and remembering names easier, and my long-term memory has also improved. Remembering dreams, events, dates, important information, conversations, instructions and memories has been a lot more easier.
I’m less “in-my-head” in most situations and that voice in my head is a lot quieter. The mental benefits of NoFap are akin to meditation’s benefits. People who practise meditation and/or yoga etc. will be able to relate.
This was an eye-opener. I started having these uncanny conversational skills about a month into No Fap. All of a sudden, making jokes and puns was as natural as breathing. Eye-contact was solid, with men and women, especially women. People have commented on me being a good conversationalist.
I have a natural and healthy interest in people now, of both sexes. I enjoy finding out about people and what interests them, and that naturally makes interacting with people easier, more fun, and smooth. In my fapping days, I’d have to do a lot of thinking, and be in my head to think of good topics, jokes, or questions. Now it just flows, as if I’m playing a musical instrument.
Being able to sit with a bunch of friends isn’t awkward anymore. It’s relaxed and fun and I feel comfortable around people. For the first time in my life, I feel like I contribute to the “vibe” or the “party”, if only in a small sense. I used to feel like I sucked the life out of everyone around me. Now I feel like people want me around more and more.
I’ve had friends invite me out, had deep conversations with people, and met new people with ease, of both sexes, as of late. It’s no coincidence that I just happened to be NoFapping for a month before this started happening. As ridiculous as it sounds to new guys, I’m convinced no fap improves your social skills.
This goes hand in hand with social skills, but I thought I’d separate the two as I’ve felt I’ve had some benefits with relating to women that clearly weren’t the result of improved social skills. Besides being able to start and hold conversations with women, occasionally approaching women, holding eye-contact like a god, and generally feeling at total ease around females of all levels of attractiveness, there’s just something magical about NoFap and what it can do if your goal is to improve your relations with women.
I’ve had at least 10 instances, these last few months alone, of women of all ages approach me, out of the blue, without me making eye-contact, or smiling or gesturing. Nothing. This has also happened in the past, in conjunction with no-fap streaks. I have no idea what it is, but it happens. Needless to say, this NEVER happens in my fapping days, save ONE occasion when I was ridiculously drunk, and so was she.
Women have also been more friendly and receptive to me in general. There has been a lot of giggling, quick glances and/or hushed silences when I walk past girls, or made eye-contact.
As an ex-forever-alone, ex-nerd, virgin this is a huge revelation for me.
What has been more amazing is my confidence and attitude around women, however. Talking to women has never been so exciting and enjoyable. Of the few times that I’ve approached girls, or the many regular interactions I’ve had with them, I’ve always felt an edge of excitement, rather than anxiety. This is huge for me. I think the girls can feel it also.
On a side-note, I’ve had to deal with, or better yet, enjoy the presence of MASSIVE boners while interacting with girls. As I walk up to her, or start talking, if we’re side-by-side, it starts and there’s no stopping it. Any kind of touch sends it rocketing, and I’ve had some light grinding and bumping which the girls clearly didn’t mind at all. It’s almost part of the fun that I have to strategically hide my erections from others while having to still focus on the interaction. It’s also ironic that I can do this seamlessly, whereas in the past, I’d struggle to just hold a decent conversation… Now I juggle all this like a performer in Vegas.
On a final note, women really have been looking so beautiful. I realize there’s a lot that I’ve been missing when looking at women. Of course I enjoy their bodies like I always have in my pron days. But even more so, now. Breasts, buttocks, hips, hair, face, lips, smile, eyes, skin, style, clothing, posture, voice, vibe… all these things are accentuated, and I notice the smaller details as well as the, ahem, larger ones. I don’t consider my standards “lowered”, just different, compared to my pron-obsessed brain’s standards.
The desire for having girlfriends, fcuk-buddies, and even just female friends has hit me for the first real time in my life.