by Nick Notas
In my previous post, I let you see the inner workings of my adolescent mind and how I evolved into the sexual man I am today. After I got out of school, I began applying the knowledge I gained from a younger age to the adult dating world. Initially, it didn’t go as well as I’d hoped.
The idea that women wanted to be desired held true more than ever before. However, the way I approached it required some tweaking. You can’t act like an overexcited sixteen-year-old and expect to get the same results you once did. By showing a little restraint and class while still being direct, I discovered an essential element of grown-up dating
Here are the lessons I’ve learned about being a sexual gentleman who gets women hot.
While being bold and sexually assertive is attractive, having the ability to restrain yourself is equally so. If you’re non-stop trying to get her in pants, you look desperate and can be a huge turnoff.
I had a friend growing up in school who always chased after the same girls that I did. He’d poke them, playfully push them, and constantly be saying sexual things. At first it would get them hot, but soon they’d question his intentions and the novelty would wear off.
I would have that same forward attitude but I would break it up by asking meaningful questions. By wanting to learn about girls and sharing stories about myself, I kept them intrigued. By listening to what they had to say with legitimate enthusiasm, I gained their trust. The combination is irresistible.
I never apologize for my interest in sex and nor should you. Too many times I’ve heard guys drop a cute innuendo or be forward about their intentions, only to say sorry or “just kidding” a few seconds later. Any romantic tension the girl was feeling is cut short and the mood is lost.
Now of course, if you say something that gets her truly upset, apologize right away. Most girls will be fine with a slipup as long as it’s followed by a genuine apology. Which leads me to…
Respect her boundaries
I always recommend that a guy takes the shot. If you don’t, there’s very little chance of anything happening. Unfortunately, most girls won’t lead the interaction to sex – it’s just the way it is.
Escalate the situation and get more personal with your touches. Say progressively sexier things to her. If she’s hesitant, nervous, or pulls away – cool it for a while. She needs more time to get comfortable with you. Keep building that connection and try again in a few.
Sometimes a girl will push you away with her words and actually want more. In situations like those, challenging her false defenses can actually work in your favor. But, this is a fine line to play with and takes some experience to get it right.
The best advice I can give is to pay attention to her body language and how she’s speaking. If she’s smiling or lightly says “You can’t say that!” or “Good luck trying.” keep the momentum moving forward. If she looks pissed or clearly says “No.” or “Can you please stop that?” then you probably should pull back.
Wanting instead of needing sex
If I’m attracted to a woman (physically and mentally), I am entertaining the possibility of getting intimate with her. My thought process is, “Wow, she’s awesome. I would love to have an incredible time with her and rock her world.” This is all good and normal.
Unfortunately, when you haven’t gotten action in a while (or ever) and are afraid of messing things up, you tend to need to be intimate with her. Instead you’re saying, “God, I’ll do anything to hook up with her. It has to happen. I’m a loser if I screw this up.”
You can’t go into interactions with the sole purpose of getting in her pants. It may work sometimes, but more often than not she’s going to notice your endgame. The desperation, neediness, and complete lack of wanting to get to know her on a deeper level shows in all your actions. Even if it’s a one-night stand, a girl wants to know you chose her for something more than just her body.
Your mindset should be, “I really want to get to know this girl” while being unabashedly sexual. Give a shiet about making a real connection while having the balls to flirt and be physical. This is the healthiest approach to keep girls invested in you!
Touch early and often
Learn to become a touchy person. We do it with our friends and family, and there’s no reason you can’t do it with women. As long as you’re respectful (as stated above), that’s what matters.
Talk with your hands while speaking. It’s easier to touch her when your hands are moving instead of in your pockets. Stand closer by moving to her side, especially in loud bars or clubs. You can be physically close to a woman early on as long as it’s not confrontational (in her face). Sit next to her on dates and it becomes natural to escalate physically.
Focus on pleasing her
There’s too much emphasis on satisfying yourself and trying to get your own rocks off. Here’s a huge secret: if you make it all about her, she will return the favor ten-fold. That’s how you get a woman to be completely invested in you sexually.
Start thinking about how you can make her feel amazing. How you can show her the best time of her life and give her pleasure that she’s only dreamed of. And when the time comes, actually follow through with it.
Once you’ve been flirting for a little, you want to let her know how much you desire her. I’ve said things like, “You have no idea how incredible I’m going to make you feel.” or “I want to caress every inch of your body like you’ve never experienced.” Nothing is sexier than knowing a man cares enough to put the focus on her.
Why did women trust me so much when I was so sexually forward? Because they knew I appreciated, understood, and respected their sexuality as well.
Most guys would hookup with a hot girl if she gave them the opportunity. So how come when a girl wants to be promiscuous and mess around, she’s automatically labeled a slut? It’s a ridiculous double-standard and needs to be stopped.
If you have any negative thoughts about women’s sexuality, eliminate them. We all desire sex and there’s absolutely nothing wrong with it. Sex is at the core of our physiological needs as human beings.
Don’t ever be afraid to bring up sexual topics early within an interaction. Encourage her sexuality. Be the man who helps her explore the depths of her desires she never knew existed. Show her that you have a healthy, positive view on sex, and that it’s no big deal.
The more comfortable you are with sex, the more excited she’ll be to share it with you.
Want insight on how to still be yourself while being sexual? Talk to me for a free session.