22 Things A Burglar Would Never Tell You

May 15, 2012 | 6 Comments » | Topics: main

1. Of course I look familiar. I was here just last week cleaning your carpets, painting your shutters, or delivering your new refrigerator.

2. Hey, thanks for letting me use the bathroom when I was working in your yard last week. While I was in there, I unlatched the back window to make my return a little easier.

3. Love those flowers. That tells me you have taste… and taste means there are nice things inside. Those yard toys your kids leave out always make me wonder what type of gaming system they have.

4. Yes, I really do look for newspapers piled up on the driveway. And I might leave a pizza flyer in your front door to see how long it takes you to remove it..

5. If it snows while you’re out of town, get a neighbor to create car and foot tracks into the house. Virgin drifts in the driveway are a dead giveaway.

6. If decorative glass is part of your front entrance, don’t let your alarm company install the control pad where I can see if it’s set. That makes it too easy.

7. A good security company alarms the window over the sink. And the windows on the second floor, which often access the master bedroom – and your jewelry. It’s not a bad idea to put motion detectors up there too.

8. It’s raining, you’re fumbling with your umbrella, and you forget to lock your door – understandable. But understand this: I don’t take a day off because of bad weather.

9. I always knock first. If you answer, I’ll ask for directions somewhere or offer to clean your gutters. (Don’t take me up on it.)

10. Do you really think I won’t look in your sock drawer? I always check dresser drawers, the bedside table, and the medicine cabinet.

11. Here’s a helpful hint: I almost never go into kids’ rooms.

12. You’re right: I won’t have enough time to break into that safe where you keep your valuables. But if it’s not bolted down, I’ll take it with me.

13. A loud TV or radio can be a better deterrent than the best alarm system. If you’re reluctant to leave your TV on while you’re out of town, you can buy a $35 device that works on a timer and simulates the flickering glow of a real television.

14. Sometimes, I carry a clipboard. Sometimes, I dress like a lawn guy and carry a rake. I do my best to never, ever look like a crook.

15. The two things I hate most: loud dogs and nosy neighbors.

16. I’ll break a window to get in, even if it makes a little noise. If your neighbor hears one loud sound, he’ll stop what he’s doing and wait to hear it again. If he doesn’t hear it again, he’ll just go back to what he was doing. It’s human nature.

17. I’m not complaining, but why would you pay all that money for a fancy alarm system and leave your house without setting it?

18. I love looking in your windows. I’m looking for signs that you’re home, and for flat screen TVs or gaming systems I’d like. I’ll drive or walk through your neighborhood at night, before you close the blinds, just to pick my targets.

19. Avoid announcing your vacation on your Facebook page. It’s easier than you think to look up your address.

20. To you, leaving that window open just a crack during the day is a way to let in a little fresh air. To me, it’s an invitation.

21. If you don’t answer when I knock, I try the door. Occasionally, I hit the jackpot and walk right in.

22. Put your car keys beside your bed at night. If you hear a noise outside your home or someone trying to get in your house, just press the panic button for your car. The alarm will be set off, and the horn will continue to sound until either you turn it off or the car battery dies. Next time you come home for the night and you start to put your keys away, think of this: It’s a security alarm system that you probably already have and requires no installation. Test it. It will go off from most everywhere inside your house and will keep honking until your battery runs down or until you reset it with the button on the key fob chain. It works if you park in your driveway or garage. If your car alarm goes off when someone is trying to break into your house, odds are the burglar rapist won’t stick around… After a few seconds all the neighbors will be looking out their windows to see who is out there and sure enough the criminal won’t want that. And remember to carry your keys while walking to your car in a parking lot. The alarm can work the same way there also. This is something that should really be shared with everyone. Maybe it could save a life or a sexual abuse crime. Would also be useful for any emergency, such as a heart attack, where you can’t reach a phone. This is a really good idea. You could leave the spare key fob or remote button next to your bed permanently. Definitely, this is something to pass on to your family and friends as a security tip.

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  • Superdooper

    first, and ummm.
    Come in my house.  I’ll shoot you in the face.

    • Only problem is they rob you when your not home. And if you have a job that’s 10 to 12 hrs a day your not home to protect your stuff. Hope it never happens to you, it happenned to me. Kids friends got me.

      • the Informant

        My brother-in-law of 20 years, and also someone I respected and considered a best friend, and was a very successful, ranking police officer for 20 years, and obviously knew everything I had, where it was, and that my family was on vacation for a week, being that his wife was feeding and watering my animals and checking on my house at a specific time each day. He was kind enough to wait until the day I was supposed to return home to pull it off though, I suppose in an effort to not ruin my vacation. He really didn’t ruin my vacation, but instead has all but ruined my life. He created a divide in the family that can never be repaired, and turned me into a bitter, paranoid, cynical person, who no longer trusts anyone. There is no closure on something like this. I recovered nothing, received about 30 cents on the dollar after the insurance company humped me with limits and depreciation (actual replacement cost means NOTHING!), and since he studied and practiced the criminal justice (or is that injustice??) system for many, many years, who else is more perfect to commit crimes as those who know both sides of the law. Personally, I trust good ‘ol die hard thieved more than I do the police. I have determined there are two types of police officers for  the most part, new ones and corrupt ones. They feel as though they can justify their behavior because of low pay, or risking their lives in the “line of duty.” Ultimately the greed gets to them, and they want to live the life of a gangster. They either feel like Robin Hood and don’t think it’s wrong to steal from the true bad guys, or they think if they steal from you that your insurance company will take wonderful care of you and buy you all new goodies for all you lost. When your agent doesn’t explain to you what your coverage limits are on most everything, especially jewelry, even when you receive that $2500 for $50,000 worth, even if you had special riders on it and paid additional premiums to cover the item, you can never get that moment back on that special Anniversary, or Birthday, or Mother’s Day, etc. You not only lost the items, but you lost what they signified and stood for. When your home is invaded and turned upside down and dismantled, you simply cannot fathom the feeling of violation that comes over you. The bitterness, the betrayal, the lost sense of security and trust. It feels like your entire family was raped and pillaged, which in a way, they are and were. As for justice….don’t hold your breath. When you have several agencies working the case, city, county, and state police, and this person served on all of them over the 20 year career, you can forget about it being investigated or “solved.” You can hand over to the detectives clear-cut, black and white physical evidence that proves this person is guilty, and then you learn about the “Brotherhood,” the “Blue Code,” or the good ‘ol “Fraternal Order of Police.” You either figure out a way to live with it, take matters into your own hands, or seek revenge, which makes you almost as much a thug as the original perpetrator, because your case files will be in the bottom of an unused desk, under a stack of ever less important documents than your evidence. It must be very insignificant because when you go to them and ask for the evidence you provided them, to possibly turn over to someone else that will try to do something with it, or about it, mysteriously it no longer exists, or just simply can’t be found. I always heard that family and friends are the first ones to bend you over…now I am 100% convinced of that. The closer someone is to you, the more they will know about you, your habits, what you have, and how they are going to get it, and good luck getting over it. Even though it’s just “stuff,” by gosh it was your and your family’s “stuff,” and you didn’t work your ass off to allow a family member to steal it from you. My advice, don’t rely on burglar alarms, dogs, thorny bushes, neighbors, or family and friends to “guard your home and property.” Hindsight is 2020 but I sure with I would have had small hidden cameras that were motion detectable, and placed throughout my home. Something like the “Nanny cams” or button cameras, or clock and smoke alarm cameras with a very well hidden DVR to record as least enough data to last the length of your time away from home. Most important, do not tell a soul that you have the surveillance equipment and spy-cams, because you never know when you might be telling the person who will become your worst nightmare.
        My apologies for the rambling, but if I can foil or stop one theft from impacting ANYBODY else’s family like it did mine, then it was well worth my time to rant, and worth yours to read my boring rant, and there is nothing worse than a life changing event that you cannot get any type of closure on. That part is as frustrating as any of it!

  • Meatyboy

     House protected by 3 licking dogs and Remington.

  • Jaynie59

    I sometimes wonder if being a smoker and a slob makes me a rotten target.  It’s a huge rationalization, I know, but I really don’t think my car will ever get stolen because it’s a mess.  And I can’t GIVE stuff away anymore because I smoke.  I once gave away an entire dining room set for free.  The table top was lost in a move to a new house, but the set had everything else and was in great condition.  It had a two-piece hutch I couldn’t keep because the ceilings in my new house were too low so I put an ad online that it was free to anyone willing to come get it.  A man showed up with a truck and a buddy and they took it.

    The next day I get this really nasty email from the mans wife telling me that the set reeked of second hand smoke and if they’d known I smoked they never would have taken it. 

    I honestly think that any burgler who gets past my dog would take one whiff of my house and run.

  • Captain Mary in Michigan

    My friends and I caught a guy breaking into cars at the shipyard where I worked. One of the cars was mine. After the welders, all bikers, jellied the guy, at my suggestion we hung him feet-first from the crane. We then started taking “soundings” with the guy. The questioning went until the bubbles got real small. At that point we hauled in our “catch” and politely inquired as to where he might have sold the stuff. After several repeats of the depth-soundings he told us- A Paki owned pawn shop. I went in first and scouted and spotted some of the tools clearly marked with my friends id’s. At that point, I went around back and cut the phone and alarm wires while my friends went in the front and got several of their tools back. End of problem for several years after. A thief is the lowest form of parasite. Those who profit by using them are even lower on the evolutionary scale. I don’t agree with most of the sharia laws, but I do like how they regard thieves. Capt. Mary in Michigan