Is Porrn Keeping You From Dating Success?

June 19, 2012 | 5 Comments » | Topics: Dating

dating vs pron

by Nick Notas

Chances are that if you’ve used the internet within the last 10 years, you’ve watched porrn.

Recently, there has been an online movement against overexposure to porrnography. Gary Wilson lead this rebellion by along with a now infamous TED talk. His overall message is that masturbating to porrn regularly can produce the following symptoms:

Some people argue that his findings are unscientific and unfounded. Whether you agree with the above is up to you, but I’m not here to argue those points. I’m here to discuss a different negative resulting from porrn that I know is true for many guys.

Consistent masturbation to porrnography stops men from meeting women.

I was skeptical, too and refused to believe it was possible. But over the last few months I’ve thought about my own porrn habits in the past and started digging further into the guys I worked with. 

Almost every guy I talked to had the same reason for their dating struggles — they weren’t meeting enough girls. They gave excuses like “I don’t have the time,” or “I just don’t feel like it.” So, I pried further to determine where this lack of motivation stemmed from.

I found out that these men do have the time and energy to socialize with more women. This includes their lunch breaks, after work, on the weekends, and during errands. The glaring problem was that their daily routine included going home, pleasing themselves to porrn, and then relaxing to play video games or surf the net.

By satiating their physiological need for sex by watching porrn, they decreased their desire to go out and find real women. Eventually however, they become depressed when they find themselves alone without a woman.

Think about it this way: food is another physiological need. If you didn’t eat for three days, you would be ravenous. If I dropped a 20oz steak in front of you, you would likely devour it.

Now say you are completely stuffed and have satisfied your need for food. If I placed another 20oz steak on your plate, you wouldn’t look at it the same way. You would think twice and probably have no interest in it. 

You can only eat so often and so much, and the same goes for sex. Most men only have the desire to orgasm once or twice a day at most and that diminishes with age. If you’re using that up on porrn, you don’t have the same drive to seek fulfillment from a sexual partner. You become complacent in the moment and resentful later on.

As Louis CK says, ejaculation for men is often just a necessary release. When we don’t do it, pressure builds up and our urges increase. Once we orgasm, all the tension is gone and sometimes we even feel guilty about it.

I’m not against porrn or masturbation in the slightest. I believe they are healthy outlets when used in moderation, like anything else. That being said, you’ve got to decide what’s more important to you…

Do you want to masturbate to women on screen for the rest of your life or have incredible sex on a regular basis? Something has to give — you can’t have your cake and eat it, too.

If you watch porrn daily or even every other day, you could be hurting your chances with women. When you feel the need for sex and you masturbate to relieve it, you lose the incentive that the need provides. Then, you get upset about the lack of girls in your life — it’s a vicious cycle that only you can break.

My advice is this: If you’re not talking to women regularly, cut down on the porrn. I’m not saying you have to stop completely, but try scaling it back. 

Halve the amount you watch or set a limit of once a week. Watch it on days where you aren’t able to go out and approach women. Set a goal that you have to meet X amount of new girls before you can watch it again. Then when your free days like the weekend come around, you’ll experience that primal want for sex. 

Whatever it takes to motivate you, do it. Make it so your only option is to go out and satisfy your desires in the real world.

Check out more awesome dating articles by Nick at The Dating Specialist