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Is Porrn Keeping You From Dating Success?

June 19, 2012 | 5 Comments » | Topics: Dating

dating vs pron

by Nick Notas

Chances are that if you’ve used the internet within the last 10 years, you’ve watched porrn.

Recently, there has been an online movement against overexposure to porrnography. Gary Wilson lead this rebellion by creatingwww.yourbrainonporrn.com along with a now infamous TED talk. His overall message is that masturbating to porrn regularly can produce the following symptoms:

Some people argue that his findings are unscientific and unfounded. Whether you agree with the above is up to you, but I’m not here to argue those points. I’m here to discuss a different negative resulting from porrn that I know is true for many guys.

Consistent masturbation to porrnography stops men from meeting women.

I was skeptical, too and refused to believe it was possible. But over the last few months I’ve thought about my own porrn habits in the past and started digging further into the guys I worked with. 

Almost every guy I talked to had the same reason for their dating struggles — they weren’t meeting enough girls. They gave excuses like “I don’t have the time,” or “I just don’t feel like it.” So, I pried further to determine where this lack of motivation stemmed from.

I found out that these men do have the time and energy to socialize with more women. This includes their lunch breaks, after work, on the weekends, and during errands. The glaring problem was that their daily routine included going home, pleasing themselves to porrn, and then relaxing to play video games or surf the net.

By satiating their physiological need for sex by watching porrn, they decreased their desire to go out and find real women. Eventually however, they become depressed when they find themselves alone without a woman.

Think about it this way: food is another physiological need. If you didn’t eat for three days, you would be ravenous. If I dropped a 20oz steak in front of you, you would likely devour it.

Now say you are completely stuffed and have satisfied your need for food. If I placed another 20oz steak on your plate, you wouldn’t look at it the same way. You would think twice and probably have no interest in it. 

You can only eat so often and so much, and the same goes for sex. Most men only have the desire to orgasm once or twice a day at most and that diminishes with age. If you’re using that up on porrn, you don’t have the same drive to seek fulfillment from a sexual partner. You become complacent in the moment and resentful later on.

As Louis CK says, ejaculation for men is often just a necessary release. When we don’t do it, pressure builds up and our urges increase. Once we orgasm, all the tension is gone and sometimes we even feel guilty about it.

I’m not against porrn or masturbation in the slightest. I believe they are healthy outlets when used in moderation, like anything else. That being said, you’ve got to decide what’s more important to you…

Do you want to masturbate to women on screen for the rest of your life or have incredible sex on a regular basis? Something has to give — you can’t have your cake and eat it, too.

If you watch porrn daily or even every other day, you could be hurting your chances with women. When you feel the need for sex and you masturbate to relieve it, you lose the incentive that the need provides. Then, you get upset about the lack of girls in your life — it’s a vicious cycle that only you can break.

My advice is this: If you’re not talking to women regularly, cut down on the porrn. I’m not saying you have to stop completely, but try scaling it back. 

Halve the amount you watch or set a limit of once a week. Watch it on days where you aren’t able to go out and approach women. Set a goal that you have to meet X amount of new girls before you can watch it again. Then when your free days like the weekend come around, you’ll experience that primal want for sex. 

Whatever it takes to motivate you, do it. Make it so your only option is to go out and satisfy your desires in the real world.

Check out more awesome dating articles by Nick at The Dating Specialist

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  • StandUpForTheTruth

    This is the biggest load of bullshiet I have read (and I didnt even read it all), it says that masturbating cases Erectile disfunction, masturbating regular reduces the risk of prostate cancer and increases sperm count while keeping your testicles active, thats like saying to much sex is bad for you…..also that is not even an official TED talk and you should not believe everything you read, if the female cant keep you up, thats her problem.

    • StandUpForTheTruth

       I should also mention that I masturbate regular and it does not stop me from dating or going out and talking to females.

  • Ugcelite

    StandUp, being the expert you are, how many men have you spoken to about this? This is absolutely true. I have almost been down this path, I have friends who have/are down this path. If a female can’t get you up, that’s her problem? So, a guy jerks off once or twice to porrn where a girl is getting stuffed in every hole and is being absolutely obliterated, he gets to his girlfriend who wants to do the normal stuff, oral, missionary, doggy style, but he can’t get it up because he just isn’t as interested as he should be in real vagina; this is supposed to be fixed by the female? Should she invite some other guys over and just let them run a train on her so her boyfriend can get an erection for her? Jerking off even once can have an effect on your sex life. When I was 17, 17!, I jerked off one time before my girlfriend came over and was just not into the same way, couldn’t keep it up. This is during a time in my life where I could have sex 7-10 times on a summer day.

    Now that I have spelled that out, does that make more sense? You may be different than 99% of other men, but you haven’t spelled out what “regularly” means to you. If every time a guy feels horny he just turns on his computer and jerks off this can completely change his psychology on orgasms. Why would he ever need to talk to a woman? He can look at porrn and jerk off.

    Disagreeing with something doesn’t mean you have to roll through and call it bullshiet. Do you honestly think you know better than this study? Porrn has caused serious problems for people and their relationships. Do some research before calling what you read bullshiet.

    • ArthurI

      I agree. Is it really that hard to believe that having so much more exposure to sexual gratification than our bodies were evolutionarily designed for could be harmful to our brains and thus our lives? That this mechanism that worked to literally bring us closer to other human beings backfires when it works to drive us away from human beings? The more I look at the issue of PMO from an unbiased scientific standpoint, the clearer it seems. This ruins lives.

      • The Mouser

         Porrn is the ultimate product, because the target
        market willingly conditions itself to want more, by self-rewarding use
        with orgasm.   

        When the natural desire for a bit of variety leads the target to viewing
        acts that are less and less likely to be found in a relationship with
        an emotionally healthy and nurturing partner, the product has succeeded –
        it’s monopolised the target’s sexuality entirely, and can look forward
        to a lifetime of loyalty.

        It’s possible to break that cycle, and to use porrn occasionally without
        being used by it, and/or to use it to satisfy some particular kink
        you’ve always had that never seems to work with a partner: BUT, in order
        to do that you need to wise up, and not have the attitude of a child on
        Christmas morning, trustingly thinking all these fabulous presents will
        bring you nothing but excitement and happiness.

        If you find your sexual tastes expanding into new areas led by porrn, and
        the only acts you can get off on are ones your best judgement tells you
        are not part of most healthy relationships, I would say that’s time to
        sit down and decide who’s going to own your sexuality from now onwards –
        you, or the product.