Sit down folks and let me tell you a story on how I not only entered the friend-zone but I managed to escape. Now I wouldn’t say I’m a novice to the seduction methods around here, but I am far from being good at it as you will see.
This story starts off with your typical boy meets girl (whom I will refer to as Kate) story. I met Kate at a local book store while I was out and about. I believe I went in to buy the hard back copy of one of my favorite books or a cook book. That is not important. What is important is that I spied this beautiful little Asian girl with a copy of John Keats’s complete work tucked under her arm. I quickly worked my way over to her and opened her with a “Is that for school or are you looking for the right romantic words to say to me?” She laughed and told me that she liked his works and it had nothing to do with her Masters. I told her that he was one of my favorite poets and recited one of the verses from a poem he wrote from memory. The look on her face told me that I had performed the equivalent of bringing her to a raging orgasm while she was tripping on ecstasy. I quickly made an excuse to leave and handed her my phone while I went to purchase whatever I was buying. By the time I had finished with my purchase I had her phone number, e-mail , and name already programmed into my phone. She even dialed her phone to make sure I could return the favor.
Over the next few weeks we went out a few times, but each date was unique and a bag full of mixed signals. One date she was buying me drinks and grinding against me while we played pool; the next date she was acting as nervous as if I had told her that Chris Brown was my personal idol. What had made it worse is that I still could not K-close her. By the third date I had grown tired of the game and started to shut her out, which normally works on most girls but on this one just made her grow even more distant. I finally asked her what was wrong and she explained that she was considering taking a job across the country after she finished her courses at the end of the year. She didn’t want to be in a relationship and wouldn’t do anything intimate (including kiss) if she was going to move. After a bit of discussion she asked if I would be ok with just being friends. I stupidly agreed because I had fallen under her spell.
Fast forward a few weeks and we are hanging out regularly. With the exception of her not introducing me to her friends she has pretty much by all definitions become a regular facet in my life. Then one of my good friends (and wingmen) called me out on it. Damnit, I have become her platonic mate. This would not do. So over the next few weeks I became unavailable and stopped being the AFC. Then it happened. We went out to a local bar after a movie and while she was texting her sister I got up and started talking to another girl. I came back to this angry eyed, 5’2, ball of seething rage. How could I disrespect her by hitting on another girl and getting a # close in front of her. I calmly looked her in the eyes and smiled. “Kate you know how I like when you put on that angry face, but I need you to stop trying to seduce me. We are friends remember?” She glared at me a few moments and told me that it she didn’t think that I would be so callous about it. I just shrugged and told her next time I would leave her to get the number while she was around. The next day we hung out I had brought along my friend Rob (the same wingman) out with me to play pool. During one of the rounds I had struck up a conversation with waitress who was now slipping us free shots. Kate had now started to find little excuses to talk to me when she came around till I decided the CB needed to stop. I looked at her and asked her what she thought of the waitress. She immediately gave me negative ideas and tried to down play the girl’s looks and such. I asked Rob and he told me that maybe the free shots was to help her chances and not mine. I decided to play this to my advantage and told Kate she would be my wingman since Rob obviously was going to be too objective tonight. I then suggested we go approach another table of girls and get them to join our game. The look in her face told it all. This girl was good at playing her game, but telling her that I wanted other people to play with her toy was like asking her to put down old yeller. She begrudgingly went over and helped me successfully open the girls. Fellas, even at their worst women negate another women’s defenses. Soon both tables were playing and having fun. Here was two guys surrounded by a group of HB6s and 7s (Kate still being a 9). Kate left after two rounds stating she needed to work on a paper for school.
Several days go by and we don’t talk and I go on with my life. Then the other day she calls me up and asks me what I’m doing. I told her I am cooking dinner and asks if she wants to join me. Even though she lives about an hour away via public transportation she got a taxi and was over at my place in 30 minutes. We sat down and had a nice dinner and decided to watch some TV. Without asking, she starts to massage my neck and offering to give me a rub down I wouldn’t forget. I agree and we reposition so that she can straddle me to work on my back. After about 5 minutes I start feeling her lips on the back of my neck. I jokingly remind her that this isn’t a massage I normally let my friends give me. To my surprise she stopped and collapsed on top of me and try to make out with me. It was the most awkward thing that I have ever seen anyone try to do and I immediately started to laugh at her. She then told me trying to be my friend was the worst decision she ever made and desperately wanted another chance to be more. To paraphrase her “Being your friend was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. I was fine with it at first but watching you hit on other girls and have fun with them made me realize what I wanted and couldn’t have”. Other words were said, but honestly I don’t remember. We ended up with an Fclose that night with another session scheduled for tomorrow.
So the lesson I have learned is this. If a woman friend-zones you, turn them into your friend. Treat them like one of the guys and ask them to wing with you. The worst thing that can happen is that they turn out to be a bad wingman and you have to spend time training them. The best that can happen is what happened to me.
Friends Of Caveman Circus: