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Being an Introvert Is No Excuse

July 5, 2012 | 2 Comments » | Topics: Dating


By Nick Notas

I see a lot of guys who are afraid to challenge themselves socially using the excuse: “I’m an introvert.” They claim that because of this, they don’t have what it takes to become good at connecting with women. They believe their brains aren’t wired that way and there’s nothing they can do about it.

Here’s something that might shock you…

I’m an introvert! Yes, me, the guy who’s always preaching about pushing yourself to meet new people.

How is that possible? It’s because the real difference between introversion and extraversion is often misunderstood.

Most think that being an introvert automatically means you’re shy and lack confidence. Therefore, an extravert is confident and social. It’s not true at all. While there are correlations, the distinction between the two comes down to:

How you recharge or expend your energy.

Introverts tend to lose energy in large social settings like parties, bars, clubs, and larger groups. They feel drained and to regain that energy they require alone time or intimate interactions. They tend to feel best when with small groups, close friends, or relaxing on their own.

Extraverts tend to lose energy when they’re alone and it can actually frustrate them. Instead, they feel refreshed when they are surrounded by many people and in vibrant environments. All that energy empowers them and gives them the boost they need.

For example, my business partner Thomas and I are on the opposite ends of the spectrum.

When he enters a room, he is everywhere. Always talkative, gregarious, and will be surrounded by every person in the room. I’ve seen him keep that attitude up all night, for multiple nights in a row. I’d go crazy.

I, on the other hand, usually like to focus on making intimate connections, one or two people at a time. Within those I’m not afraid to be loud or playful, but I’m not always the center of the room. And personally, I can’t party every night without needing some serious decompression.

Does that mean one of us is more confident than the other? No. We are both direct, honest, and unafraid to speak our minds. We’re bold when we need to be and engage our audiences. We just enjoy approaching situations differently.

I’m frustrated that the word introvert has become the #1 cop out for men who are just scared. It’s the easiest way to avoid your fears and get people to pity you. It lets you absolve yourself of any responsibility. In reality, you’re just shy, nervous, and socially inexperienced. I know because I’ve used the same excuse way too many times in the past.

The trick to becoming a socially confident introvert is being proactive in a way that’s congruent to your personality. Here are some points I’ve learned over the years:

Shyness is fear. Introversion is what it is. You can enjoy your solitude and still build meaningful relationships.

Check out more awesome dating articles by Nick at The Dating Specialist

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  • John

    Okay, so I’m scared of social interaction… in which case, why the Hell would you expect me to do _anything_ on that list?

    • Rusty

      Because you need to confront your fear in order to stomp it out. Start small and only escalate when you feel comfortable. It can be as simple as grabbing a coffee together while chatting.

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