When I go to a party that my friend tells me is Halloween-themed, but it’s not.
When the bank clerk tells me my account balance
When I remember I put a pizza in the oven over an hour ago
When someone at a party mentions McDonalds breakfast at 4AM
Today, I turn 27, am recently single, and living in my parents basement
When my roommate comes home and I have been smoking the whole day
When my teacher is looking at me while they are teaching
When I found out my cousin’s wedding will be all vegan
When a girl walks away when I’m poorly-drunkenly flirting with her
When Internet Explorer wants to become my default browser
Farting when no one else is home
When I’m one of the only ones who actually BYOB to a party
After my wife spends 25 minutes in the same aisle at Walgreens…
When a girl at a party asks for a cigarette, and I’m the only smoker.
Coming home to a slow cooked roast to realize the crock-pot was never plugged in