By Nick Notas
Last Thursday I was with a friend at one of my favorite clubs in Chicago. He had another friend visiting: a 6’5” British guy with a deep voice and charming accent.
As you can guess, he was a big hit with the women around us. And I couldn’t have been happier for him.
If this was a few years ago, however, I might have been too busy in my head feeling insecure about my “short” comings. As a 5’8” slim-cut guy, height had always been a sore spot.
I know a lot of guys feel the same way, too. I’ve gotten hundreds of e-mails from men telling me how they’re depressed, unconfident, and held back by what they believe are physical limitations.
For some it’s their height. Others it may be a big nose, a weak chin, a crooked smile, an inability to grow facial hair, or even their race.
The truth is that you can’t change your height. But I can share how I overcame my limiting beliefs to become comfortable in my own skin. And I’m sure it’ll work for you.
Why? Because however bad you feel about the physical traits you were born with, I almost guarantee I’ve felt worse.
I’m the reason I’m short.
At the age of thirteen, I was diagnosed with growth hormone deficiency. My body wasn’t producing enough and I needed shots to grow normally.
By sixteen, I stopped taking the shots as often as instructed. They hurt and interfered with hanging out with friends. I was young, naive, and didn’t realize the impact it would have.
I could have been about 5’10”. This might not seem like much but it’s the difference between being average or above average versus being short. Once I became an adult, the realization was devastating and I hated myself because of it for a long time.
It was only through the following actions and realizations that I forgave myself and moved on. These can be applied to many physical traits that you feel insecure about.
Recognize you’re not alone. It’s easy to think no one understands your situation and that everyone else has it better than you. But ask a friend, “What would you change about yourself?” and you’ll always get an answer — usually more than one.
It’s human nature to think “the grass is greener on the other side”. We’re rarely satisfied with our current selves. In reality, even when people fix these external issues (through plastic surgery or other means) they just find a new problem to worry about. It becomes an endless chase.
The only solution that lasts is to look inside and…
Come to terms with reality. It’s not just as simple as saying, “Ok, I’m short.” You must love and accept yourself for everything you are. You have to stop hiding andprotecting yourself from the qualities you dislike.
That means no height-adding shoe inserts, no ridiculously elevated shoes, no lying on your online dating profile. And absolutely no limb-lengthening procedures! I thought about that (for 30 seconds) until I realized the excruciating pain of breaking your bones and not walking for months.
You need to be able to talk about your height without getting defensive. That includes not acting like a jerk by going on power trips, shouting at people, having temper tantrums, or trying to tear others down to feel better (see Napoleon Complex).
There’s no point in dwelling on something that you have no power over. Instead…
Focus on what you can improve. You may not be tall but you can be passionate,positive, playful, stylish, fit, assertive, honest, emotionally healthy, and lead often. You can learn to dance, build an engaging social circle, tell great stories, have an interesting lifestyle, develop a stronger voice, meet women regularly, and practice being flirtatious, physical, and sexually forward.
All these and much more ARE under your control. Working on them will make you more fulfilled, raise your self-esteem, and greatly increase your attractiveness.
Most guys don’t put in that kind of effort to improve themselves. I can’t tell you how many women I know that have been intrigued by a tall guy only to lose interest rapidly. Height can get your foot in the door but if you’re boring, an asshole, or can’t connect with women, you’ll be exiting quickly.
Investing in your self-development will get you ahead of the curve. Every person who has put in the effort to improve themselves has seen success. I’ve witnessed every look, shape, and size of man date beautiful women.
With a little patience and persistence, you’ll find many people who are attracted to you and…
Internalize your height is not an issue. What you thought was holding you back wasn’t what actually held you back. It was the limiting belief and subsequent lack of action that were to blame.
Women value many different qualities and every person has their own preferences. There is no one-size-fits-all man. Some girls like nerdy guys, some like rockers, some only date certain races, and yes, some like taller men. But one thing that’s certain is if you put yourself out there, you’ll find more amazing women than you could ever handle — however you look.
I’m a prime example of this. Despite being 5’8”, most of the girls I’ve dated have been above-average height and stood taller than me in heels. It didn’t bother them because it didn’t bother me.
Still don’t believe it? Out of about 20 responses from women to this question “Do you like a guy shorter than you?” the majority have dated, are dating, would date, are attracted to, or even choose, short men.
Being tall is a mindset. It’s all in your head, not in your height.