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Dating Out of Your League

December 20, 2013 | No Comments » | Topics: Dating

by Nick Notas

“No way, she’s out of my league!”

I wish I never had to hear this again.

I loathe the concept of a “league”. It’s destructive to your self-esteem and dating success. Yet the mainstream media, your family, and even you yourself perpetuate this idea.

Since everyone loves to use this as an excuse, I figured I should teach men the secret to dating women out of their “league”.

These so-called “leagues” are skin deep

When you claim a woman is out of your league, I bet you’re basing it on physical attractiveness. You disqualify yourself based on appearances alone.

You’re telling yourself looks are the only thing that matters – and that’s a terribly narrow view on people and relationships.

What if she shared no common interests with you? What if she was a horrible person? What if she didn’t care about anyone? What if she was always dishonest? What if she was selfish, immature, and insecure?

Would none of these things make a difference to you?

You have to see past her as an object. You’re placing her on a pedestal and idealizing her when you have no clue who she really is.

She’s a human with her own issues, faults, and baggage. Just because she’s pretty does not mean she’s perfect. Beauty is only a small piece of the puzzle.

While I won’t lie that physical attraction is important to me, it isn’t the most important quality I look for. Beauty is commonplace – I can walk into any packed bar, mall, or park and see dozens of girls that I’d consider attractive. Internal qualities like respect, kindness, and self-esteem are much more rare and precious.

Those qualities take days, weeks, or months to discover. And it often takes being intimate to allow partners to open up and start sharing their true selves.

When you stop judging women by their appearance, you’ll stop placing them out of your league.

We all have our own idea of what’s attractive

We have inpidual preferences that vary widely. We weigh qualities based on how we specifically value them. We’re humans, not pre-programmed machines.

Usually when guys say, “she’s out my league”, it’s before they’ve even talked to her or gone out on a date. To make that call, you’d have to know exactly what she wants in a partner. The truth is…

You have no idea what she’s looking for!

Is it physical attractiveness? Strength? Money? Confidence? Social influence? Sense of humor? Education? Intellect? Religious values? Moral compass?

Looks aren’t the end-all be-all, especially for women. There are many qualities that make an attractive man.

I’ve witnessed an overweight construction worker married to one of the hottest women I’ve ever seen. I have a 5’5” friend who dates gorgeous girls that tower over him. I’ve coached clients of all types and personalities to date women they find attractive. And I’ve spoken with hundreds of women over the years who all have various tastes in men.

You can’t eliminate yourself before you even know what she wants. Which leads me to…

Different preferences are just different – not better or worse

We all have our own personalities, interests, and goals. That’s what makes us inpiduals.

If you approach a woman and she’s not interested, don’t take it personally. It’s not a reflection of your self-worth. It’s not a rejection from all women or from certain “leagues”. It’s simply a declaration that you aren’t compatible with this one person.

It is literally impossible to hit it off with everyone and nor should you try. That’s a desperate, needy mindset endlessly chasing validation.

Seek out and invest in people who are compatible with you. Think about how she fitsyour preferences:

Does she have the qualities you desire? Does she share similar values? Is she someone you can respect and admire?

Set standards for yourself. Because if you don’t, you’re going to jump at the first person who shows you any interest — regardless if they’re right for you. That leads to unhappy, dead-end connections.

You’re the only one holding yourself back

So you see girls and decide they’re out of your league. Because of that, you don’t pursue them and nothing comes to fruition.

Then why not take those chances?

If these leagues exist, it won’t work out and you’ll end up in the same spot anyway. But if you’re wrong, you’ll experience success for yourself and those limiting beliefs will be destroyed.

I take clients out every week who’ve accepted they’re destined to loneliness or low-quality women.

Sometimes they approach a girl and strike out. But then I remind them that there are more innings and games to play. That even the greatest batters in history struck out often. Still, they kept stepping up to the plate and swinging at every opportunity that came their way.

Ted Williams Baseball

Ted Williams, who has one of the highest batting averages in history, struck out 709 times.

I convince them to continue approaching and what happens? They swing again and suddenly….home run! Their facial expression turns to awe as an “out of their league” woman shows them interest. I can only imagine it’s like winning the World Series for the first time.

At that moment, they realize that these leagues never existed in the first place. It was their own fear and nothing more.

The only requirements for dating are to be human and to participate. Registration is always open. It’s your turn to sign up.

Play ball.

Check out more awesome articles by Nick at The Dating Specialist >>

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