This One Goes Out To All The Smokers And Anyone Considering Smoking

February 18, 2014 | 7 Comments » | Topics: TRUTH

I am a smoker. It is not about control of your life. On the contrary.

When I first started I agreed with you. Then I started skipping family vacations because I couldn’t smoke around my parents. That was fucking cool. Then I skipped dinners because i couldn’t smoke in the restaurant. That was cool. Then I stopped playing sports. Then I bled whenever I brushed my teeth so I cut down on that. That was awesome becauase the bitches love a dude that doesn’t brush his teeth often. That’s fucking cool.

I live in a culture where its the norm to kiss on the cheek when you meet someone. I’m so cool that women wouldn’t kiss me because I stunk of an ash tray. Felt cool. Started getting wrinkles at 28. Cool again. Dick started to not work. That was awesome. Cool guys don’t care about getting boners because, like, fuck society, man.

I got invited to go on a boat. Everyone swam from the boat to the shore. Not me because I would fucking drown because my lungs are shit. Shit lungs like a fucking cool guy I guess. Sat on the deck and applied sun screen like a fucking movie star while my friends were on the beach drinking and having fun. Bunch of mainstream losers.

I don’t take more risks because I smoke cigarettes. I take fewer. But real risks are for pussies. It’s much cooler to secretly feel fear when I get chest pain because I’m afraid I might have cancer. It’s much cooler to go on WebMD trying to figure out how long I can have a chest pain before it’s time to get a chest x-ray. That’s cool, but you didn’t include WebMD in your little rundown of the benefits of being a cool worldly gentleman smoker.

I use them as a crutch because I’m such a pussy in social situations. It gives me something to do because I can’t think for myself well enough to do anything but go through the little ritual you described. So cool. When I go to airports in Europe I stand in a chamber the size of an elevator with 20 Chinese workers in jumpsuits chain smoking cheap shit. I’m different though. I’m cool. Anyone with two eyes and a brain can see that. That’s why I’m leaning like I am against this wall, and they’re just huffing away like a bunch of Chinese workers.

Speaking of a powerful person: A powerful person who can’t climb two flights of stairs without wheezing. A powerful person who has to clear his throat every 10 seconds while speaking. A powerful person who can’t do any martial art or sport because of no lungs. Jump me in an alley. I guarantee you’ll win because for the past few months I feel lightheaded when I stand up. But i take a risk 20 times a day because for now it doesn’t effect me but I guarantee when I actually get cancer I’ll cry like a little bitch and say how much I want to live.

I agree, though. 99% of people are idiots. Telling you not to smoke because of risks is dumb. Most people are cuntish about cigs and it makes it fun to smoke just to spite them. Especially in the West. Totally with you there. That’s also why I smoked, in part. To spite these cunts. It’s why I still refer to myself as a smoker. To spite these cunts.

But I also smoked to hurt myself. And I also smoked because I knew I didn’t fit in and I wanted it to be intentional rather than an offshoot of me being a weirdo.

Want a self imposed risk? You might as well cut yourself like a 13 year old girl. That’s how you’re coming across. If you want to take a risk, go climb a mountain or become a war photographer or swim with sharks or do FUCKING ANYTHING that requires ANY skill at all and might have the slightest possible positive outcome. Take a real fucking risk. You’ve chosen a risk with zero reward and zero skill required. It’s a pussy’s way to look like a bad ass. And over time, you’re going to become more and more of a pussy as you lose control of your life because you’re nothing but an addict. Seriously. You want a risk? Fly to Syria with a camera and start learning Arabic. Maybe you get famous. Either you die or you’ll be swimming in pussy. THAT’S a risk. But you won’t take it because you’re not actually courageous. Your idea of courage is inhaling a little bit of fire. I’ve seen old ladies doing that at casinos hauling oxygen tanks around. It looked awesome. They looked like Indiana fucking Jones.

If you really wanna be cool, shoot up heroin. But you don’t want to be that cool because it involves actual risks and not pretend "maybe someday" risks.

Jesus Christ man you’re deluded. You are trying to be different but you’ve chosen the dumbest possible way to do it. So have I. We’re idiots. I feel free to speak to you like this because I spent 8 years smoking a pack or more a day. Ash tray after ash tray, 20 a day of being the coolest fucker on the planet. Got me nothing. No one thought I was cool. Not even myself. It’s not cool at 8 o clock in the morning when no one is around. It’s not cool when you have the flu and you really don’t want to smoke but you still need to.

In the end I had to accept I only did it because on some level I wanted to die, which I guess is cool and risky, but if I had any balls I would end it like a man instead of prolonging it out for 40 years like a little coward. You’re gonna quit eventually because sooner or later you’ll be an old man who gets no pussy whatsoever and your dick will be limp and you’ll stink and your fingers will be yellow and you’ll look like shit.

"Oh, I’ll just kill myself then." No you won’t. No you fucking won’t. you’ll regret it and haul around an oxygen tank like everyone else and you’ll be ignored by the next generation of cool guys who will never die. Good luck man. You’re totally right. You’re fucking cool, man. You’re a thoughtful meditative dude who has life figured out. Me too, man. Me too. You wanted to argue with a non smoker but I’m a real smoker. I’m a real risk taker. I’m far cooler than you are. You can’t lie to me. I know the shit you’re talking about and we both know you’re full of it. you’re on some kindergarten shit. You’re like the dude that drinks a Mike’s Hard Lemonade once and talks about how wasted he was for the next 3 weeks. Real cool. Realllll cool.

You want advice? Don’t smoke again. Do LSD if you want to be cool. Or smoke weed. Those actually have benefits. Or travel. Or bang sketchy girls. Or go to a bad part of town. Get into cock fighting. Be a trucker. Figure out a way to take a risk that will result in a story at the very least. Take it from me I started out thinking and talking like you and several years down the line, before I knew it, I turned into a fucking slave.

(via Reddit)