Confessions Of An Unattractive Woman Living In A Superficial World

March 24, 2014 | 17 Comments » | Topics: Writing

CS Undergrad at MIT 

I am ugly. I am unattractive. I know that my skin is awful, my hair is greasy, and society simply does not permit women to weigh as much as I do.

But, mind you, this is not the same as having low self-esteem. Because when I look in the mirror, I hate my body, not myself. I simply shake my head and think, “This isn’t me. This mediocre sack of meat isn’t me. I’m just renting it out, driving it around. It’s a tool. It’s a vehicle. I use it to take myself places that I need to go, and that’s all there is to it.”

Ok fine, I’m not Zen enough to actually believe I can escape with that train of thought. The truth is, I am frustrated with the irreconcilable disconnect between my pride and my presence. The acne mask and the fat suit egregiously fail to conform with my mental mockups of my perfectly badass self. I suppose the only real solution then, besides undergoing extensive surgeries, is to upload my conscience to a supercomputer. 

Maybe the Singularity will happen, and everything will be great, but in the meantime, I much prefer the Internet to real life interactions because most of you haven’t got a clue as to what I look like, and if you don’t like me it’s because my ideas suck and not because you find my face unpleasant. The Internet allows me to temporarily abandon the limitations of my subpar physical avatar.

Even if people are especially curious about my appearance, I only allow them to make vague inferences based off a single profile picture, uniform across all my social media haunts, taken a very long time ago at a surprisingly flattering angle, in which I actually manage to trick them into thinking I look quite average. Well, I don’t. I’ve gained 50 pounds since then, and academic stress makes my acne flare up like nobody’s business.

Regardless, I decided a while back that everyone has his or her own strengths and weaknesses, and I would do well to focus on my strengths instead of my weaknesses. Even people who are bad at everything are less bad at some things than they are at others. After some introspection, I concluded that I was less bad at learning things than I was at looking pretty, so I would ultimately benefit far more from sharpening my skills and pursuing a technical career than from trying in vain to undo the effects of losing the genetic lottery.

As for the romantic side of things, I avoid unnecessary heartbreak by keeping myself from harboring silly delusions about reciprocated love in the first place. I have rationalized that it is okay for me to be ugly because 1) marriage is not the optimal arrangement for everyone and 2) the human race would likely carry on just fine without my genetic contribution.

I am irritated with the cliché that “everyone is beautiful” because surface friendliness and pretending to be PC don’t solve anything. It doesn’t help the young girl with confidence issues because even if you’re “nice” enough to tell her that she’s beautiful, are you nice enough to, like, actually date her? Words mean nothing without actions, yet it’s patently unfair to expect people not to be shallow because at the end of the day, beauty is beauty, attraction is attraction, and sexual desire is governed by deep-rooted evolutionary impulses that people don’t understand and can’t control.

It would be far more useful to promote the idea that people can contribute to the world in a variety of interesting and fulfilling ways besides making others salivate over their bodies. You can make original scientific breakthroughs! You can regale people with tales of heroic conquest! You can build products that make people’s lives easier! But I guess changing the world wouldn’t make for an effective beauty products campaign.

(via Quroa)

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  • TL;DR

  • bobcollum

    I liked her attitude through most of the piece, but the last bit she shows her deep-rooted bitterness towards attractive women. She can’t be an object of sexual desire, so she mocks those that are by labeling their attribute as ‘useless, uninteresting, and unfulfilling’.

    • darla

      AAAAaaaaaand? This is “confessions” of an ugly woman, not logical reasons why people suck.

    • BlueBelle

      I’ve lived her life, and this is accurate. why bother doing anything? If you are an ugly woman, nothing you do is worth jack. Everything is BUT. She’s ugly BUT she won the Nobel prize so maybe she’s ok.

  • Reason

    Truth is, almost everyone can become much more attractive doing 3 things: 1. workout 2. eat right 3. Proper body care (hair, makeup, shower, etc). If you’re too lazy to do these things I have no remorse for you.

    • joe

      Completely agree. I’m an ugly ass man that used to be fat, I would have rated myself a 3 at best. But now fit, take care of my hair, and finally started to get into men’s fashion, I would give myself a 6-7 really, even with my ugly mug.

      • darla

        Wow, anyone who loves you now is pretty shallow. You must be living very happy.

        • kazi

          Like the author said, these judgements that humans make are only natural…we’re superficial creatures that use our eyes to make snap judgements about EVERYTHING. We can only try to fight this and realize that someone’s character is more valuable than an empty shell that looks pretty on the outside…and even that fades with age…everybody looks ugly eventually.

      • BlueBelle

        key word, man.

      • wth

        men always think they are better than they actually are. I bet you still ugly as fuck,loser.

  • janet

    wow, I am looking at this comments and I can’t help but get so annoyed at them.I am an unattractive woman. I am what you can call unattractive or rather average looking I am not fat or anything and I do try to dress well and wear makeup but still don’t look attractive. I don’t know why guys have to be so mean about this. Its easy being an unattractive dude because in media and TV we have made them into heroes who will win that beautiful crush that they always had but do you ever see an unattractive woman cast as a heroine who will win the handsome rich guy, NEVER. There are basically no unattractive women in media. Everyone wants to see attractive women succeed but will put down an unattractive one.

    I get ignored alot, I don’t get invited to parties or events.My own brother is ashamed of being seen with me on the streets, my best friend would rather go clubbing with our other beautiful friends who she can’t stand than me. I get ignored a lot when ordering drinks. I get treated weirdly by cashiers and waiters. I have seen how different people treat my best friend.

    Everyone will tell me to change my attitude and think differently but when you get a certain reaction your whole life HOW THE HELL ARE YOU SUPPOSED TO CHANGE THAT. Even with the comments that have been posted here you can obviously see everyone blaming this girl for something that she is going through.In this post you will tell her to loose the weight and in another you will tell her to get surgery or change her attitude. SHE IS NOT TO BLAME. All she ever wants is to be treated well and fairly. To empathize with her to empathize with any other unattractive woman that you meet on the street or at work or you come across.

    Don’t treat them like lesser being. THIS IS ESPECIALLY FOR GUYS!!! Don’t buy her friends drinks and leave her out. Don’t call her friends pretty and call her ugly. Don’t open the door for her beautiful friends and refuse to open for her. Don’t ignore her when she is ordering something at the restaurant, Don’t feel ashamed of taking her out when you can call her for a booty call.. Give her that job if she has the qualifications. If she is amazing and you like her and even feel a desire to be with her don’t pass her out just coz you are ashamed of your friends thinking you are a looser for going out with an unattractive woman.

    I am an unattractive woman but I love myself. I wouldn’t want to be anyone but me, I love me,I thank God everyday for giving me life and good health that the fact that I am unattractive is a by the way that I don’t let define who I am and what I can do. But the world is very superficial and its not easy being an attractive woman. But nonetheless, I will not let it define me and what I am capable of.

  • kazi

    I’ve been hearing a lot of about positive body images and what not and I just wanted to add my 2 cents. Looks do matter in this world, but it adds very little to your actual worth. The media wants you to think your physical form matters, that’s why it matters to a lot of people. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with trying to exercise to become slim or covering up scars and acne with make-up to look healthier, but the point is: your character is what is eternal and your personality is what matters most when you look past your superficial skin. The entire world is participating in a rat race where the most perfect looking person wins, you can choose not to take part in that rat race because the truth is…nobody’s perfect. Accept your body as an ageing bag of meat and focus on improving your character, learning an instrument, learning a new language etc. instead of killing yourself to live up to some asshole in Hollywood’s image of what you should be.

    • BlueBelle

      You are obviously an attractive woman.