When I walk out of a disgusting public restroom
My children’s reaction when they wake up and I’m eating jelly beans for breakfast.
When I’m with my girlfriend and my buddies ask if I want to go to the strip club with them
When I accidentally kick my cat when he darts in front of me in the hallway
When my brother finishes season 1 of Game of Thrones, texts me upset
When my ex tells me I’m jealous of her new boyfriend and that I want her back
When my gf says that none of her male friends want to bang her
When my son hit the back of my heel with the shopping cart.
Jared Fogle’s reaction when he gets a job in the prison kitchen because of his history as the Subway guy
When I found out that Russia put “For Paris” on their bombs to Syria
When my dumpy and unlucky friend leaves the bar with an equally dumpy girl
When I realise what those fuzzy handcuffs in my parents’ room that I used to play with as a child were for
When my cousin tells me my life is incomplete without kids