A Few Answers To Questions You Always Wondered About

November 30, 2016 | 5 Comments » | Topics: Answers, Interesting

What is the NoFap movement all about?

You have a primal, almost irresistible urge to procreate. That biological urge, when mixed with your testosterone, is intended to motivate you to jump out of bed in the morning ready to fight and fcuk your way through the herd, leaving vanquished foes and satiated hoes in your wake. Unfortunately, our advanced brains and opposable thumbs over time have discovered an almost perfect and flawless cheat: Masturbation. After all, it’s so much easier, so much less of a hassle, to simply cut all the corners, skip through the level, and polish that platinum trophy really fast until the end credits roll.

Here’s where this wonderful thing we’re discovering called NoFap comes in: You, being the horny, over-sexed, perverted woman crazy fiend that you are, have a choice in how you get off.: Your hand or a vagina. You may feel like only one of those choices is viable, but that’s merely because it’s the EASY choice, so it appears to be the preferred one. Guess what: If you actually stop jerking off, and I mean STOP – eliminate it as a possibilty from your life (as I and many others have) – your sex starved brain and testicles will literally lead you out into the world and between the legs of a female. It just HAPPENS. Try it, you numbskull. You’ll see that I speak the truth.

“But….but…. Chinesegangster, that’s easy for you to say but I have bad acne, back hair, a harelip, and my breath smells like a circus chimp’s used diaper!”

Fine. Lower your standards and look again. The only reason your standards are so irrationally high in the first place is because of that damn computer screen you’ve been sitting in front of half your life. Hint: now that you’re no longer wasting your life in your comfy jerk-off chair, you will have plenty of time to apply Clearasil, shave your ape nape, and brush your teeth. NO MATTER WHO YOU ARE, THERE ARE REAL WOMEN OUT THERE WHO WILL HAVE SEX WITH YOU. They’re just waiting for you to poke your head into their personal space and say “Hello beautiful. You look bored. Can I help you with that?” Don’t believe me? Go to the Manga section at Barnes and Noble right now. There are three (3) nerdy girls on the floor at this very moment feeling lonely and unattractive, faces pressed into some crappy Japanese rape comic, dreaming of the day that someone like you comes along and says those exact words.

Stop mentally objecting to the wisdom of what I’m saying and automatically trying to make yourself the exception to this absolute rule. You’re not different, you’re not unique, and you’re not a hopeless case. You’re a MAN, and mother nature wants your penis to hang out inside wet vaginas. PORRN HAS BEEN COCKBLOCKING YOU FROM YOURSELF. SNAP OUT OF IT! Stop jerking off, and sex will happen to you. You will do it for yourself on an unconscious and biological level and you will literally marvel as it’s happening. And it will be FUN. Trust me, meeting and flirting with young women may be effort, but it sure as hell isn’t work.

I’m speaking undeniable truth here. This place has changed my life for the better, and I’m just like YOU.

– Chinesegangster



You will miss important life occasions

Birthdays; Public Holidays; Occasional Weddings; Parties; Christenings; Weekends.

Its unrealistic in this industry to assume that you’ll ever have these off. The rest of the world plays whilst you toil, weekends are almost a taboo – and this will generally eliminate most parties and birthdays as the rest of the world will want to do this onTheirweekends. it is possibly the biggest killer of potential chef careers. It can be a very lonesome and frustrating life to those who aren’t willing to make the sacrifice. Regularly I will forgo a friend’s birthday even though I had booked the time off 4 months prior to that occasion (to whom I still have to apologise to regularly) In most industries you can “pick up the workload” on another day if you are unable to work. a kitchen however is more delicate. they have exactly the right amount of staffone person missing can halt the entire functionality of a restaurant. which brings me to my next point.

There is no such thing as sick

If you are not on life support, then you are fine. Cut your finger off? put a band-aid on…or better yet cauterise it on the stove both fast and effective. you have the flu? no you don’t it’s a cold, and even if it were the flu – put a mask on and get your arse to work. In my career, closely drawing a decade now, I’ve had two sick days: both times I was in hospital. If your feet can carry you, you can work…and you will work, nay not even from obligation, but from an odd combination of fear, guilt and compassion. Fear that your family will fail without you, fear that you will return having let them down.

introduction into alcoholism and drug abuse will be very high

It’s no secret that this industry is rife with illicit substances and drunks. We are already sourced from the fringes of society, people who often fit in nowhere else. Some use recreational drugs, some use hard drugs and are completely addicted. Often you will find a waitress or chef racking up lines on a pizza tray at the end of the day before heading out to a night club, looking for escapism. Addiction is high (pardon the pun) among all people in our industry, and your ability to cope, stay away from, or fall into it – is completely up to the individual. You will see some of the highlights of human injustice, and bear witness  to (and possibly be a part of) a plethora, and cocktail of drug (ranging from weed to smack) and alcohol abuse.

Relationships will be difficult

Unless your partner is understanding you will have a string of unfortunate relationships. Another common misconception when someone goes into a relationship with a chef is that we will cook for you constantly. Though we are passionate about food, generally we will be working when you want to be fed. I’m one of the only chefs in my circle of peers who still cooks “properly” at home on a regular basis; most survive on a diet composed of instant meals, take out and dregs of half eaten chip packets. One must not fail to mention that most chefs are courteous and sociable on seldom occasions generally, and they are worse post a shift; only further propelling this relationship over the proverbial waterfall..this babies going over!! Bail overboard whilst you still can!! Time however is probably the biggest killer of relationships in our industry. It is difficult for most (not all, there’s still hope kiddies) to be with someone who is consistently never there, someone who (it seems) is more dedicated to his or her profession than the potential love of his/her life. Time will always be an instigator of hardships when it comes to chefs. which progresses to the next point:

Your hours are fucked

though many people will regularly complain about an 8 hour day (inclusive of 2 to 3 breaks) or even god forbid a 10 hour day, you will savor the rare occasion you get an 8 hour shift with no break whatsoever. The average shift for a chef is around the 12 hour mark (according to a recent census) though I personally and quite regularly work more. You will stand on your feet all day, sweat, and toil. Your entire working career will be an endurance marathon for both your body and mind. cuts, burrs, burns they are all part of the process.

You’re a piece of shit

or at least the majority of your superiors will inform you of this. Where as in the real world verbal bullying is now room for a class action lawsuit, in our domain it is second nature. “You fucking little shit, what is wrong with you?” could roughly translate as “wow, you have made quite a mistake young sir, I’m amazed at how you’ve made such an error” or perhaps “what’s wrong mate? too busy thinking about sucking dicks on your days off to do your fucking job” could easily be interpreted as “excuse me, is something the matter? you seem to have lost concentration and I can see it’s affecting your work”. On occasion it gets multi-lingual “which fuckwit touched my fucking Mise en? are you fucking retarded” which of course means “someone seems to have rifled through my preparation as it is now disorganised, and now I’m in disarray.” Not to mention a lot of this toiling will be for a very minimal pay until you eventually secure a respectable position. Also unlike the majority of things in this modern-day and age you are never “given” anything in this industry – because contrary to the ribbon you get for participating in a school running carnival (coming 4th last) you, like everyone else, start at the very bottom.  you must earn it, you must climb the hierarchy slowly and arduously. No rewards are given for “trying”  either you do your job, or you don’t.. and get fired -simple. Peeling 100kg of potato, picking 1kg of individual thyme leaves (don’t you dare cheat and just strip the stalks, I will throw that shit back in your face) these are all jobs that will challenge your very essence to overcome the sheer boredom, inanity and pain of it, as all of the chefs before you have done. But this is the process, you will start learning, you will always be learning.

– zaneheemi


How do prisoners get so muscular?

When I first came to prison back in 2001, I knew that I would be entering a treacherous environment.  Instinctively, I felt the Darwinistic importance of staying in shape in order to survive. I was actually looking forward to ‘hitting the weight pile’ and ‘driving iron’ in order to put on some muscular size.  However, when I finally made it to the yard, I learned that the California Department of Corrections had removed all of the weights in 1998.  Administration claims this was due to the potential of them being used as weapons.  Personally, I think it was because California’s ‘tough on crime’ policy had almost doubled the size of the prison population.  The end result being more and more muscle-bound felons being released back into society.   Whatever the reason, guys in prison could no longer get as big, except for the dedicated few who used their creative ingenuity to achieve muscular size and definition.
Every yard I’ve  been on  has  workout bars where men can  do  a variety of exercises like push-ups, pull-ups, dips, and leg-lifts. To add weight to their routines, I’ve seen guys use each other’s body weight to add resistance to their workouts. Push-ups are done with someone leaning against your back and squats can be done with somebody sitting on your shoulders. I’ve also seen guys fill pillowcases with sand to use as dumb­ bells. In the cell, trash bags are filled with water and placed inside a bucket with a handle for shoulder shrugs and lateral raises.   My favorite method is stacking forty to fifty National Geographic magazines and tying them up in a laundry bag for bicep curls and tricep extensions.
This question actually gave me the courage to ask one of the more muscular guys on the yard, ‘Curly Joe’, how he still managed to stay so buff.  Here’s the inside scoop. Curly told me the secret is lots of reps with shorter a smaller range of motion.   He explained, “You got to pump those muscles up like a balloon until they feel like their going to explode.” I told him it sounded somewhat painful. He just laughed and went to do another set.  I’ve always been more of a tennis/running kind of guy anyway, so if I can ‘tout-muscle, at least I’ll be able to out run them.

Christopher Schuhmacher, inmate San Quentin State Prison



Why are gun silencers not used extensively among criminals?

  1. They don’t “silence” weapons that effectively – Despite what you see in films, the best quality firearms suppressors shave only 20-40 dB off of the sound of a firearm discharging. It’s often not worth the time,nor the effort to obtain one since it doesn’t suppress the sound that well.
  2. They are expensive – Sound suppressors purchased legally aren’t cheap; those bought on the street are sold for very high amounts of money. Most criminals steal the weapons they use or they purchase them stolen from street sources. A weapon is a high dollar acquisition, leaving little for accessories.
  3. Weapons rarely have integral suppressors – Most of the time the suppressor has to be attached prior to the weapon being fired. Since that takes time and most street shootings aren’t well-planned affairs, it would be impractical for criminals to carry or use suppressors.
  4. It brings higher sentences – Using a firearm with a suppressor to commit to crimes is a federal offense in the United States. Also, possessing one without the proper documentation can result in a ten year sentence. Most criminals want to avoid getting harsh penalties and if they used a suppressor, they would likely do so in situations where there would no possible chance that they would be caught doing as such.

Jon Mixon



What’s it like to get out of prison after 28 years

I went to prison in 1982 and was released Feb 2009. To say the world I stepped into was a shock, it was a total shock. I felt everyone could tell I was a convict. I could feel the stares, going into stores you see people watching you. In prison you develop a sense where you are always aware of what’s going on around you. Your gaurd is always up.

I noticed people would cut the line in front of me and not think nothing of it, people would talk shit and if I checked them somehow I became the bad guy.

Society has made it so hard to get a job, with all them background checks, can’t rent, fill out a app for a job, list your last 3 employers and why you left. So you get creative on your answers, I put down I worked for the state. Get pulled over, cops whole demeanor changes when he runs your name. Some people don’t like you just because you doing better then them, and it’s my fault your stupid.

You scare people for no reason, trust issues all around. There’s no way I can make others feel the way they feel it’s them. Everything can be cool then they find out you were in prison that long. Some ask questions, some shun you, some don’t change its no factor to them, but once word gets out your judged by people you don’t even know haven’t even meet them. You hear it through friends, some will even say something when they hear another talking shit about you.

All in all out here is way way better then in prison, I’ve been out now for 7 and a half years, I’ve seen stuff that would get you killed on the inside. Out here people snitch, call cops, and not think twice of what there doing. I still hate pigs and always will. For I see them as bad as convicts on shit they do. When a pig sees another pig violate another person’s rights, harass him, beat him and don’t do something to stop the offending pig to me he’s just as dirty. When the pigs got shot up and everyone spoke how bad that was, what came to my mind was shoe just went to the other foot. But society don’t get to worked up when a pig kills one of us.

Prison made me into the person I am. Product of my environment. I can function well and do out here,but that underlinine factor of prison will never go away no matter what I do. No credit history,own a house but can’t barrow a dollar, no medical history, no job history, learn to use smart phone and computer. So much is differant, it’s a system set up for my failure that what society has created . But I won’t fail and I won’t become one of them.

– John Wussler

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