1. Pretended to be interested in me, we developed a great friendship 3 strong years at the time. Then I met my future husband, he noticed that I have never been so interested and in love with someone. He would comment sarcastically on our pictures on facebook. He then confessed his love for me and begs me to leave him by saying that he has put up with my shit for so long. In my defense, he never showed romantic interest. He lived in Texas, he drove all the way to California to bombard me at 3am, threatening to kill himself If i dont ever love him back, threatened to hurt my husband and such. I called the cops and now I have a restraining order against him.
2. I was friends with this guy for a couple years, but was never interested in dating him. I was fairly certain he was aware of that, and since he never said or did anything that seemed to me like he was interested in me either, I assumed we were legitimately friends. He never asked me out, he never made any comment even suggesting he wanted anything more. We were fairly close, and had a lot of mutual friends. I never thought anything else was going on.
Apparently, this was not the case. A couple days after I got a new boyfriend, I update my relationship status on Facebook. My “friend” calls me within like…2 minutes of this update, and immediately starts shouting at me, demanding to know why he “wasn’t good enough for me” and why my boyfriend “was so much better than him.” I tired to get him to calm down, but he just kept yelling about how he was a “nice guy” and how he had “always been so nice to me, why didn’t I ever give him a chance?” I calmly tried to explain to him that I never got any signals from him, and I didn’t think I ever did anything to lead him on or anything, and he shouted that “he’s such a nice guy and doesn’t deserve to be friend-zoned like this.”
I made one final attempt to salvage the conversation, and tried to explain that I was sorry if he felt deceived, but it also really hurt my feelings that I thought he legitimately valued me as a person and wanted to be my friend, but now he’s just mad I won’t sleep with him. He flat-out screamed at me “FUCK YOU! You’re just a cold bitch! I bet your boyfriend’s an asshole anyway!!!”
I hung up on him and he never spoke to me again. Two years of relatively close friendship down the drain in one phone call. It felt pretty shitty.
3. I’ve had a bunch of “nice guy” friends who stopped talking to me after I made it clear I wasn’t interested in dating them, but the worst was one guy who was legitimately my friend for a 2 years and seemed to not mind the fact that I wasn’t attracted to him and claimed he wasn’t attracted to me either.
Pretty much he ended up calling me a whore, telling all our mutual friends I had played him, and shutting me out.
4. The first few days of my freshman year in college, before classes even started, I was really excited to get to meet new people. And I met lots of people. One of those people was this guy who lived in the dorm building next to mine, they were actually connected on the main floor. He was a “nice guy.” We talked about a bunch of stuff, he was a sophomore, gave me some tips on some professors, etc. He was telling me about some movie, I don’t even remember what it was now, but it sounded cool and I had never heard of it. We decided to go watch it in his dorm room. So we watch this movie (small dorm room, we sat on the bed because there’s nowhere else to sit). I go back to unpacking, talking to other people, all sorts of days before school starts things.
Except he decided that not only was watching a movie on his laptop a date, it was me agreeing to a deep relationship with him. I find out he’s told people we are dating. I quickly try to straighten it out, I tell him it wasn’t a date, and I’ve just gotten to school and am not about to jump into a relationship anyway. He cries and tells a bunch of people that I’m cruel and a terrible human being and basically stomped on his heart because I’m just that evil.
But then he apologizes, hopes we can just be friends. I can’t really avoid him so sure, we can be friends. Except then every time I’m in the same room as him he moves to stand next to me or sit next to me and scoot closer and closer. Then he starts “happening to be” places I am. If those places were the library or quad, sure. But those places are the stairwell that goes from my dorm to the main floor and outside. Because lots of people like to hang out in stairwells, particularly ones that don’t go anywhere they need to be. Or outside of a class I have he isn’t taking.
I talk to him again. Very clear. Do not want relationship. Do not want friendship if he cannot handle that. Want to be left alone. Why don’t I like him, “he’s a nice guy.” Nice guys don’t make me have this discussion. Nice guys do not wait for me in the damn stairwell.
We go through this cycle for the next year and a half. He leaves me alone for a little while, comes and apologizes for being inappropriate in the past, says he’s seeing a counselor, he didn’t get it before, he does now, he’s so sorry. Within a short period of time, like hours, he does something again, like walks over while and tries to “casually” put his arm around me. I stopped even saying “What the Hell?” when he did this, I just removed it and left. It got better the next year when our dorms were not close to each other but didn’t completely stop. It ended pretty badly.
He thought he was this misunderstood, nice guy. That I didn’t see who he was. I could see who he was. He was was an entitled, whiny, narcissistic stalker who made me have to constantly look over my shoulder.
5. A long time ago, a guy in my group project insisted on driving me home afterwards because he didn’t want me to walk in the rain. How nice of him! The next time our group met up, he wanted to drive me home again but I declined because I was going to a friend’s place. He blew the fuck up at me and said the only reason I wouldn’t date him (first of all, a ride home is not a date, dude!!) was because he was Middle Eastern. I already had a boyfriend at the time. Who was Lebanese. I thought that would shut him up, but then he said that white women shouldn’t be with Arabic men! Like… you just wanted to date me a second ago, pal. Another dude in the group thankfully suggested subtly that we finish the project via email. A true bro. I’ll never forget you, guy whose name I forgot.
6. I was getting tutored at school one time and the guy who was tutoring me was asking what my plans were for the weekend. I assumed it was small talk so I just said the usual, studying, working, hanging out with my boyfriend.
He got so pissed. He started to rant on and on about how girls like me were all the same. Always “using” guys and then never giving anything in return. That he helped me so the least I could do was go out on a date with him. That he’s so nice and no girls ever want to date him, probably because we all like jerks (his words). He said I was a fake/tease too for allowing him to tutor me. He got kind of aggressive too and started to slam things around/shove chairs into the tables and stuff. I noped out of there so fast.
7. I had one guy who had a crush on me completely stop talking to me when I started dating someone else, but on my birthday I got a huge box in the mail from him. It had a ton of weird stuff in it, bed sheets, a stuffed giraffe, an old journal from a young grade that they had to write in for points with new entries made about me (all written in his “kid” style), a framed collage of pictures of me and screenshots of our text conversations, a letter explaining the giraffe begged to be sent to me, as well as congratulating me on my 4 month anniversary.
I called him immediately to tell him that it was inappropriate and he called my boyfriend and got into a fight with him or something and then posted on facebook about how he “went out of his way to get a nice gift for a girl who didn’t appreciate it.”
8. In high school I befriended a guy at work named Tyler. He went to a different school but I had previously worked with his neighbor who was also a girl like myself. She also grew up knowing my friend Danielle so we’d all hang out pretty frequently and because I and his neighbor didn’t have drivers licenses he or Danielle would typically pick us up and drop us off to hang out. Well we were all on great terms hanging out for like 6 months. Then I started hearing stuff about him having a crush on me but I ignored it because I knew I had no romantic feelings for him and he never put moves on me so I assumed it was just people teasing. He ended up asking me to hang out just the two of us while we were at work and a male coworker butted in to save me from what I later realized was an attempted date. The coworker said we had a date together that night and Tyler never said anything. Until he freaked the fuck out on me via text a few days later about how I never gave him a chance and that I only liked the other coworker because he was rich, good looking, and drove a nice car. It was awful. I warned his neighbor and my friend Danielle and they chose to ignore it until he had the same reaction to each of them dating other people.
9. A past co-worker had a huge crush on me. He was very sweet but I would ignore his incessant messaging and when he asked me if I received his messages that weekend, I came up with a basic excuse,”sorry but my phone is messed up and I don’t receive messages on time.” This fucking guy not only believes a terrible excuse, but he adds a phone line to his phone plan, gets a great quality, brand new goddamn phone and “surprises” me with it at the end of my shift. As he stands beside my car with a bulgy-eyed stuffed animal and a T-Mobile box, I wanted to crawl into a hole. Long story short, let him down easy and he cried. No he did not get watery-eyed, he fucking cried with snot coming out as I gave him a ride home because he had taken the bus for an added surprise so i wouldn’t suspect he was there. cringe
10. I went on some dates with a very nice guy (who naturally complained that girls didn’t like him because he was “too nice”). The problem was that his idea of nice was avoiding confrontation. I did something that upset him and instead of talking to me about it he sent me this insanely long text message that cam through scrambled and I could barely read it. So I say come over and we will talk about it.
Shows up, says basically nothing even when I am asking pointed questions based on what I was able to decipher from this crazy long text.
Happened a second time and I gave up. He was nice but that definitely wasn’t the problem. It was that he never wanted to say something even mildly confrontational which meant we couldn’t ever talk about something we might disagree about. No way to move forward in a relationship like that.
So now I’m just one more woman who didn’t like him because he is “too nice.”
11. I went on a date with a guy who did actually seem quite nice. Almost… too nice. Such as over the top compliments every few minutes, outright refusing to let me pay (I gave in because I didn’t want to argue in front of people) and agreeing with my opinion on absolutely everything.
At the end of the date I tell him that I’m sorry but I don’t want a second date, although I do agree to be friends when he asks if that’s ok. Friends actually goes well, we hang out a couple more times and he’s way less OTT.
Two weeks later I go away for a week to Auckland, and shag a guy I met online while up there. Come back, and a couple of days pass then I hang out with the first guy again. He asks how the trip went, I tell him what I got up to, and then… it gets creepy.
He tells me he can forgive me for cheating on him, because he knows I’m the one, and that we’re going to get married one day. As I’m sitting there with a look of WTF on my face, he continues that he understands that I only slept with someone because I needed a release since we hadn’t “consummated our future” yet, but perhaps it was time because he didn’t want us to get too old to be good parents (I was 20!)
I noped right the fuck out of there, and for the next month or so I swear I caught glimpses of him hanging round my work and home.
12. I had this friend in high school – and we’ll call him a “friend,” quotes and all, because I don’t talk to him anymore – who I’d thought was a pretty chill dude. He was kind of a dork and didn’t have a lot of friends, but I was kind of the same way so I could relate. Anyway, towards the beginning of our senior year of high school, I started steadily dating another friend of ours who had asked me out a few weeks before.
My “friend” flipped his lid.
Now, this “friend” had also asked me out on a couple of previous occasions, but I’d always declined because I didn’t see him as anything more than a buddy. So one evening I told him that I’d started dating this other person, and this guy just went off on me, claiming that he had more of a right to date me because he’d known me longer, that he’d been a good friend to me, the works. It was a royal mess. That “friendship” somehow lasted another two years. I finally cut it off at the knees because he was an emotionally manipulative jerk who kept trying to horn in on my relationships and got jealous when I made new friends. Last year I dropped him like a bad habit and have never felt better.