What did you do before you joined the mail order service?
I just graduated from college.
Why get into it?
I was young and didn’t have clear intentions, just curiosity
What was the appeal to the US?
Russians have a romanticized vision of US – that is free, cool, and a land of opportunity.
What were your perceptions of the US before you came? Has your experience been anything like what you were expected since your divorce?
Perceptions before I came were shaped by Hollywood – so white picket fence and two story house with two kids and a dog. Or Manhattan. And all kinds of freedom for all. Turned out to be the opposite of that.
Since my divorce – yes, I live the American dream now. But I had to make it by myself.
How do you perceive men that "order" their brides? Is there an outstanding difference to those that look for their wives themselves?
It depends on a particular man. If he is looking for something submissive and is going to abuse her – very negatively. But if he just wants to have a family and is out of luck in his own country – why not?
Why don’t women who are interested in this sort of thing ever go to the US dating sites (OKC, POF, Match, etc) and look for their ideal husbands and contact them through those instead of the mail order bride sites since most people tend to think they are scams?
I don’t know. Maybe because your average US male is not interested in a long-distance relationship?
Did you try dating Russian men? What was that like?
Yes. I was very young, so I just remember being constantly pressured to have sex.
How old were you when you married your American husband, how old was he?
What he did for a living?
Do you know how much he paid for you?
I know he spent $10K to fly over and have a wedding. Not sure how much he paid to the agency. May have been a free online service?
Was he doing it for sex?
He was doing it for many reasons and I’m sure sex was one of them.
How was the sex?
Sex was OK
Are pre-nups common for these marriages?
Pre-nups are common, especially when men are wealthy.
Did you bang the first night you met him?
How was your marriage at first?
Initially it was a honeymoon-like relationship. He treated me well and we had a brief dating period. I did notice him mistreating service staff (very rude) once and thought about leaving right then, but decided that I should be an adult and not bail on someone so easy.
Did you ever develop genuine affection for him?
I did develop genuine affection – in his good/ sane times he was very fascinating and charming. He also travelled the world and had great taste. It all was like a great adventure. I didn’t feel forced to be intimate.
Did you ever feel like you were using him just to come live in America? Do you think he ever felt used?
I didn’t feel like it – I was going to create a family, we had a kid. I supported him through crushing poverty and disability and only left him after he was OK again. He probably feels he was used – he tends to blame other people for his problems.
Did you have a plan B in case the marriage didn’t work out? If yes, what was it? and would you ever go back to Russia if you got the American citizenship?
I was 21, so I didn’t even have a plan A. And yes, I would go back to Russia – I had a good life there. Aside from being embarrassed, of course.
Is becoming a mail order bride in Russia an embarrassing thing?
So whats there to be embarrassed about?
That I couldn’t make a success of my new family and my new country
What would you say is the percentage of mail order brides who take the money and disappear?
I’ve met one. She got $100k after being married for 2 weeks to a guy worth $20M. Most others do not get much if anything – they are unfamiliar with laws, do not speak the language, and do not have any support system.
OK, so you say that you have some friends who are Russian mail order brides with happy stories. What made them stand out, were they looking for rich older men who will just pay for their existences, or did they find husbands who created a normal (American) life, with 2 incomes, children, a normal family life, etc.
Their husbands were decent people who treated them like equal human beings.
What’s the best success story you’ve heard of in regards to their life in America?
My childhood friend married a real estate developer who worships her, had 3 adorable kids. I know a few more who married millionaires and heirs but those didn’t turn out that well. If both people genuinely desire family it tends to work out. If one of them looks or sex slave house maid and another one for money, then there will be problems.
You have a lot of friends who have left their husbands after a short period of time? I feel that when you marry a man who twenty or thirty years your senior is difficult to sympathize with them.
I don’t know. I always preferred older men. Also, I am not looking for sympathy, so none is needed. I have a few friends who left their husbands after several years – but they usually endured emotional and physical abuse.
Can an average looking American with average income get a Russian bride? Or are most mail order brides after money?
Do Russian brides only choose white men or do they sometimes choose black, latino, or asians?
They prefer white men I think but I’ve seen mixed couples
Have you since remarried? And what’s your current occupation?
Thanks. Yes, I remarried. I am an attorney now.
Do you regret it?
I thought about it a lot and decided that I do not. When I married him I was a stupid little girl and after this experience I grew into a strong adult.
How do you think American men stack up against Russian men?
American men are not aggressive enough and Russian men are too aggressive. So if there is a beautiful woman walking down the street, Russian man would be all over her and would not take no for an answer. American man would probably just silently hope to run into her again.
What big differences have you noticed between Russian and American women, if any?
American women are more demanding. When I was in law school, I went on a trip with three of my female classmates. They were discussing their dating life once and I was stunned with their requirements – a guy must be tall with dark hair, well-dressed, Harvard-educated, and the list went on and on. Conversely, Russian women set the bar too low – a man who is an ogre in more ways than one can score an outstanding woman.
Why is Russia full of lonely women? I understand that alcoholism is rampant over there, but is it really that bad?
Alcoholism is very bad, life expectancy for men is terrible. women used to be economically disadvantaged – to get ahead in life you need a man. so women were treated like cattle – any blemish (old (over 20) age, former marriage, etc) and your value as a mate deteriorates.
Are the drivers in Russia really as bad as the YouTube videos show?
The US and Russia get in a war, let’s call it world war 3. Which country do you side with??
US. I know because I cheer for US Olympic team since 3 years ago. Was cheering for Russians before then.