A Few Answers To Questions You Always Wondered About

May 31, 2017 | 2 Comments » | Topics: Answers, Interesting

What’s it like to be a prison sex-slave?

Soon after coming to Allred prison in Texas, *** claimed me as his own. He told me I had two choices: I could submit, or I could die. Thus began my life as a prison sex slave.

What most people don’t understand is that rape in prison isn’t like it is on the outside. It’s not random or chaotic. It’s planned and methodical. It’s business. The gangs trade amongst themselves to determine who is going to be with whom. And other inmates didn’t dare touch me without clearing it first with my owner.

*** would rape me once, twice, sometimes three times a day. Then he would force me to clean his cell, make his bed, or cook food for him. Eventually he demanded that I have sex with his friends, who took to calling me “Coco.” When a different sex slave was badly beaten for refusing sex, he said the same thing would happen to me if I didn’t comply.

When I was finally transferred to a different cell block, I was told by *** that he and his gang had “bought” me. That’s when the prostitution escalated. They made me perform sex with dozens of other inmates — white gangs, Mexican gangs, black gangs. Sometimes it was anal. Sometimes oral. Sometimes both. They did it in cells, in the shower, on the stairs. The going rate was five or ten dollars in commissary a fuck. Eventually I was moved to another building. Waiting for me there was La Brigada. At the next building it was the Akin Soldiers. Then the Ivory Kings.

I pleaded with the guards, the warden, and the classification committee time and again for safekeeping. Each time I was met with deaf ears and laughter. They told me that because I was a homosexual, it didn’t matter. They told me to “fight or fuck.” The rape continued. The prostitution continued. And with it, my shame grew and grew. Eventually I couldn’t face the constant humiliation anymore. I was suicidal.

At last, I wrote the ACLU and told them I wanted to kill myself. They flew to the prison and contacted the prison director. And for the first time since my ordeal began eighteen months earlier, I was put in safekeeping.

I was released to a halfway house in December and now live in my own apartment as I try to move my life forward. I’m getting counseling and the medical attention I need. I spend my days working as a youth counselor and hope to start a nonprofit organization. But every day is a struggle. I’m always very aware of my surroundings. I watch my back. I hate crowded rooms. And the nightmares of being raped persist.

Tougher still is the struggle to move past the shame and guilt. Sometimes I blame myself. I think, If I had only listened to my grandmother and stayed out of trouble, I wouldn’t have gotten into this. Sometimes I start analyzing the situation, I start looking at the picture from all types of angles, and I start thinking, Why me? Why am I so weak? I just need to move forward.

Related Video: Turned Out: Sexual Assault Behind Bars

 

 

What’s it like to have a photographic memory?

I have a semi-photographic memory in that I can remember the content of most anything I’ve read and sometimes visually remember where the information is on the page or how far into the book/article it is.  I don’t generally remember the names of the author or possibly the article/book but can usually find it with the specific information I do remember.  I have almost no autobiographical/experiential memory ability and that usually feels like an unfair price to pay 🙂

What is it like?  It’s complicated.  

There are certainly positive ramifications: 

It’s not all good though, on a personal and emotional level its quite costly. 

I don’t know if this actually answers “what it is like” to have this type of memory because it seems more like I’m simply listing the effects it has on my life.  However, I don’t know what its like to NOT have this memory of mine and since this type of question requires a comparison between the two experiences… I think the question could only REALLY be answered by someone who has both had and not had this type of memory ability.

Juliette Creech

 

 

What do guys get out of being a cuckold?

A man with a cuckold fetish derives his pleasure from the mental anguish and humiliation that results from his wife’s infidelity. (I use the words “infidelity” and “cheating” within the context of a consensual arrangement). He is immensely aroused by the thought of his woman with another man, lusted by other men. He wants to see his partner satisfied, and by doing so he now has a ‘private pron collection’ by which he uses to masturbate and fantasize. This is more rewarding than actual sex with his partner.

By being the cuckold, he willingly assumes the position of the sexual submissive. He is submissive to his wife, and he is now lowered in rank in respect to the other man having sex with his wife. He and his partner often ‘complete’ this fantasy by having sex right after she cheats on him.

Being a cuckold is to experience a form of psychological masochism. It is a cerebral pursuit whereby the man feels a kaleidoscope of feelings such as jealousy, misery, gratitude, shame, sublimation, inadequacy, and lust. It is a mental version of sensation play in which the emotions themselves are the sources of pleasure, bringing out some of our most intense reptilian instincts. A highly intelligent individual wants to experience this ‘psychological high’ for two reasons: to feel alive, and to feel diminished from the loss of control. In the book Masochism and the Self, author Roy Baumeister explains:

“Cuckolding is a form of escapism. Cucks are relieving themselves of the stress and burden of their social role and escaping into a simpler, less expansive role.”

Small penis humiliation is a point of focus for the victim. The other man is often more well-endowed, more handsome, and referred to as a “Bull”. The physical superiority of the other man adds to the humiliation of the husband.

Lastly, cuckoldry gives some men the chance to vicariously explore their repressed bisexual urges. While it is arousing to watch their wife with someone else, for some it is just as exciting to watch a naked man have sex, period. The wife who understands her husband’s bisexual curiosities would sometimes command him to service the Bull during foreplay.

– Ava Zhang