The Daily Man-Up

September 13, 2017 | 1 Comment » | Topics: Man-Up

You’ve probably heard the phrase “Nice guys finish last” and perhaps you’ve experienced it as you watch pushy, inconsiderate guys get the job you want or get the romantic attention of someone you’ve been pining for. It doesn’t seem fair, does it? There’s nothing wrong with being nice, but when you’re so nice to everyone that you stop being nice to yourself, your efforts can backfire. Here are some ways to show people that you value yourself and that they should value you, too.

1. Know the signs of being a “Nice Guy”.

2. Stop agreeing with everyone and everything. 

That doesn’t mean that you should disagree or argue for its own sake, but you’re your own person with your own opinions and preferences. If you find yourself agreeing with everyone, you might be undercutting your individuality. Think for yourself and speak up. Not every disagreement is an argument, and a difference of opinion can sometimes lead to interesting discussion in which you learn a great deal about how a person thinks and how they feel about a lot of things.

3. Stop being a people pleaser

Don’t bend over backwards to accommodate everyone except yourself. If you identify with the “nice guy” dilemma, you’re probably a kind person who loves to help people, and that’s wonderful. But don’t be so humble that you become a slave to everyone else’s needs and expectations. It’s healthy to have your own needs and goals, and to fulfill them and help others at the same time, without putting someone else’s priorities way above yours. Avoid “parasitic” relationships where you give, give, give and never get. Strive to form mutually beneficial relationships.

4. Draw the line

Don’t allow people to disrespect or ignore you. Stand up for yourself. If a co-worker steals your idea and passes it off as his own, you’re not being nice by letting it slide. You’re being cowardly. If your date doesn’t show up, and doesn’t even bother to call beforehand or afterwards to explain, you’re not being nice by overlooking a lack of consideration. You’re being a doormat.

5. Pace yourself 

Be patient with yourself and with others. At work, this means not biting off more than you can chew. In dating, it means not getting too attached too quickly. Don’t give someone everything they want, all at once, and expect nothing in return. Every relationship is a two-way street.

6. Remember that you don’t need anyone to be happy

Once you feel you “need” something, as in you want it so badly that you’d do almost anything to get it, and it’s something that only someone else can give to you (i.e. someone else’s approval, regard, or affection) you essentially put your happiness completely in someone else’s control. In other words, you give that person all the power, making yourself appear weak and “needy”. Instead, base your self-worth on your own actions and efforts, rather than on how others perceive you. Rejection and criticism is difficult to deal with, but sometimes it’s undeserved. Don’t spend your whole life trying to avoid people thinking negatively of you. Do what you feel is right, no matter what anyone else thinks. All you need to be happy, ultimately, is self-respect.

7. Continue being nice 

The niceness isn’t what gets the stereotypical nice guy into trouble. You can be a gentleman without being a pushover. You can be sweet without being suffocating. You can be humble without being self-deprecating. It’s all about finding a good balance. Surround yourself with nice people who will consider you as much as you consider them, and do your best to teach others how they can be nice to you and in general.

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  • banely✓ᵀᴿᵁᴹᴾ

    Great post!
    Your comment “Continue spending time with your friends and pursuing your interests even when you’re dating. Don’t allow a romantic prospect to consume your life” is perfect. That was one of the most crucial things I learned when I got into the real world. Following that advice accomplishes several things at the same time. Thanks!