A Few Answers To Questions You Always Wondered About

November 22, 2017 | No Comments » | Topics: Answers

What are the implications of losing net neutrality?

Imagine if we had a separate privatized road network where you need to pay to drive on it (sort of like a tollway but more of a global subscription).

You might think it’s suspicious when I suggest it now, but let’s say it passes popular opinion because it’s newly built road that otherwise wouldn’t have been built (therefore not affecting the “normal” road network.

You might think this is a good plan. It can help ease the congestion of the normal roads since there are now alternatives available for those who can afford it.

But in time, you start noticing things:

There are many ways in which this system can be manipulated into urging people to pay for the subscription. Doesn’t matter whether it’s through making the unsubscribed version more shit (or improving it less than the paid version), preventing previously unknown companies from making the next breakthrough, or causing a divide between the subscribed and unsubscribed people (economically, employment, …).

And once we get to a point where practically everyone has the road subscription, then no one gets the benefit from having a subscription anymore (since the paid roads are just as congested because everyone can drive anywhere again) but we are all still paying for the subscription nonetheless.


This problem, and many like it, can be summed up like this:

 

Why are homophobic politicians are always caught having sex with another man?

As an openly gay man who grew up as the son of a pastor I read it more like…

You internalize that being gay is a moral failing. It makes you miserable inside. If anyone were to know your secret, you would be unloveable. And so life always has a certain panic and fear behind it. That people will find out and your life will be ruined. Or that your urges will get the best of you and you’ll never forgive yourself.

So you try so many ways to change it. But none of them work. So then, on top of the anxiety and panic, you feel depressed. It’s not just the worst. It’s inevitably the worst. Of course, in order to survive and carry on your miserable life, you tell yourself it “can’t be inevitable”. You’re pulling yourself up by the bootstraps. So what do you do with those feelings? You put them to good use. You channel them into believing lies about yourself and about homosexuality: it’s wrong, it’s a choice, and you’re not really gay.

There’s at least one glaring problem with this, though. Every time you think about healthy, adjusted, LGBT people, your lies are challenged. These are evil people in your eyes. Why? Because their mere existence makes you feel the worst feelings about your self and your life. They’re the ones who show up and murder your imaginary heterosexual life just by adopting a child or using a bathroom. How could anyone who pops your perfect bubble of denial be anything but evil?

So you hate them. All the emotions that come up? You’re an expert into channeling those into denial. You levy these feelings at them with as much intensity as you do at the gay thoughts in your own head. And you do it systematically. It really really matters that you win, too, because that gives you control. And that’s the one thing, the one thing you’ve been fighting for all these years against yourself—control. And secretly, you’ve never really had it.

Openly LGBT people therefore pose the greatest threat to your sense of self, identity, and worth as a person, while also representing the biggest opportunity to finally convince yourself that you can control the sad little gay man you are inside.

So I don’t think it has much to do with protecting others. I don’t think it’s nearly that altruistic. I think it has to do with survival. A sense of control over something you’ve deep down hated yourself over and never been able to control. Life is shit for these anti-gay closet cases. I would not at all be surprised if their suicide rates are sky high, tbh…

Edit: Also, yeah, keep dreaming that any of these guys will turn around and suddenly come out rainbow flags waving. Assuming I’m correct in my analysis here… There’s just no way they will be emotionally ready for that under short notice.

Getting caught with pants down is probably their worst nightmare. A public outing like this is probably the worst feeling of this guy’s life to date. He’s probably in the habit of doubling down on denial right now so… He’s gonna deny up and down till he’s blue in the face.

The only way to get to someone like that is when they’re alone and feeling safe. Even then, old habits die hard. Any gay person who gets close to them should be prepared for a lot of spontaneous mood swings, possible violence, etc. for quite some time. Same with any person they cone out to. They will come up for air momentarily and then disappear for hours, days, weeks, months, years, decades, before surfacing again. If one day they start surfacing frequently then well… Maybe then they’ll start considering coming out.

– Homomorphallism

 

 

What is it like to have Schizophrenia?

It’s hard to explain but for me personally, every day is a struggle. I wake up not knowing what I’m going to see or hear, and in my case- taste or feel.

I’ll start with the voices, they start out small- like a conversation people are having in another room. Their voices are warbled, like you’ve got a cup to your ear. Some words are more magnified and you can understand them, for example I’ve just heard a man with a deep voice say “Monday’s are blue but the weather is on Fridays”. A woman replied “Yes they do, but for the way it is no one is inside.” Normally it’s nonsensical words and sentences, they don’t make much sense most of the time but for me, the majority of the time they can be forceful and intimidating.

When they are like this, they are condescending and hurtful. They say horrible things to me and they say it over and over again.

“No one will ever love you.”

“Idiot.”

“Loser.”

“Fucking idiot, you’re so stupid. How can you be so stupid.”

“Just kill yourself already, it would be so easy, we can show you how to do it.”

“You already know how to do it, it would be so easy to get it over with.”

“No one will miss you.”

“No one will ever love you, just die.”

“You’re useless. You’re worthless.”

These are things I hear daily. Sometimes they’re just in my head, but mostly it sounds like someone is right next to me, whispering or shouting or talking those things into my ears.

They tell me to do things too. Not just to kill myself, but sometimes they tell me to drop something if i’m holding it, or pick something up. They tell me to walk forward more than I intended or tell me to just stop.

Following on from the voices, is the hallucinations. I had a hallucination once when I was in my bathroom after cleaning my teeth. I closed my mirror and like in a horror movie, saw a shadowy silhouette of a large person standing right behind me (I call them the Shadow People, they watch me all the time). The shadow person told me that I had 36 weeks to kill myself or they were going cut up my mother and send her to me bit by bit.

I have seen hands come out from the brim of my lamp, I have seen furry creatures dart around my room. I’ve seen bugs pour out from an open wound on my arm.

I see faces pressed against my windows, usually at night, so I always keep my curtains shut when it starts to get dark. I see people in the reflections of turned off TV’s or monitors. I recently saw a man with a torso (no lower body) standing there waving his arms, in the reflection of my turned off TV. I usually put blankets or towels over these things when they’re not in use. I once saw a knife being held by a disembodied arm, coming towards me in a mirror.

Taste and feel aren’t as bad as the voices or the hallucinations. Sometimes I’ll taste something that will remind me of a time or place. I’ve tasted dirt and remembered one time when I climbed a tree as a child and fell off it and landed face first in the dirt. I sometimes feel things like a hand caressing my skin, or something furry doing the same. Sometimes parts of my body feel like they have been plunged into ice cold water, sometimes it’s boiling hot water. I’ve also felt bugs crawling under or on my skin too.

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