The Man Who’s Had Sex With Over 1,000 Cars Finally Settles Down With A VW Beetle

December 18, 2017 | No Comments » | Topics: Story, WTF

edward smith volkswagen

There comes a time in every man’s life where he decides that having sex with 1000 cars does not give him the emotional fulfilment he so desires. This is what Edward Smith, 63, realized after giving up his lothario ways and committing to his one true love; Vanilla, a Volkswagen Beetle. Sure, he had his fun; by his own estimate he’s given over 1000 cars a good rogering over the past 48 years. But Vanilla’s seductive alabaster exterior and voluptuous curves blew away all of the competition.

As Smith described in an interview with Barcroft TV;

“When I hold Vanilla in my arms, there’s a powerful energy that comes from her in response to that…if anything was to happen to her I would be more than heartbroken.”

However, this gas guzzling Casanova plays fast and loose with the word commitment, admitting he still has the (literally) odd fling with a 1973 Opel GT named “Cinnamon,” and an 1993 Ford Ranger by the name of “Splash”.

Smith claims to have been a mechaphile since the age of thirteen when he first laid eyes (and penis, no doubt) on the famous Corvette Stingray. A mechaphile is someone who has a sexual attraction to machines and can include bikes, helicopters, planes and cars. Perhaps due to the controversial nature of this paraphilia, little is know about it and mechaphiles can be hard (LOL) to come across. However, Smith insists that he is part of a forum for mechaphiles which has at least 500 members.

Watching the video of Smith gently caressing and nuzzling Vanilla makes for extremely uncomfortable viewing (and let’s face it, watching a 63-year old man making love to anything is pretty uncomfortable viewing), but you can’t help but be struck by the fact that he seems quite a sweet old chap who has  genuine warm affection for his violated car. As his neighbour points out, his being a mechaphile is not hurting anyone.



How To Make Love To A Car:

1. The tailpipe isn’t the only option! If it interests you, get hold of a silicon sleeve or some other masturbation tool to make life easier on your tool. Note: a possible sleeve is a Hand Job Stroker by Calexotics, obtainable from CloneZone (wank toys dept). Typically a rubber, silicon or similar sheath can also be used elsewhere, especially for cut gentlemen.

2. For those who enjoy the body of a car, licking, kissing, caressing and the normal actions of foreplay work well.

3. Lying on bodywork, with practice can be enjoyable, hot or cold. Key point is to get a feel for what might dent permanently. Cut guys often get more out of humping when using some form of textured sheath.

4. Manual gearsticks can be fun for those inclined to allow the car to return the favour, just be sure of a smooth entry with a custom walnut, carbon fibre or titanium gearknob. Jaguars with walnut knobs work well for this.

5. Leather interiors on luxory vehicles work rather well for humping. Some vanilla folks enjoy this as an alternative to lady palm and her five fingers. Cleans easy too!

6. For hardcore car lovers (trucks too), oily diffs, engines and tyres are an additional turn on. One guy enjoys being squashed this way, another likes to taste the fluids. Most fluids would be hazardous if swallowed in any quantity however.

7. Finally jacking up to jackoff is safest accomplished with ramps rather than just jacks or axle stands. Especially if you and your 4 wheeled friend are “bouncers”. Big wheeled pickups are notorious for this.

8. Privacy is a must except for exhibitionists. Most countries don’t like public indecency whether you are fcuking a car, man or woman. Stick to a garage or workshop where possible.

9. Mixing fetishes can work with cars when used with imagination and care. Watersports is a common addition for many men as are other variations. Leather bondage can be fun too before, during or after serving the car.

10. Roleplay involving the car is another spice. Solo roleplay requires vivid imagination and the ability to suspend rational thought temporarily (some would say permanently). Two or more involved tends to be easier. Big or luxorious vehicles can be served, small sports cars dominated or switched around. Doesn’t always work for me, varies.

11. Roleplay may be a thing for some, but the real thing for me and many is the variety of textures and smells associated with a good looking car. On top of all the other attributes that is. It’s worth exploring new aspects of your 4 wheeled lover each time you have a session, as I did today exploring her tyres during other activities. Variety is the spice of life.

12. I haven’t mentioned fem/car action purely because being a man, I don’t have intimate knowledge of what would really work for a woman in this game. Obviously there is the option of gearknob riding, attachments to replace unsuitable gearknobs and I’ve seen a bumper rider (dildo attached to towbar). However, like tailpipes are not the only choice for men, I can’t believe that penetration by the vehicle is the only choice for women. I hope to see edits adding to this by imaginitive types. I have seen some cool pics of bound women on House of Gord’s website where they are attached to vehicles in various ways, however this wasn’t quite what I had in mind :-).