A Few First Hand Accounts Of Different Life Experiences

May 9, 2018 | No Comments » | Topics: Life Experiences

What it’s like to be a man who was born with female sex organs?

So – when I look at myself naked in the mirror, I see something beautiful. Really, just the pique of feminine beauty. I have very attractive features for a woman and I don’t take issue with my body aesthetically. It’s solid. I am one hot lady. I would totally do me.

But – when I put on my chest binder and wear guy clothes, I see myself. It doesn’t matter if I’m attractive as a guy, or if other people see me as a man (not to me, anyway – some trans guys are different), or any of that. I just want to look in the mirror and see who I am. I want to be able to recognize the person looking back at me. That just doesn’t happen when I’m in “girl mode”. Wearing a dress and make-up, I feel like I’m dressing in drag. Dressing like a man, I feel like myself.

I have to hide my breasts from myself so I don’t look down and have that cognitive dissonance between who I know I am and the body I have. Because, in my head, I don’t have breasts. I have pecs. I’m not ripped. Just a small skinny dude.

I even respond to my male name instinctually. That never happened with my female name. It always took me a while to realize that someone was talking to or about me.

Also, I’ve noticed that since I’ve come out, I’ve been more myself: more outgoing, happier, more likely to crack a joke, etc. Overall, I just have more of a tendency to say and do the things I’ve always wanted to say or do, but didn’t because I was trying so hard to hide my true self – afraid that people would see through the facade and see the man underneath. I just wanted to fit in. But now, where others might people see a freak, I feel myself. Whereas, the opposite was true before.

I don’t insist on people referring to me as a man. Because there is nothing wrong with being a woman. It’s just simply not who I am. It’s not how I’ve ever thought of myself. And I understand that the self and the body don’t match up (yet) so I don’t fault people for referring to me as a woman.

However, when my friends do refer to me with my male name and with male pronouns, it feels right to me. And I’ve always been “one of the guys”. So, it didn’t surprise them much either. They tend to agree that it makes more sense to refer to me in the masculine because of how my brain works, my mannerisms, my interests, etc.

When I came out to them, most of them just said “Finally! Great. What do you want me to call you?”

So, if my brain tells me “male” and my personality and temperament says “dude” to others, but I have a vagina, then you really only have to decide which you personally think is more important in defining me: who I am or who I looklike I am.

Honestly, I don’t care what you choose. I know who I am. And if you define people by their physicality, that’s your prerogative. But I would hope you see people as more than their bodies.

Anyway, I hope that at least somewhat helped to answer your question. I’m still very early on in my transition and trying to work a lot of this out myself.

– betkettle

 

 

What’s it like to be rich and then go broke?

One of the worst things that can happen and one of the best things that can happen.

Lost multi-millions in saved wealth, a beachfront house, and a business generating mid six figures every year after the GFC.

Like others have said it was the darkest days of my life, not only for the tangible loss, but the loss in all faith in people, government oversight, justice and the way society functions in general. My losses were due to fraudulent business people within publicly listed investment companies, and after it all washed out, billions were lost of mine and others money and only one person went to jail, which really mattered for nothing as none of us got our money back. Also in hindsight it became clear that the supposed oversight created to protect us investors was actually the secret portal for the investment managers to have carte blanche to do whatever they wanted with investors money, including personally paying themselves and leveraging to unrealistic levels to generate more fees.

The first reaction is failure and anger, then fear as you realize how hard it will be to ever get back to where you were, then fear to even survive kicks in as saving dwindle, no new prospects of work, and then debts start to add up and minor bills start falling late as you begin to try to balance the small money you have like a circus juggler. When the debt collectors start calling and showing up it brings out the worst of the worst in life and you realize that your life has absolutely no value, is really only worth the $800 for that phone bill, or the $600 car payment and the people chasing you for this money would not care if you were dead or alive as long as they get their small collection fee. You also realize how cruel the world of money is, and how the late fees and interest are 30%/40%/50% and it throws you into disaster zone so quick.

The positive thing is I developed an incredible empathy for those who struggle a feeling I would not really consider when everything was going well. Our society values the rights of a $100 creditor over the life of a citizen, and literally it feels that any person who for whatever reason cannot pay a bill, is the scum of the earth.

I learned that our society has a very, very unhealthy value and emphasis on money.

It has taken many years to try to get back on my feet and I still suffer from fear and anxiety, probably similar to a depression era survivor. I am not sure if I will ever catch up but I am trying and fighting everyday. This is something that is hard, as it is almost impossible to relax and enjoy as it seems every action and decision is life or death.

I have to work so much harder and smarter now which has helped me to acquire new skills and hone my existing skills. I realize now that despite being in a low position wealth wise, I am so much more skilled and knowledgeable than many of my peers who are getting paid salaries 1000% higher than I am making, and I hope and trust that one day this will come to serve me well, as long as I keep at it.

Probably the hardest impact of the financial loss is how it impacted loved ones, my spouse and children. To go from having it all to not, and not really understanding how it happened and not being in control of changing things was a huge burden on me, and many times led me to think life for them would be much better without me. However I also thought I can be the solution, and what a great lesson that would be to overcome adversity and to succeed against all odds. This is one of my current drivers.

The benefit (I think & hope) is that my young adult children will have a much better understanding of the value of things, and what is really important, and not get sucked into the materialistic world that is so easy to fall into when life is easy and money is around. Hard work is valuable and the results and benefits from that hard work is much more enjoyable and lasting than easy money or daddy’s money.

Another benefit is that my wife and I now work together in our business, so she has grown in ways she never would have and discovered skills and abilities that has made her feel much better about herself and equipped her to be more helpful and supportive to our children and others. We also respect each other and understand each other so much better, and also know we have weathered a storm that would destroy most marriages, and have a solid foundation to take with us for the rest of our lives.

The world is corrupt and I am pretty sure it always will be, and most people are only looking out for their own interest, but by being aware of this, and not expecting anything different gives a person more control over their life and allows them to make choices in line with what really matters the most to them.

I would not wish this loss on anyone as it is as dark as dark can be, but I also think that the lessons learned from it are ultimately worth more that the loss itself.

Would I like my money back….sure….but only with the life experiences I have gained along the way. I see friends with so much money, their pocket change could dramatically improve my situation, but they have nothing, and I know they never will, as they are so blind to so much about the reality and values of life.

 

 

What is life like in modern day Mongolia?