The Daily Man-Up: What Does Confidence Look Like To A Woman?

October 11, 2018 | No Comments » | Topics: Man-Up

(photo: @mehdizadeh)

Physically, confident guys are much more calm or deliberate in their movements. There’s not tonnes of figiting etc. They just seem to be able to settle into a position and become relaxed. This also goes for walking – which comes across as more deliberate and natural. They’re also not generally concerned about how much space they occupy. Not like, randomly sprawling, but just able to keep square shoulders and longer strides. Especially as a woman, you can tell how confident they are when they’re hitting on you, based on the space they’re comfortable taking up. More confident guys tend to start closer to you (for instance when they sit down next to you at a bar), and not be so electrically aware of touching. Unconfident guys tend to get a bit jumpy, and sometimes almost glaze over when space starts to be closed.

In terms of speech, there’s rarely much wavering, no squeaking. All relatively level or appropriate. They’re not afraid to be loud, and are less apologetic if they’re too loud (although I dislike that last bit). Some guys are more measured with their Words and are comfortable saying less, some talk tonnes. But you never really get the sense that they’ve withdrawn or are critiquing themselves. They’re present and aware of what they’re saying.

In terms of eye contact, its moderate. They’re not afraid to look away from the person they’re talking to at the appropriate moment, and there’s no sense of stress or anxiety if the other person looks away either. It’s either an awareness that connection can happen without tonnes of effort (that’s the ideal type of connection) or that they are still in play, important, whatever, even if a person is a bit more withdrawn. Its also an honest eye contact. No hesitation, straight into your eyes. There’s a clear sense they’re at ease with being scrutinised.

There’s always going to be a sense of unfazedness in normal circumstances. I know I fuck up my coffee order if I’m asked suddenly, but confident people don’t seem to choke on their Words nearly as often. They’re also fine when things go minorly wrong. Getting lost isn’t an issue, they feel they can handle that (provided you have no where to be). Facing a drunk guy is just a case of going with the flow. there’s often a sense that if something more serious happens, they’re scanning the group to see just what kind of leader is needed and who’s best suited. Some fall to ego here, but some are also capable of gracefully taking a back seat and adding advice when its needed.

Smiles tend to be more forth coming, but this could also be to do with confident people being more out going. If they don’t smile often, then there’s more of a calculating sense to them. They’re comfortable being outside a group and watching reactions or just listening.

Basically, it comes down to ease. How at ease they are in and within themselves tends to translate to the ease at which they can do things. There’s less fretting on their role and more attentiveness to the situation at hand.

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