by Nick Notas
Chances are that if you’ve used the internet within the last 10 years, you’ve watched porn.
Recently, there has been an online movement against overexposure to pornography. Gary Wilson lead this rebellion by creatingwww.yourbrainonporn.com along with a now infamous TED talk. His overall message is that masturbating to porn regularly can produce the following symptoms:
- Erectile disfunction (43% of adult males experience it)
- Difficulty reaching orgasm with a partner (delayed ejaculation)
- Experiencing greater sexual excitement with porn than with a partner
- Decreasing sensitivity of penis
- Coming when you are only partly erect, or getting totally erect only as you come
- Needing to fantasize to maintain erection or interest with sexual partner
- Earlier genres of porn are no longer “exciting”
- Declining sexual arousal with a sexual partner(s)
- Losing erection while attempting penetration
- Can’t maintain erection or ejaculate with oral sex
Some people argue that his findings are unscientific and unfounded. Whether you agree with the above is up to you, but I’m not here to argue those points. I’m here to discuss a different negative resulting from porn that I know is true for many guys.
Consistent masturbation to pornography stops men from meeting women.
I was skeptical, too and refused to believe it was possible. But over the last few months I’ve thought about my own porn habits in the past and started digging further into the guys I worked with.
Almost every guy I talked to had the same reason for their dating struggles — they weren’t meeting enough girls. They gave excuses like “I don’t have the time,” or “I just don’t feel like it.” So, I pried further to determine where this lack of motivation stemmed from.
By Stephen Passman
1. They’re Manipulative
This is the biggest one. Both women and men do it. I see it all the time — someone getting a man to buy dinner or drinks with no interest of getting to know the person, or a man expecting sex for doing so. Manipulative behavior is often not seen at first because of the initial superficial interactions and the “puppy love” effect. Manipulation is when someone acts or uses something or someone with a maleficent or aggressive intention in order to induce a desired action. Manipulation is emotional abuse (Fjeltstad, 2014).
Other big ones to watch out for:
a) Guilt tripping someone into doing something they don’t want to do.
b) Intimidation, using fear, or verbal abuse for creating submission for some action.
c) Positive/ Negative Reinforcement (E.g. Only saying I love you only after someone does something “good” or pleasing to the partner).
d) Anyone who “presses your buttons” or uses your insecurities to get you to do what they want you to do.
e) Giving gifts with strings attached or crossing your boundaries often.
Someone who is manipulative must be in control. So If you find these circumstances to be the case, realize that no one deserves to be subjected to this kind of behavior.
During the early stages of dating, a girl doesn’t want to feel that you’re way more invested than she is.
She wants you to be secure, not clingy. She wants you to see her as a person, not idealize her. And she wants to know you are choosing her – and not just because you’re desperate for a girlfriend.
Now I’ve written before about how neediness is a state of mind and not necessarily your actions. Anything you do can be needy or not needy.
But I would be naive to think that some behaviors didn’t still look “desperate”, even if they’re coming from a healthy place.
1. Writing longer messages than hers
Listen, I hate playing games. If I like someone, I’m going to talk to them and not overthink it. But I also understand that smothering a girl too soon can be a huge turnoff.
Just remember to keep your text conversations at the same length or less than hers. Otherwise it can be overwhelming as she thinks, “He’s seems way too serious already. It also makes her feel like she needs to reply more when texting is supposed to be light and fun.
by Nick Notas
People give more thought to choosing their next Amazon purchase than to choosing their next relationship.
When it comes to romance, everyone is in such a hurry. You jump into a relationship with the first person who shows you interest. You commit to being exclusive before you’ve even gotten a chance to really know each other.
I think that’s insane! You’re playing Russian roulette and hoping that this person is going to be a good match for you.
I know you’re eager to find love, but being in an unhappy relationship is much worse than being alone. Especially if you’re trying to find someone you plan to be with forever, you shouldn’t just settle for anyone. Choosing the wrong person will affect your entire life.
The right partner can help you grow to the best version of yourself. The wrong partner can bring out the worst in you.
The right partner can support you. The wrong partner can use you and leave you more isolated than when you were single.
The right partner can make every experience more beautiful and satisfying than you could imagine. The wrong partner can strip out any shred of happiness from any moment.
So if the difference between a right partner and a wrong one is so obvious, why do we still find ourselves stuck in unfulfilling relationships?
by George P.H.
The first time I fell in love, I was 13. I wanted her to like me back so much I was prepared to do anything. I did my best to be nice, kind and giving – but none of it worked.
So I spent 2 years watching my first crush date asshole after asshole. She’d fall for the cheaters, the jerks and the guys who disrespected her. Every time, I was the one she cried to when things went wrong for the Nth time.
I didn’t get it. Here I was, giving her so much and ready to give more; we’d be great together… But she kept choosing them over me. She wasn’t the only one; over the years, many of the girls I liked ended up with assholes.
So when I finally decided to get with women, the first thing I wanted to know was, “why do girls like assholes so much?” – and whether I had to become one to be loved.
Here are the answers to those questions.
1. Girls Like Assholes because They’re Strong
Assholes have tough, dominant personalities. They’re not afraid to assert themselves over other people – in fact, they rarely show fear at all. They take what they want from life and don’t care what anyone thinks of them.
This is incredibly attractive because girls want to be with men who make them feel safe and protected. They like strong guys who know what they want and aren’t afraid to take it. Assholes have all those qualities – and so women choose them.
by George P.H.
A few weeks ago, a reader said he’d love to find out more about being the man in a relationship. I think this is a great topic, because too many guys take on the woman’s role when dating.
Instead of being the strong half of a couple, they let their girlfriends make every big decision; pace the relationship; dictate all the rules.
When this happens, a man can’t fulfill his natural role as a man. And what woman feels happy with a weak boyfriend who lets her call all the shots? Such relationships usually end in break-ups, unhappiness or cheating
To be the man in your relationships – for yourself and your girlfriend – follow the tips in this post.
Having The Right Attitude
Being a man in your relationship means being strong. It’s a lot like dancing: no matter how great a woman is, it won’t work unless the man can lead.
Unfortunately, mass media’s constantly showing us images of women running relationships. Switch on your T.V., listen to the radio: it’s always guys struggling to keep a special girl or moaning once they’ve lost her.
By Nick Notas
No one likes being sold to.
When I worked in real estate, I cold called people to pitch them on refinancing their mortgage.
Nearly every person who picked up the phone was annoyed. Even when my offer was potentially useful, I struggled to get anyone to hear me out.
I had way more people tell me “Fuck off!” than “Oh yes, I’m so happy you called!”
It’s because people are turned off by “salesmen”. They envision guys with ill-fitting suits trying to convince them to buy something they don’t want.
So where dating is concerned, I tell my clients: “Be the buyer, not the seller.”
This means approaching women with the mindset that YOU are choosing a compatible person for YOU. You should not be acting like a desperate salesman trying to prove that you’re good enough.
Being the “seller” means you value the approval of others over your own opinion of yourself. You worry about their judgment and you work hard to impress them. You’re afraid of losing any opportunity (scarcity) rather than focusing on finding ones that youfind fulfilling (abundance).
This is an unconfident, needy mindset. As I’ve written before, neediness is the biggest turn-off for women.
But implementing the “buyer” mindset means raising your self-esteem. I know that’s not easy to do overnight.
What you need to do is change your behavior and develop new habits that breed a high-value mindset. So I created 4 exercises that will help you cultivate a confident mentality of choice and abundance.
These are helpful things to look for when trying to gauge attraction.
If you’re talking to a cashier and she tells you for any reason when she gets off work, she wants you to come back.
If a girl gives you her number, on some level she is interested. Meaning she gives it to you without you prompting her first, though often if she gives it to you after you ask her it still means she’s interested* If a girl repeatedly mentions how she wishes she had a nice guy to date, she is interested.
If a girl asks about your relationship status out of the blue, she is interested.
If a girl you don’t know approaches you and asks for the time, but then lingers in your vicinity, she wants you to come back up and approach her because she is interested.
If a girl who is not a best friend type suggests watching a movie when you two are hanging out alone, she wants something to happen. She is interested.
If a girl says she “needs to talk to you”, but then it ends up being something really stupid like “I don’t know what colour to dye my hair”, then she probably chickened out of telling you she likes you.
Physical touching while a girl is having a conversation with you usually means she is interested.
Any time a girl seems to giggle WAY more than she should during a conversation, it means she is interested.