By Nick Notas
Neediness is the most misunderstood concept in dating. Everyone seems to have an opinion on what they think being needy means:
“Don’t text a girl too soon. Wait a while before you respond. Be careful of showing your interest early on — especially if she’s REALLY hot.”
But what if I told you that those actions aren’t necessarily needy?
What if I told you that constantly worrying about whether or not you’re being needy is actually being needy?
Let’s clear up what neediness is and isn’t once and for all.
The real definition of neediness
To understand neediness in a romantic context, you must first understand self-confidence. Wikipedia defines it as:
Self-assuredness in one’s personal judgment, ability, and power.
Self-confidence means you trust in yourself and your own worth. You value your own opinion over what others think of you. You internally approve of who you are and what you do.
Therefore, someone who is not self-confident requires other sources to validate themselves. So…
Neediness means you don’t trust in yourself and your own worth. You value the opinions of others over your own. You seek external approval of who you are and what you do.
Simply put, being needy is caring more about how people perceive you rather than how you perceive yourself. Because of it, your behaviors and actions will revolve around pleasing others rather than satisfying yourself.
By this definition, it’s not about the actions you take but why you take them. The intention behind your actions is what makes you needy. Therefore, any action can be needy or self-confident depending on the mindset of where it comes from.
Although we like to think of women as gentle and kind beings, there are some that do nothing butbreed chaos, misunderstanding and insanity in relationships–especially when things don’t go their way. Whether these behaviors originate from a chemical imbalance or from the environment in which they were raised, one thing is for sure–dating a nut job can negatively affect all areas of your life; therefore, your goal should be to spot these gals before things get out of control. Here are 8 signs that the woman you’re dating is a psycho.
1. She’s extremely jealous
This type of psycho will go to any length to force unreasonable faithfulness on you because of her fear of losing you. Regardless of your constant assurances that you only care about her, she feels threatened when you discuss your previous relationships, gets angry and even has rages when you talk with female relatives, hates the idea of meeting your female friends and refers to all of them as skanks.
2. She’s controlling your life
Do you have a hard time remembering the last time you had an opinion? Do you recall your last decision? Do you constantly find yourself on the defensive, having to explain all your actions and words? If so, it’s because you’re being completely controlled. This type of psycho is often good at manipulating and intimidating men, making a guy feel he is the one responsible for making her angry or upset.
Controlling women like this believe they know what’s best for their men and will begin selecting the clothes you wear, choosing what movies you’ll watch and deciding what you should or shouldn’t eat. They will tell you when you can go out, when you can invite the guys over to watch the game and will even call you 10-15 times per day to keep track on what you’re doing, who you’re with and where you’re going next with each call. They must be right at all times and will use a great deal of coercion and intimidation to force you into agreeing with them, i.e. shaming you for your thoughts, actions, every time you voice an opinion and will never try to understand your views.
Can anyone deny that leadership is one of the most attractive qualities? Strong individuals have the power to charm and influence millions.
Wael Ghoniman started an Egyptian revolution, Steve Jobs created a cult of technology (which I’m happily part of), and even Stanley Milgram convinced people to electrocute test subjects to death.
It’s human nature to respect and respond to authority.
Thankfully, in dating we don’t have to go to those extremes. We just need to understand what makes a great leader and apply that to turn a girl we like into a girl we’re intimate with.
Know what you want and be unashamed about getting it
Every successful leader knows their position and will fight for it at all costs. They express their intentions proudly.
If you’re spending time with a woman you like, what are your intentions? Do you want to just be her platonic friend?
No, you want MORE. You want to be a romantic partner. You want intimacy. You want incredible sex and you want to give her incredible sex.
In high school I was your typical nice guy, got along with everyone, had a bunch of friends but I was so shy when it came to women. I could have a conversation with a girl who I thought was pretty but in the end that conversation wound up me being very neutral / agreeable and even if I didn’t agree with them I never expressed my opinion for the fear of them being put off or offended. When a girl i liked said something like “Oh I forgot to get a fork when I got lunch”, I would be the first person to be like “Oh ill go grab you one” or if she forgot her home work “Oh you can copy off mine”. Basically I did things to help her and even though it wasn’t a conscious decision, I was pretty much at her becking call. I thought these were actions that would make her like me. Unfortunately 98% of the time I never got the girl, she would always wind up dating a guy who wasn’t 1/2 as nice as I was to her.
It took a lot of lost girls to figure out what I was doing wrong in this aspect. I finally realized what was going on. It wasn’t that most girls aren’t interested in nice guys. It was girls aren’t interested in a guy who is a pushover / weenie. My actions of always being there for whatever she needed, always complementing her and offering to do whatever I thought would make her happy are things that friends do. When you do these typed of things over and over again you’re taking the challenge of her winning your affection away. You are giving her what she should have to earn. What’s the point of competing in a competition when you already know you’re going to win? Women want to be desired but it’s not worth anything to them if you just give it to them.
by Nick Notas
We live in a generation of angry young men. Men who harbor massive resentment towards women and blame them for their romantic shortcomings. But is that even fair?
You claim that women use and lead you on. That your time is disrespected. You always get friend zoned for no reason. You go online and make grand statements such as, “Women only date assholes”. Then you tell yourself, “This is why I don’t even try in the first place.”
I get it. You’re frustrated by a lack of success, and it hurts.
But maybe you should be pointing the finger at yourself. You let it happen. If you continually allow yourself to be disrespected, then you are to blame. It’s your job to prevent that from occurring or stop it when it does.
Let’s get proactive and break down why you feel used by women:
by George P.H.
The first time I fell in love, I was 13. I wanted her to like me back so much I was prepared to do anything. I did my best to be nice, kind and giving – but none of it worked.
So I spent 2 years watching my first crush date asshole after asshole. She’d fall for the cheaters, the jerks and the guys who disrespected her. Every time, I was the one she cried to when things went wrong for the Nth time.
I didn’t get it. Here I was, giving her so much and ready to give more; we’d be great together… But she kept choosing them over me. She wasn’t the only one; over the years, many of the girls I liked ended up with assholes.
So when I finally decided to get with women, the first thing I wanted to know was, “why do girls like assholes so much?” – and whether I had to become one to be loved.
Here are the answers to those questions.
1. Girls Like Assholes because They’re Strong
Assholes have tough, dominant personalities. They’re not afraid to assert themselves over other people – in fact, they rarely show fear at all. They take what they want from life and don’t care what anyone thinks of them.
This is incredibly attractive because girls want to be with men who make them feel safe and protected. They like strong guys who know what they want and aren’t afraid to take it. Assholes have all those qualities – and so women choose them.
by Nick Notas
“No way, she’s out of my league!”
I wish I never had to hear this again.
I loathe the concept of a “league”. It’s destructive to your self-esteem and dating success. Yet the mainstream media, your family, and even you yourself perpetuate this idea.
Since everyone loves to use this as an excuse, I figured I should teach men the secret to dating women out of their “league”.
These so-called “leagues” are skin deep
When you claim a woman is out of your league, I bet you’re basing it on physical attractiveness. You disqualify yourself based on appearances alone.
You’re telling yourself looks are the only thing that matters – and that’s a terribly narrow view on people and relationships.
What if she shared no common interests with you? What if she was a horrible person? What if she didn’t care about anyone? What if she was always dishonest? What if she was selfish, immature, and insecure?
by Nick Notas
Few moments have single men more excited then getting a girl’s number. There’s an immense joy in knowing you now have an open line of communication.
Then reality sinks in. A number may be a green light, but you still have to get her on a date. And as many men come to realize, that’s easier said than done.
Lucky for you, I’ve been taking notes from every texting e-mail I receive to decipher the common pitfalls that prevent men from meeting up with women. They are:
Unnecessary apologies. Stop saying sorry for taking time to text back — you did nothing wrong. You barely know each other and you aren’t obligated to explain yourself. It comes off awkward and like you need to make sure she likes you. Just roll back into conversation.
If you’re really taking that long to respond, are you…
Artificially waiting to respond. Replying in a normal timeframe only comes off desperate when you’re flooding her with consecutive unanswered messages. But, not responding for half a day because you think it’ll make you look cool is desperate.
Women want men who are unashamed of what they want. By delaying, you’re only going to frustrate her or make her feel like you’re uninterested — putting her on the defensive. Women will often pull away to protect themselves and act distant as well.
If you don’t want a girl to play games with you, you shouldn’t be playing games with her.
Sharing too many useless details. She probably doesn’t care about a play-by-play of your day. Unless you can make a joke from it or use it to ask her a question about herself — save it for the date. Pare down your texts to the core message and remove all filler. Brevity is key.
Say she asks you what your plans are for the night. Many guys respond with something like…
“I’m gonna take a nap. Then around 5 I’m going to meet up with my friend John who’s back from the military. I haven’t seen him in over a year. We’ll probably hang out for a little and then we’re going to watch a metal show at the DCU center in Worcester — it’s going to be awesome.”
Is the nap pertinent? Do you really need the timestamps? Is John being in the military relevant right now? Do you need to explain that you’re hanging out? Does the location of the show make a difference? Or the fact that it’s going to be awesome — that’s hopefully implied by you investing your time there.
“I’m meeting an old friend and heading to a metal show. What’s your favorite type of live music?”