I am a child of divorce, professional who dealt with divorcing couples for many years, Adult who went through a divorce, remarried and volunteer counseling/mentoring for couples today.
Here are the most common mistakes I’ve seen (my own as well as collectively) in the failed and struggling marriages I’ve seen:
1. One or both spouses have unresolved childhood baggage issues that will rear its head in their adult relationships. Examples of these include (but not limited to) physical or emotional abuse/neglect in the home; sexual abuse; one or both parents had substance abuse/addiction issues; one or both partners came from a divorced or single parent household. Among the many reasons why this is such a significant factor is if you grow up in a dysfunctional environment, you have no idea how dysfunctional and unhealthy it really is. To you, its normal, it is all you’ve ever known. So if Mom and Dad resolved conflict by getting drunk, yelling at each other and then not speaking for days, guess what you have a chance of modeling as an adult in your own relationships?
2. Understanding what “marriage as a priority” really means. When you get married, your marriage has to be the main priority in your life. Not your career, not your spouse (i.e. don’t put them on a pedestal), not your kids, not your hobbies or your personal fitness. The fact is, when you get married, you no longer get to call all of the shots. Gotten used to staying up all night playing XBOX with your boys on weekends? Not going to work in a marriage for an extended period of time. You’re going to have to accept the fact that if you want to have a healthy marriage, compromise is your new word of the day. In some cases you may have to give things up entirely, or learn to say “no for now.” While this often tends to be more of a struggle for men, women can also struggle with this issue. I’m not saying that getting married means giving up you completely, or kiss all of your favorite activities goodbye. What I am saying is, if you want your marriage to be healthy, you now have someone else in your life who gets an equal (not dominant–equal) say in how you spend your free time.
by George P.H.
The first time I fell in love, I was 13. I wanted her to like me back so much I was prepared to do anything. I did my best to be nice, kind and giving – but none of it worked.
So I spent 2 years watching my first crush date asshole after asshole. She’d fall for the cheaters, the jerks and the guys who disrespected her. Every time, I was the one she cried to when things went wrong for the Nth time.
I didn’t get it. Here I was, giving her so much and ready to give more; we’d be great together… But she kept choosing them over me. She wasn’t the only one; over the years, many of the girls I liked ended up with assholes.
So when I finally decided to get with women, the first thing I wanted to know was, “why do girls like assholes so much?” – and whether I had to become one to be loved.
Here are the answers to those questions.
1. Girls Like Assholes because They’re Strong
Assholes have tough, dominant personalities. They’re not afraid to assert themselves over other people – in fact, they rarely show fear at all. They take what they want from life and don’t care what anyone thinks of them.
This is incredibly attractive because girls want to be with men who make them feel safe and protected. They like strong guys who know what they want and aren’t afraid to take it. Assholes have all those qualities – and so women choose them.
1.When you’re going down the pub with your mates and you expect to be back around 11 tell her you’ll be back at around 12. So when you roll in the door at 11 you can claim you left early to see her before you both went to bed.
2. Once you’re in a long-term relationship/marriage, never stop dating your SO. There needs to be some sort of constant courtship to make them feel you still want them, even after all these months/years. I am an expert at not doing this.
3. “You’re not required to set yourself on fire to keep other people warm.”
4.“Marry someone with a different favorite cereal than you so they won’t eat all of yours.” You’d be amazed how much more peaceful life is this way.
5. Best response to: “my SO has changed, and it’s just not working any more”.
“If people can change, then that change is ongoing. Marriage is a beautiful thing that allows two people the time and space to safely fall in and out of love many, many times. Your wife could again become sexual just as easily as a new woman could become cold. I would plead with you to tend your own garden and be patient in its fruits. Paths that have intersected in the past are all the more likely to cross again soon.”
6. Don’t look for a girl you want to treat like a princess, look for a girl you want to treat like a partner. Its very true. I don’t mind carrying my SO, but I need to know she can carry me if I feel down
1. Well, it’s kind of a funny story.. my first real “girlfriend” placed rules and regulations like it was an iTunes license agreement.. My friends and I have dubbed these, “The Chronicles of Kendra” (name NOT changed for safety because F her..)
Under no circumstances am I to surprise her at home, work, or anywhere, regardless of the reason. No surprise dinners, no “boo!” scares for fun, nothing.
When out in public, no public displays of affection. No hand holding, no kissing, no arm around her, hugging. We had to walk beside each other like we were brother and sister.
We worked in the mall, at different stores, and during times when our shifts matched up, we had 15 minutes or prearranged time together. No less, no more, and it was to be at whatever time she visited. Under no circumstances was I to visit her at work earlier, later, or otherwise not prearranged.
During sexytimes, it was missionary, her on bottom, me on top. No thrusting, just “put it in and lay there”. No fingers anywhere on her body, no foreplay on her at all. She didn’t shave, or trim, or anything, so it was like a forest down there (dodged a bullet there..)
Also during sexytimes, and this “rule” is the one that surprises people the most because of how ridiculous it is, when SHE thought it was time for me to cum, SHE would roll over on her side and say “go finish up in the bathroom”. She was outright disgusted by cum, and under no circumstances was my cum to get on her, around her or be in the same room as her unless it was inside my nuts.
2. Ex girlfriend tried to hit me with her car. Chased me down an alley that was enclosed in a high fence on one side condos on the other.
Proceeded to call me next day at work and tell me that I looked like a sexy cheetah running away from her car.
by Nick Notas
Storytelling has been a cherished art form for thousands of years. When done right, it can win an entire group over and have a girl hanging onto your every word. Here are some of the positive effects:
- Make her smile or laugh so she feels comfortable around you.
- Create attraction by showing her interesting qualities or values about yourself.
- Connect with her on a personal level and cut through small talk.
- Encourage her to open up to you.
A story is about the atmosphere you create. Really, you can talk about anything — your favorite professor, trying a new food, or a strange encounter with a taxi driver. It doesn’t have to be over the top or dishonest to make an impression.
Lead with a hook
You may have a cool story, but you need to segue into it gracefully. You should connect where you are, what you’re doing, or what she just said to the scene you’re about to set.
Simply ask a thought-provoking question, relate back to her, state an interesting fact, or recount something that just happened.
These are helpful things to look for when trying to gauge attraction.
1. If you’re talking to a cashier and she tells you for any reason when she gets off work, she wants you to come back.
2. If a girl gives you her number, on some level she is interested. Meaning she gives it to you without you prompting her first, though often if she gives it to you after you ask her it still means she’s interested* If a girl repeatedly mentions how she wishes she had a nice guy to date, she is interested.
3. If a girl asks about your relationship status out of the blue, she is interested.
4. If a girl you don’t know approaches you and asks for the time, but then lingers in your vicinity, she wants you to come back up and approach her because she is interested.
5. If a girl who is not a best friend type suggests watching a movie when you two are hanging out alone, she wants something to happen. She is interested.
You’ve probably heard the phrase “Nice guys finish last” and perhaps you’ve experienced it as you watch pushy, inconsiderate guys get the job you want or get the romantic attention of someone you’ve been pining for. It doesn’t seem fair, does it? There’s nothing wrong with being nice, but when you’re so nice to everyone that you stop being nice to yourself, your efforts can backfire. Here are some ways to show people that you value yourself and that they should value you, too.
1. Know the signs of being a “Nice Guy”.
- They believe that if they are good, giving, and caring, that they will get happiness, love and fulfillment in return.
- They offer to do things for a girl they hardly know that they wouldn’t normally do for just anybody else they know.
- They avoid conflict by withholding their opinions or even become agreeable with her when they don’t actually agree.
- They try to fix and take care of her problems, they are drawn to trying to help.
- They seek approval from others.
- They try to hide their perceived flaws and mistakes.
- They are always looking for the “right” way to do things.
- They tend to analyze rather than feel.
- They have difficulty making their needs a priority.
- They are often emotionally dependent on their partner.
There comes a time in a man’s life when he should grow up and get serious about a relationship. Maybe that’s true for some, but surely that doesn’t mean you have to submit to the ways of a dominant and controlling woman, does it? You don’t have to cower in the corner with your emasculated tail between your legs. Hell no!
If you’ve ever wondered whether or not you’re one of the many unfortunate suckers out there who’ve joined the ranks of the whipped (and are probably being mocked and ridiculed for it to boot), take a look at this list of top 10 signs you’re whipped; if you recognize any of them, for God’s sake, man up and do something about it.
1. Going for a beer requires permission
It’s not just going for a beer that requires her permission, so does every other trivial excursion. In the mind of your power-hungry girlfriend, going for a beer with your friends spells out trouble and, therefore, it’s heavily frowned upon. All of a sudden, you can’t even pop into a pub for a quick one at the end of the day without facing a barrage of harassment when you return home. Subsequently, you’ve stopped doing it to avoid the hassle that, for the record, makes you a spineless pansy. This is a big one boys, but our signs you’re whipped doesn’t end here.
2. She makes your decisions for you
You question how you ever let it get to the point where she makes your decisions for you, but it’s true. In your protective prison/womb of a relationship you no longer really make anything more than minor life decisions for yourself. Somehow, she’s managed to grant herself a seat on the UN Security Council that is your life and she’s not afraid to wield her power of veto. As mandated by No. 9 of our signs you’re whipped, you have little or no say in the affairs that directly concern you, such as holiday destinations, major purchases or even plans for the weekend.