By George P.H.
When you’re a boy, it’s alright to do kid things. That’s what our childhood and teenage years are for.
But with each passing year, the line between “boy” and “man” is becoming blurred. We’re taking longer to move out, find steady jobs and get married. We delay the responsibilities of manhood to enjoy ourselves for longer.
This is fantastic. It’s great that we’re making the most of our lives, exploring all available options and challenging the status quo. But all these things only have value if you do them as a man – not as a boy.
Below are 5 ways to know you’re not a real man (yet). If any of them apply to you, make some changes to your life and start living with strength, dignity and manliness. It’s the best decision you’ll ever make.
1. You Blame
I was late to work because my stupid car wouldn’t start.
We went snowboarding last winter but the snowstorm ruined everything.
I hate my job; my boss always makes me run little errands for him, ugh.
I hear people say things like these every day, and I feel deeply confused each time. When did it become so acceptable to blame other people, random events and even inanimate objects for everything that’s wrong?
Everything you do in life is a personal choice. Even when forces beyond your control are at work, the way you react to them is 100% on you.
Late to work? Apologize and fix your car (or get a bus pass).
Snowstorm during your vacation? Find ways to have a good time, shit happens.
Don’t like getting coffee for your boss? Get a new job.
That’s it. If you don’t like something, either remove it from your life or find a way to accept it.
It’s fine to blame others when you’re a child. You don’t know much about life and, when things go wrong, it often is somebody else’s fault.
As a grown-ass man, you don’t have that kind of luxury. Everything you do is your personal choice and responsibility. Blame might make you feel better for a short while but is ultimately useless.
by Nick Notas
When you’re looking to build a healthy relationship, how do you make sure someone is right for you?
For a long time, I had no idea.
So I asked other people what they looked for in a partner, and I got answers like…
“A sense of humor, attractiveness, intelligence, creativity, sexual compatibility, passion, an active lifestyle, a stable career.”
I knew those qualities were important. I had some of them myself, and even looked for them in women. But something was missing. The women I really liked and dated, always broke it off first.
After a breakup, I asked a former boss who had been happily married for over 20 years for advice. He just said…
Physically, confident guys are much more calm or deliberate in their movements. There’s not tonnes of figiting etc. They just seem to be able to settle into a position and become relaxed. This also goes for walking – which comes across as more deliberate and natural. They’re also not generally concerned about how much space they occupy. Not like, randomly sprawling, but just able to keep square shoulders and longer strides. Especially as a woman, you can tell how confident they are when they’re hitting on you, based on the space they’re comfortable taking up. More confident guys tend to start closer to you (for instance when they sit down next to you at a bar), and not be so electrically aware of touching. Unconfident guys tend to get a bit jumpy, and sometimes almost glaze over when space starts to be closed.
In terms of speech, there’s rarely much wavering, no squeaking. All relatively level or appropriate. They’re not afraid to be loud, and are less apologetic if they’re too loud (although I dislike that last bit). Some guys are more measured with their Words and are comfortable saying less, some talk tonnes. But you never really get the sense that they’ve withdrawn or are critiquing themselves. They’re present and aware of what they’re saying.
By Nick Notas
Last Thursday I was with a friend at one of my favorite clubs in Chicago. He had another friend visiting: a 6’5” British guy with a deep voice and charming accent.
As you can guess, he was a big hit with the women around us. And I couldn’t have been happier for him.
If this was a few years ago, however, I might have been too busy in my head feeling insecure about my “short” comings. As a 5’8” slim-cut guy, height had always been a sore spot.
I know a lot of guys feel the same way, too. I’ve gotten hundreds of e-mails from men telling me how they’re depressed, unconfident, and held back by what they believe are physical limitations.
For some it’s their height. Others it may be a big nose, a weak chin, a crooked smile, an inability to grow facial hair, or even their race.
The truth is that you can’t change your height. But I can share how I overcame my limiting beliefs to become comfortable in my own skin. And I’m sure it’ll work for you.
Why? Because however bad you feel about the physical traits you were born with, I almost guarantee I’ve felt worse.
I’m the reason I’m short.
by Dr Robert Glover
A common issue for Nice Guys is feeling needy around women. They often approach them in a“please like me” kind of way — pbootyive and ineffective.
Once in a relationship, Nice Guys tend to hook up a hose to their woman and expect her to constantly validate them and be their core source of social and emotional connection.
This may feel familiar to you, but it’s not an effective dating strategy.
The main reason that seeking approval from a woman doesn’t accomplish what you want is that your “needy traits are “feminine” in nature.
The “feminine” seeks external validation. The feminine craves approval.
The “masculine” is self-validating by through action. That is why women are generally turned on by men who “do,” not men who seek their approval.
If you approach women from a needy place, seeking their validation, any woman you attract to you will probably be fairly “masculine” in nature. That means she will most likely be pretty controlling and dominant, and maybe even mean and aggressive. She might completely lack the “nurturing” (feminine) qualities you say you crave. She could even resent you for having to take care of you, which usually turns off the sex switch as well.
I’d say my closest friend is Adam. Adam looks kinda like Ben Affleck, but growing up, he looked like Cartman. Long story short, he got tall, lost a bunch of weight, and now he has very high standards for women and also had a mom that would do everything for him and so he expects to find a girlfriend that’s mega-hot and also will do his laundry and cook for him and be his slave. In other words, he’s almost always single.
Adam’s method of attracting women goes like this: Get off work, play Call of Duty and drink every time you die until about 9 (let’s call it 10-20 beers). Then go downtown, drink more, and then he reaches his hitting-on-girls-zen-mode and will go through a bar and talk to every girl he sees, but only for about 30-40 minutes before he gets too drunk and has to head home.
But during that hour, he is amazing. He’ll just take a girl by the hand and start dancing with her. Some girl he hasn’t spoken to, hasn’t even looked at him yet, and not even on the dance floor, middle of the bar. Another trick of his is to high-five every girl he sees. Sometimes that means walking around the bar high-fiving, sometimes when he’s too drunk that means standing near a busy area and keeping his hand up. People will instinctively want to high five you back. Instant-ice-breaker. Since he’s quite tall, sometimes when a girl tries to high-five, he raises his hand too high for them to get to to tease them. Sometimes he holds their hand when they high five him and starts dancing. Sounds creepy, but fuking works a lot.
He doesn’t need a wingman right? Wrong. Before he gets to that zen-mode, even 12 beers in, he’ll be way too nervous to talk to girls. We’ll go up to groups of girls together and start a conversation. It’s way easier to approach people you don’t know in a group than it is to do it all by yourself.
I’ve been attracted largely to introverted men for most of the time I’ve been dating, and introverted men are some of the most opinionated, well-spoken and thoughtful people I’ve met. Their introversion did not prevent them from being confident. While they may not be the centre of attention or know how to navigate large groups of people socially, they’re not pushovers or recluses. They can carry a conversation, almost with too much intensity at times, express themselves articulately and can stand their ground.
On the subject at hand, confidence is all about knowing yourself, loving the fuk out of that person, and knowing that you have a lot to offer. All this self-love makes you sure of yourself, sure of your convictions, sure of what you want. Nothing is more sexy than a man who knows his worth and doesn’t need anyone’s approval or validation, let alone a woman’s. It allows him to pursue what he wants in life without fear, whether that be pbootyions, hobbies, or women. Rejection doesn’t faze the confident man because he doesn’t have to prove shiet to you. And that’s so attractive because he’s coming from a place that isn’t validation-seeking. Any woman he interacts with romantically will feel like a partner, an equal. Not someone on a pedestal.
by Nick Notas
Most men suck at sex. There, I said it.
But to be honest, it’s not all our fault. The resources that exist to teach men are generally awful. We have:
- Porrn, most of which is unrealistic. Freakishly mbootyive dongs that thrust full force for 15 minutes, fingerblasting, and girls faking orgasms left and right. Even the majority of amateur stuff is a poor educator.
- Friends who often give bad advice because they don’t know better themselves.
- Advice that focuses only on “techniques”. While some are useful, many are overkill or wrong. You don’t need 43 ways to lick a clitoris.
They’re all missing the real core of what defines an amazing lover…
How you make a woman feel.
The emotional climax you bring her to. How you turn her on to the point where she can’t even hold back her orgasm. Where she’s so sexually charged that you unleash her primal state.
The good thing is, any man can learn how to become an amazing lover — regardless of penis size.
Note: This is a graphic post. The links and content below are NSFW.