by Nick Notas
We all know about the running joke that romantic relationships are a source of misery.
We grew up on shows like Married With Children where Al Bundy hated having to hang out with his wife Peg. We hear friends challenge each other with, “You’re so whipped!” And serious couples give us ominous warnings such as, “Don’t get married.” or “It’s all good now, but wait until the honeymoon is over.”
These may make us laugh but they also reinforce that our partners are a burden on our lives.
It’s true that maintaining a happy, healthy relationship takes work. But that doesn’t mean it has to suck.
The secret lies in finding a relationship that makes life easier and more fulfilling for you.With a compatible partner and mutual support, your relationship should decrease outside stresses, increase productivity, and improve the quality of your lives.
By Nick Notas
No one likes being sold to.
When I worked in real estate, I cold called people to pitch them on refinancing their mortgage.
Nearly every person who picked up the phone was annoyed. Even when my offer was potentially useful, I struggled to get anyone to hear me out.
I had way more people tell me “Fuck off!” than “Oh yes, I’m so happy you called!”
It’s because people are turned off by “salesmen”. They envision guys with ill-fitting suits trying to convince them to buy something they don’t want.
So where dating is concerned, I tell my clients: “Be the buyer, not the seller.”
This means approaching women with the mindset that YOU are choosing a compatible person for YOU. You should not be acting like a desperate salesman trying to prove that you’re good enough.
Being the “seller” means you value the approval of others over your own opinion of yourself. You worry about their judgment and you work hard to impress them. You’re afraid of losing any opportunity (scarcity) rather than focusing on finding ones that youfind fulfilling (abundance).
This is an unconfident, needy mindset. As I’ve written before, neediness is the biggest turn-off for women.
But implementing the “buyer” mindset means raising your self-esteem. I know that’s not easy to do overnight.
What you need to do is change your behavior and develop new habits that breed a high-value mindset. So I created 4 exercises that will help you cultivate a confident mentality of choice and abundance.
By Nick Neeson
I get lots of introverted men e-mailing me to ask me how to become more successful with women.
Many of those questions have a common theme.
“I’ve tried out so much dating advice and it just doesn’t cut it for me. It’s draining, and I feel like I’m betraying myself. Is it possible there’s something wrong with me?”
They might not all write it in exactly those words, but that’s the general theme of the emails we receive.
Many introverted men think there’s something inherently wrong with them.
I have news for you.
THERE’S NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU!
I’d like to share some secrets that I feel are VITAL to understand if you’re an introvert and are wondering how to improve your love life.
The first and MOST IMPORTANT thing you ought to know is…
While there may be many reasons why a woman might have low interest in interacting with you (the majority of which have nothing to do with you), there might be some things you are doing at the meta level that might trigger a low interest response in a woman (none of which includes you being a “loser”).
There are two common issues that Nice Guys and inexperienced daters project which women experience at a meta level. Both of these dynamics typically lead to low interest responses in women. These two issues are incongruence and anxiety.
Incongruence is a big issue for most men, but it is especially true for Nice Guys and inexperienced daters. Here are a few examples of incongruence.
When you approach a woman or hang out with a woman you like, but repress your true interest in her, you are being incongruent.
Whenever you seek someone else’s approval, you are being incongruent.
Whenever you hide your feelings, thoughts, agenda, or actions, you are being incongruent.
When you try to be a woman’s “friend” but you really want to fuck her, you are being incongruent.
When you try looking interested in what a woman is saying but are actually bored to tears, you are being incongruent.
Whenever you play it safe to avoid upsetting a woman, you are being incongruent.
Of course, when you lie, withhold information, or create any kind of false illusion, you are being incongruent.
by Nick Notas
- The longer you wait to make the first kiss, the less likely it’ll happen. If you haven’t kissed by the third date, your chances drop significantly.
- You can be intimate on the first date and still create a healthy relationship.
- The friend zone happens when there’s a lack of sexual attraction. To avoid it: show your intentions from the start, be more aggressive, flirt, and initiate physical contact.
- All the lines or routines in the world won’t help if you aren’t confident from the inside.
- Dating is a numbers game. The guys who are best with women are the ones willing to put themselves on the line as often as possible.
- Body language and non-verbal communicationwill make or break your first impression. Stand tall, relax your shoulders, walk with self-assurance, give strong eye contact, and smile.
- Your vocal tone and quality conveys a lot about you, so develop a strong speaking voice. Learn diaphragmatic breathing, speak from your chest (diaphragm), project your voice, talk slower, and enunciate clearly.
- Forget trying to come up with the perfect opening line. A simple “Hey, what’s up?” or “Hi, you looked cool and I wanted to introduce myself” is enough. It’s not what you say, it’show you say it.
- An attractive lifestyle will do more for your dating life than almost anything else will. If you’re surrounded by positive people and interesting experiences, she’ll be excited to be a part of that.
1. I think the thing lots of guys don’t understand is there is a difference between being nice and being kind. Anybody can be “nice” but if you’re only being nice to someone to gain something in return, I think most people can pick up on that and it’s a huge turn-off. However if you’re genuinely a kind person and treat people well regardless of what they can offer you, that is very very attractive.
2. “Intelligence and naturally fluid conversation get me every time, and well-fitting clothes convey thoughtfulness and poise. You could look like an inflated lawn gnome and if you’ve got those two things goin’ on, I’d hit it. And I totally dated a guy (with those qualities) that was the spitting image of an inflated lawn gnome. Like to the point where complete strangers would comment on it. So yeah.”
3. Style and hygiene. Good dresser and smells good, your ugliness will kind of fade in the background.
4. A great personality and sense of humor. There’s been so many times that I initially found a guy unattractive, but after an hour or so of laughing and joking with him I’ve realized “Shit, I want to get his pants off.”
5. I find responsibility and ambition extremely attractive. It’s not about money. It’s about a guy who has his shit together, who’s looking for a partner and not a mother.
1. Listening. When we say “right there” do NOT change what you are doing!! That usually means we’re close to an orgasm and if you change something it all goes away. And please make noise! Sex should be fun, noisy, sweaty and a good time!
2. If I’m saying YESOHMYGOD DONT STOP, try to keep it up, don’t stop, pull out and decide that is the time to switch positions. So frustrating.
3. If you enjoy it, let the girl know. It’s really awkward if the girl’s enjoying herself and moaning and the guy is just ninja-quiet. I know some guys are conditioned to be all quiet, but during sex, it comes off as weirdly contemplative and like you’re uncertain.
1. Pretended to be interested in me, we developed a great friendship 3 strong years at the time. Then I met my future husband, he noticed that I have never been so interested and in love with someone. He would comment sarcastically on our pictures on facebook. He then confessed his love for me and begs me to leave him by saying that he has put up with my shit for so long. In my defense, he never showed romantic interest. He lived in Texas, he drove all the way to California to bombard me at 3am, threatening to kill himself If i dont ever love him back, threatened to hurt my husband and such. I called the cops and now I have a restraining order against him.
2. I was friends with this guy for a couple years, but was never interested in dating him. I was fairly certain he was aware of that, and since he never said or did anything that seemed to me like he was interested in me either, I assumed we were legitimately friends. He never asked me out, he never made any comment even suggesting he wanted anything more. We were fairly close, and had a lot of mutual friends. I never thought anything else was going on.
Apparently, this was not the case. A couple days after I got a new boyfriend, I update my relationship status on Facebook. My “friend” calls me within like…2 minutes of this update, and immediately starts shouting at me, demanding to know why he “wasn’t good enough for me” and why my boyfriend “was so much better than him.” I tired to get him to calm down, but he just kept yelling about how he was a “nice guy” and how he had “always been so nice to me, why didn’t I ever give him a chance?” I calmly tried to explain to him that I never got any signals from him, and I didn’t think I ever did anything to lead him on or anything, and he shouted that “he’s such a nice guy and doesn’t deserve to be friend-zoned like this.”
I made one final attempt to salvage the conversation, and tried to explain that I was sorry if he felt deceived, but it also really hurt my feelings that I thought he legitimately valued me as a person and wanted to be my friend, but now he’s just mad I won’t sleep with him. He flat-out screamed at me “FUCK YOU! You’re just a cold bitch! I bet your boyfriend’s an asshole anyway!!!”
I hung up on him and he never spoke to me again. Two years of relatively close friendship down the drain in one phone call. It felt pretty shitty.