1. Pretended to be interested in me, we developed a great friendship 3 strong years at the time. Then I met my future husband, he noticed that I have never been so interested and in love with someone. He would comment sarcastically on our pictures on facebook. He then confessed his love for me and begs me to leave him by saying that he has put up with my shit for so long. In my defense, he never showed romantic interest. He lived in Texas, he drove all the way to California to bombard me at 3am, threatening to kill himself If i dont ever love him back, threatened to hurt my husband and such. I called the cops and now I have a restraining order against him.
2. I was friends with this guy for a couple years, but was never interested in dating him. I was fairly certain he was aware of that, and since he never said or did anything that seemed to me like he was interested in me either, I assumed we were legitimately friends. He never asked me out, he never made any comment even suggesting he wanted anything more. We were fairly close, and had a lot of mutual friends. I never thought anything else was going on.
Apparently, this was not the case. A couple days after I got a new boyfriend, I update my relationship status on Facebook. My “friend” calls me within like…2 minutes of this update, and immediately starts shouting at me, demanding to know why he “wasn’t good enough for me” and why my boyfriend “was so much better than him.” I tired to get him to calm down, but he just kept yelling about how he was a “nice guy” and how he had “always been so nice to me, why didn’t I ever give him a chance?” I calmly tried to explain to him that I never got any signals from him, and I didn’t think I ever did anything to lead him on or anything, and he shouted that “he’s such a nice guy and doesn’t deserve to be friend-zoned like this.”
I made one final attempt to salvage the conversation, and tried to explain that I was sorry if he felt deceived, but it also really hurt my feelings that I thought he legitimately valued me as a person and wanted to be my friend, but now he’s just mad I won’t sleep with him. He flat-out screamed at me “FUCK YOU! You’re just a cold bitch! I bet your boyfriend’s an asshole anyway!!!”
I hung up on him and he never spoke to me again. Two years of relatively close friendship down the drain in one phone call. It felt pretty shitty.
In high school I was your typical nice guy, got along with everyone, had a bunch of friends but I was so shy when it came to women. I could have a conversation with a girl who I thought was pretty but in the end that conversation wound up me being very neutral / agreeable and even if I didn’t agree with them I never expressed my opinion for the fear of them being put off or offended. When a girl i liked said something like "Oh I forgot to get a fork when I got lunch", I would be the first person to be like "Oh ill go grab you one" or if she forgot her home work "Oh you can copy off mine". Basically I did things to help her and even though it wasn’t a conscious decision, I was pretty much at her becking call. I thought these were actions that would make her like me. Unfortunately 98% of the time I never got the girl, she would always wind up dating a guy who wasn’t 1/2 as nice as I was to her.
It took a lot of lost girls to figure out what I was doing wrong in this aspect. I finally realized what was going on. It wasn’t that most girls aren’t interested in nice guys. It was girls aren’t interested in a guy who is a pushover / weenie. My actions of always being there for whatever she needed, always complementing her and offering to do whatever I thought would make her happy are things that friends do. When you do these typed of things over and over again you’re taking the challenge of her winning your affection away. You are giving her what she should have to earn. What’s the point of competing in a competition when you already know you’re going to win? Women want to be desired but it’s not worth anything to them if you just give it to them.
Chances are that if you’ve used the internet within the last 10 years, you’ve watched porn.
Recently, there has been an online movement against overexposure to pornography. Gary Wilson lead this rebellion by creatingwww.yourbrainonporn.com along with a now infamous TED talk. His overall message is that masturbating to porn regularly can produce the following symptoms:
- Erectile disfunction (43% of adult males experience it)
- Difficulty reaching orgasm with a partner (delayed ejaculation)
- Experiencing greater sexual excitement with porn than with a partner
- Decreasing sensitivity of penis
- Coming when you are only partly erect, or getting totally erect only as you come
- Needing to fantasize to maintain erection or interest with sexual partner
- Earlier genres of porn are no longer “exciting”
- Declining sexual arousal with a sexual partner(s)
- Losing erection while attempting penetration
- Can’t maintain erection or ejaculate with oral sex
Some people argue that his findings are unscientific and unfounded. Whether you agree with the above is up to you, but I’m not here to argue those points. I’m here to discuss a different negative resulting from porn that I know is true for many guys.
Consistent masturbation to pornography stops men from meeting women.
1. Was watching a movie together on a couch and she went to lay her head on my lap. I got up to get her a pillow and blanket and set her up on the other end of the couch.
In my defense it was the first time watching The Matrix.
2. Went to a party, was hitting it off with a girl I knew through some social circles. She was cute and a ton of fun, but I had to take off after a few hours.
The party was in a friends apartment in the same building I lived in at the time. She was following me out, saying she needed to leave as well. We both called the elevator, and just kept small talk/flirting going on in the elevator.
I got to my floor, and she said that she thinks she forgot her jacket at my apartment. At this point I didn’t catch what was going on, so I told her that she’s never been to my apartment.
I only realized what the hell was going on after the elevator doors closed.
1. I had a friend once who would keep women’s pads/tampons at his place, along with a hair brush for thick hair, hairbands and women’s disposable razors.
I was a little weirded out by it when I first went to his place but I guess he’s had so many girls there that have wanted/needed that stuff that he just started keeping some around.
2. Men who are experienced with women in my experience usually have no need to prove that I am their girlfriend in public. At most they have their hand on my lower back.
I have noticed that more inexperienced men feel the need to “lay claim to me” by being touchy feely in public or sort of shielding me with their body language from other Men.
Also, when the topic of sex does come up most experienced men realize that women do in fact like sex while the inexperienced man I dated walked on eggshells around that topic until it became incredibly awkward.
3. Experienced: knows where your clit is and how to touch it. Inexperienced: what’s a clit?
4. I think a guy is experienced when kissing him feels fluid and enjoyable rather than it feeling like a guy is trying too hard and he ends up just pushing his lips onto yours forcefully.
By Stephen Passman
1. They’re Manipulative
This is the biggest one. Both women and men do it. I see it all the time — someone getting a man to buy dinner or drinks with no interest of getting to know the person, or a man expecting sex for doing so. Manipulative behavior is often not seen at first because of the initial superficial interactions and the “puppy love” effect. Manipulation is when someone acts or uses something or someone with a maleficent or aggressive intention in order to induce a desired action. Manipulation is emotional abuse (Fjeltstad, 2014).
Other big ones to watch out for:
a) Guilt tripping someone into doing something they don’t want to do.
b) Intimidation, using fear, or verbal abuse for creating submission for some action.
c) Positive/ Negative Reinforcement (E.g. Only saying I love you only after someone does something “good” or pleasing to the partner).
d) Anyone who “presses your buttons” or uses your insecurities to get you to do what they want you to do.
e) Giving gifts with strings attached or crossing your boundaries often.
Someone who is manipulative must be in control. So If you find these circumstances to be the case, realize that no one deserves to be subjected to this kind of behavior.
1. What is a "Nice Guy"?
A woman has a close male friend. This means that he is probably interested in her, which is why he hangs around so much. She sees him strictly as a friend. This always starts out with, you’re a great guy, but I don’t like you in that way. This is roughly the equivalent for the guy of going to a job interview and the company saying, You have a great resume, you have all the qualifications we are looking for, but we’re not going to hire you. We will, however, use your resume as the basis for comparison for all other applicants. But, we’re going to hire somebody who is far less qualified and is probably an alcoholic. And if he doesn’t work out, we’ll hire somebody else, but still not you. In fact, we will never hire you. But we will call you from time to time to complain about the person that we hired.
This reasoning right here is the epitome of “Nice Guy” thinking.
Basically a “Nice Guy” is someone who wonders why if they are so nice and good to women, why they won’t reciprocate (sleep with them)? The reason is: because they don’t have to, and no force in the world can change that. Let’s now get into the nitty-gritty of what’s wrong with being a “Nice Guy” (hereafter referred to as an NG).
I am a child of divorce, professional who dealt with divorcing couples for many years, Adult who went through a divorce, remarried and volunteer counseling/mentoring for couples today.
Here are the most common mistakes I’ve seen (my own as well as collectively) in the failed and struggling marriages I’ve seen:
1. One or both spouses have unresolved childhood baggage issues that will rear its head in their adult relationships. Examples of these include (but not limited to) physical or emotional abuse/neglect in the home; sexual abuse; one or both parents had substance abuse/addiction issues; one or both partners came from a divorced or single parent household. Among the many reasons why this is such a significant factor is if you grow up in a dysfunctional environment, you have no idea how dysfunctional and unhealthy it really is. To you, its normal, it is all you’ve ever known. So if Mom and Dad resolved conflict by getting drunk, yelling at each other and then not speaking for days, guess what you have a chance of modeling as an adult in your own relationships?
2. Understanding what “marriage as a priority” really means. When you get married, your marriage has to be the main priority in your life. Not your career, not your spouse (i.e. don’t put them on a pedestal), not your kids, not your hobbies or your personal fitness. The fact is, when you get married, you no longer get to call all of the shots. Gotten used to staying up all night playing XBOX with your boys on weekends? Not going to work in a marriage for an extended period of time. You’re going to have to accept the fact that if you want to have a healthy marriage, compromise is your new word of the day. In some cases you may have to give things up entirely, or learn to say “no for now.” While this often tends to be more of a struggle for men, women can also struggle with this issue. I’m not saying that getting married means giving up you completely, or kiss all of your favorite activities goodbye. What I am saying is, if you want your marriage to be healthy, you now have someone else in your life who gets an equal (not dominant–equal) say in how you spend your free time.