Dating

You Need to Stop Selling Yourself to Women

February 23, 2017 | 2 Comments » | Topics: Dating |

By Nick Notas

No one likes being sold to.

When I worked in real estate, I cold called people to pitch them on refinancing their mortgage.

Nearly every person who picked up the phone was annoyed. Even when my offer was potentially useful, I struggled to get anyone to hear me out.

I had way more people tell me “Fuck off!” than “Oh yes, I’m so happy you called!”

It’s because people are turned off by “salesmen”. They envision guys with ill-fitting suits trying to convince them to buy something they don’t want.

So where dating is concerned, I tell my clients: “Be the buyer, not the seller.”

This means approaching women with the mindset that YOU are choosing a compatible person for YOU. You should not be acting like a desperate salesman trying to prove that you’re good enough.

Being the “seller” means you value the approval of others over your own opinion of yourself. You worry about their judgment and you work hard to impress them. You’re afraid of losing any opportunity (scarcity) rather than focusing on finding ones that youfind fulfilling (abundance).

This is an unconfident, needy mindset. As I’ve written before, neediness is the biggest turn-off for women.

But implementing the “buyer” mindset means raising your self-esteem. I know that’s not easy to do overnight.

What you need to do is change your behavior and develop new habits that breed a high-value mindset. So I created 4 exercises that will help you cultivate a confident mentality of choice and abundance.

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What Every Introvert Ought to Know About Dating

February 22, 2017 | 1 Comment » | Topics: Dating, Answers |

By Nick Neeson

I get lots of introverted men e-mailing me to ask me how to become more successful with women.

Many of those questions have a common theme.

“I’ve tried out so much dating advice and it just doesn’t cut it for me. It’s draining, and I feel like I’m betraying myself. Is it possible there’s something wrong with me?”

They might not all write it in exactly those words, but that’s the general theme of the emails we receive.

Many introverted men think there’s something inherently wrong with them.

I have news for you.

THERE’S NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU!

I’d like to share some secrets that I feel are VITAL to understand if you’re an introvert and are wondering how to improve your love life.

The first and MOST IMPORTANT thing you ought to know is…

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How To Turn A Woman Off

January 25, 2017 | No Comments » | Topics: Dating |

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25 Things You Should Know About Dating

January 19, 2017 | 4 Comments » | Topics: Dating |

by Nick Notas

  1. The longer you wait to make the first kiss, the less likely it’ll happen. If you haven’t kissed by the third date, your chances drop significantly.
  2. You can be intimate on the first date and still create a healthy relationship.
  3. The friend zone happens when there’s a lack of sexual attraction. To avoid it: show your intentions from the start, be more aggressive, flirt, and initiate physical contact.
  4. All the lines or routines in the world won’t help if you aren’t confident from the inside.
  5. Dating is a numbers game. The guys who are best with women are the ones willing to put themselves on the line as often as possible.
  6. Body language and non-verbal communicationwill make or break your first impression. Stand tall, relax your shoulders, walk with self-assurance, give strong eye contact, and smile.
  7. Your vocal tone and quality conveys a lot about you, so develop a strong speaking voice. Learn diaphragmatic breathing, speak from your chest (diaphragm), project your voice, talk slower, and enunciate clearly.
  8. Forget trying to come up with the perfect opening line. A simple “Hey, what’s up?” or “Hi, you looked cool and I wanted to introduce myself” is enough. It’s not what you say, it’show you say it.
  9. An attractive lifestyle will do more for your dating life than almost anything else will. If you’re surrounded by positive people and interesting experiences, she’ll be excited to be a part of that.
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4 Comments »

12 Women Reveal Their Worst ‘Nice Guy’ Experiences

December 1, 2016 | 1 Comment » | Topics: Dating |

1. Pretended to be interested in me, we developed a great friendship 3 strong years at the time. Then I met my future husband, he noticed that I have never been so interested and in love with someone. He would comment sarcastically on our pictures on facebook. He then confessed his love for me and begs me to leave him by saying that he has put up with my shit for so long. In my defense, he never showed romantic interest. He lived in Texas, he drove all the way to California to bombard me at 3am, threatening to kill himself If i dont ever love him back, threatened to hurt my husband and such. I called the cops and now I have a restraining order against him.

 

2. I was friends with this guy for a couple years, but was never interested in dating him. I was fairly certain he was aware of that, and since he never said or did anything that seemed to me like he was interested in me either, I assumed we were legitimately friends. He never asked me out, he never made any comment even suggesting he wanted anything more. We were fairly close, and had a lot of mutual friends. I never thought anything else was going on.

Apparently, this was not the case. A couple days after I got a new boyfriend, I update my relationship status on Facebook. My “friend” calls me within like…2 minutes of this update, and immediately starts shouting at me, demanding to know why he “wasn’t good enough for me” and why my boyfriend “was so much better than him.” I tired to get him to calm down, but he just kept yelling about how he was a “nice guy” and how he had “always been so nice to me, why didn’t I ever give him a chance?” I calmly tried to explain to him that I never got any signals from him, and I didn’t think I ever did anything to lead him on or anything, and he shouted that “he’s such a nice guy and doesn’t deserve to be friend-zoned like this.”

I made one final attempt to salvage the conversation, and tried to explain that I was sorry if he felt deceived, but it also really hurt my feelings that I thought he legitimately valued me as a person and wanted to be my friend, but now he’s just mad I won’t sleep with him. He flat-out screamed at me “FUCK YOU! You’re just a cold bitch! I bet your boyfriend’s an asshole anyway!!!”

I hung up on him and he never spoke to me again. Two years of relatively close friendship down the drain in one phone call. It felt pretty shitty.

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Nice Guys Don’t Have To Finish Last

November 28, 2016 | 3 Comments » | Topics: Dating |

In high school I was your typical nice guy, got along with everyone, had a bunch of friends but I was so shy when it came to women. I could have a conversation with a girl who I thought was pretty but in the end that conversation wound up me being very neutral / agreeable and even if I didn’t agree with them I never expressed my opinion for the fear of them being put off or offended. When a girl i liked said something like "Oh I forgot to get a fork when I got lunch", I would be the first person to be like "Oh ill go grab you one" or if she forgot her home work "Oh you can copy off mine". Basically I did things to help her and even though it wasn’t a conscious decision, I was pretty much at her becking call. I thought these were actions that would make her like me. Unfortunately 98% of the time I never got the girl, she would always wind up dating a guy who wasn’t 1/2 as nice as I was to her.

It took a lot of lost girls to figure out what I was doing wrong in this aspect. I finally realized what was going on. It wasn’t that most girls aren’t interested in nice guys. It was girls aren’t interested in a guy who is a pushover / weenie. My actions of always being there for whatever she needed, always complementing her and offering to do whatever I thought would make her happy are things that friends do. When you do these typed of things over and over again you’re taking the challenge of her winning your affection away. You are giving her what she should have to earn. What’s the point of competing in a competition when you already know you’re going to win? Women want to be desired but it’s not worth anything to them if you just give it to them.

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20 Guys Confess The Times They Were Completely Clueless To A Girl’s Flirting

November 2, 2016 | 1 Comment » | Topics: Dating |

 

1. Was watching a movie together on a couch and she went to lay her head on my lap. I got up to get her a pillow and blanket and set her up on the other end of the couch.

In my defense it was the first time watching The Matrix.

 

2. Went to a party, was hitting it off with a girl I knew through some social circles. She was cute and a ton of fun, but I had to take off after a few hours.

The party was in a friends apartment in the same building I lived in at the time. She was following me out, saying she needed to leave as well. We both called the elevator, and just kept small talk/flirting going on in the elevator.

I got to my floor, and she said that she thinks she forgot her jacket at my apartment. At this point I didn’t catch what was going on, so I told her that she’s never been to my apartment.

I only realized what the hell was going on after the elevator doors closed.

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1 Comment »

Hidden Clues

October 20, 2016 | No Comments » | Topics: Dating |

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Nice Guy Syndrome: What It Is And Why You Should Kill It With Fire

October 5, 2016 | 1 Comment » | Topics: Dating |

nice guy syndrome

1. What is a "Nice Guy"?

A woman has a close male friend. This means that he is probably interested in her, which is why he hangs around so much. She sees him strictly as a friend. This always starts out with, you’re a great guy, but I don’t like you in that way. This is roughly the equivalent for the guy of going to a job interview and the company saying, You have a great resume, you have all the qualifications we are looking for, but we’re not going to hire you. We will, however, use your resume as the basis for comparison for all other applicants. But, we’re going to hire somebody who is far less qualified and is probably an alcoholic. And if he doesn’t work out, we’ll hire somebody else, but still not you. In fact, we will never hire you. But we will call you from time to time to complain about the person that we hired.

This reasoning right here is the epitome of “Nice Guy” thinking.

Basically a “Nice Guy” is someone who wonders why if they are so nice and good to women, why they won’t reciprocate (sleep with them)? The reason is: because they don’t have to, and no force in the world can change that. Let’s now get into the nitty-gritty of what’s wrong with being a “Nice Guy” (hereafter referred to as an NG).

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9 Most Common Mistake People Make When Choosing Their Spouse?

September 21, 2016 | No Comments » | Topics: Dating |

I am a child of divorce, professional who dealt with divorcing couples for many years, Adult who went through a divorce, remarried and volunteer counseling/mentoring for couples today.

Here are the most common mistakes I’ve seen (my own as well as collectively) in the failed and struggling marriages I’ve seen:

1. One or both spouses have unresolved childhood baggage issues that will rear its head in their adult relationships. Examples of these include (but not limited to) physical or emotional abuse/neglect in the home; sexual abuse; one or both parents had substance abuse/addiction issues; one or both partners came from a divorced or single parent household. Among the many reasons why this is such a significant factor is if you grow up in a dysfunctional environment, you have no idea how dysfunctional and unhealthy it really is. To you, its normal, it is all you’ve ever known. So if Mom and Dad resolved conflict by getting drunk, yelling at each other and then not speaking for days, guess what you have a chance of modeling as an adult in your own relationships?

2. Understanding what “marriage as a priority” really means. When you get married, your marriage has to be the main priority in your life. Not your career, not your spouse (i.e. don’t put them on a pedestal), not your kids, not your hobbies or your personal fitness. The fact is, when you get married, you no longer get to call all of the shots. Gotten used to staying up all night playing XBOX with your boys on weekends? Not going to work in a marriage for an extended period of time. You’re going to have to accept the fact that if you want to have a healthy marriage, compromise is your new word of the day. In some cases you may have to give things up entirely, or learn to say “no for now.” While this often tends to be more of a struggle for men, women can also struggle with this issue. I’m not saying that getting married means giving up you completely, or kiss all of your favorite activities goodbye. What I am saying is, if you want your marriage to be healthy, you now have someone else in your life who gets an equal (not dominant–equal) say in how you spend your free time.

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