By Nick Notas
Neediness is the most misunderstood concept in dating. Everyone seems to have an opinion on what they think being needy means:
“Don’t text a girl too soon. Wait a while before you respond. Be careful of showing your interest early on — especially if she’s REALLY hot.”
But what if I told you that those actions aren’t necessarily needy?
What if I told you that constantly worrying about whether or not you’re being needy is actually being needy?
Let’s clear up what neediness is and isn’t once and for all.
The real definition of neediness
To understand neediness in a romantic context, you must first understand self-confidence. Wikipedia defines it as:
Self-assuredness in one’s personal judgment, ability, and power.
Self-confidence means you trust in yourself and your own worth. You value your own opinion over what others think of you. You internally approve of who you are and what you do.
Therefore, someone who is not self-confident requires other sources to validate themselves. So…
Neediness means you don’t trust in yourself and your own worth. You value the opinions of others over your own. You seek external approval of who you are and what you do.
Simply put, being needy is caring more about how people perceive you rather than how you perceive yourself. Because of it, your behaviors and actions will revolve around pleasing others rather than satisfying yourself.
By this definition, it’s not about the actions you take but why you take them. The intention behind your actions is what makes you needy. Therefore, any action can be needy or self-confident depending on the mindset of where it comes from.
Most guys make the mistake of making friends with a girl first in the hopes of working it into a meaningful relationship later.
This couldn’t be more wrong. Not only are they wasting their time and money on the girl, but they are also digging their own graves.
These men wait around with their heads down in the hopes that she will change her mind and become romantically interested in them. However, these men fail to recognize the most basic facts: If she wasn’t interested in you romantically in the beginning, what makes you think she will change her mind later?
What makes you think she’s not using you as a surrogate boyfriend until she finds somebody she really wants?
What makes you think that she isn’t just around for the ride while you spend your money and time on her?
The "Friendship Zone" is a trap… a trap so elaborate and strong that freeing yourself out of it is about as easy as climbing Mount Everest.
by Sarah Jones from Introverted Alpha
It isn’t your imagination.
We women don’t always tell you exactly what we want.
Even though we won’t always spell out exactly what we want from you, as sometimes we don’t even realize what we want at first, that doesn’t mean you have to stay in the dark.
There’s a linear, logical way to shed light on what women want when it comes to approaching, flirting, and getting a woman’s number.
Today, I’m going to share with you how to essentially read a woman’s mind in these crucial areas so you can know what she wants, without her actually saying it to you.
There are four things you should never expect a woman to tell you. Might she tell you? Sure, but if you expect it, you’re shorting her and yourself a potentially great connection.
Don’t expect a woman to say, “Approach me now.”
Even if she wants it, she’s not likely to go over and tell you.
Does she want to be approached by everyone? No, only by men she feels at least comfortable around, if not attracted to. As long as you’re chill, that’s you! Even if she’s not attracted to you, and even if she has a boyfriend, she’ll still be flattered.
Although we like to think of women as gentle and kind beings, there are some that do nothing butbreed chaos, misunderstanding and insanity in relationships–especially when things don’t go their way. Whether these behaviors originate from a chemical imbalance or from the environment in which they were raised, one thing is for sure–dating a nut job can negatively affect all areas of your life; therefore, your goal should be to spot these gals before things get out of control. Here are 8 signs that the woman you’re dating is a psycho.
1. She’s extremely jealous
This type of psycho will go to any length to force unreasonable faithfulness on you because of her fear of losing you. Regardless of your constant assurances that you only care about her, she feels threatened when you discuss your previous relationships, gets angry and even has rages when you talk with female relatives, hates the idea of meeting your female friends and refers to all of them as skanks.
2. She’s controlling your life
Do you have a hard time remembering the last time you had an opinion? Do you recall your last decision? Do you constantly find yourself on the defensive, having to explain all your actions and words? If so, it’s because you’re being completely controlled. This type of psycho is often good at manipulating and intimidating men, making a guy feel he is the one responsible for making her angry or upset.
Controlling women like this believe they know what’s best for their men and will begin selecting the clothes you wear, choosing what movies you’ll watch and deciding what you should or shouldn’t eat. They will tell you when you can go out, when you can invite the guys over to watch the game and will even call you 10-15 times per day to keep track on what you’re doing, who you’re with and where you’re going next with each call. They must be right at all times and will use a great deal of coercion and intimidation to force you into agreeing with them, i.e. shaming you for your thoughts, actions, every time you voice an opinion and will never try to understand your views.
by Nick Notas
- The longer you wait to make the first kiss, the less likely it’ll happen. If you haven’t kissed by the third date, your chances drop significantly.
- You can be intimate on the first date and still create a healthy relationship.
- The friend zone happens when there’s a lack of sexual attraction. To avoid it: show your intentions from the start, be more aggressive, flirt, and initiate physical contact.
- All the lines or routines in the world won’t help if you aren’t confident from the inside.
- Dating is a numbers game. The guys who are best with women are the ones willing to put themselves on the line as often as possible.
- Body language and non-verbal communicationwill make or break your first impression. Stand tall, relax your shoulders, walk with self-assurance, give strong eye contact, and smile.
- Your vocal tone and quality conveys a lot about you, so develop a strong speaking voice. Learn diaphragmatic breathing, speak from your chest (diaphragm), project your voice, talk slower, and enunciate clearly.
- Forget trying to come up with the perfect opening line. A simple “Hey, what’s up?” or “Hi, you looked cool and I wanted to introduce myself” is enough. It’s not what you say, it’show you say it.
- An attractive lifestyle will do more for your dating life than almost anything else will. If you’re surrounded by positive people and interesting experiences, she’ll be excited to be a part of that.
During the early stages of dating, a girl doesn’t want to feel that you’re way more invested than she is.
She wants you to be secure, not clingy. She wants you to see her as a person, not idealize her. And she wants to know you are choosing her – and not just because you’re desperate for a girlfriend.
Now I’ve written before about how neediness is a state of mind and not necessarily your actions. Anything you do can be needy or not needy.
But I would be naive to think that some behaviors didn’t still look “desperate”, even if they’re coming from a healthy place.
1. Writing longer messages than hers
Listen, I hate playing games. If I like someone, I’m going to talk to them and not overthink it. But I also understand that smothering a girl too soon can be a huge turnoff.
Just remember to keep your text conversations at the same length or less than hers. Otherwise it can be overwhelming as she thinks, “He’s seems way too serious already. It also makes her feel like she needs to reply more when texting is supposed to be light and fun.
by Nick Notas
People give more thought to choosing their next Amazon purchase than to choosing their next relationship.
When it comes to romance, everyone is in such a hurry. You jump into a relationship with the first person who shows you interest. You commit to being exclusive before you’ve even gotten a chance to really know each other.
I think that’s insane! You’re playing Russian roulette and hoping that this person is going to be a good match for you.
I know you’re eager to find love, but being in an unhappy relationship is much worse than being alone. Especially if you’re trying to find someone you plan to be with forever, you shouldn’t just settle for anyone. Choosing the wrong person will affect your entire life.
The right partner can help you grow to the best version of yourself. The wrong partner can bring out the worst in you.
The right partner can support you. The wrong partner can use you and leave you more isolated than when you were single.
The right partner can make every experience more beautiful and satisfying than you could imagine. The wrong partner can strip out any shred of happiness from any moment.
So if the difference between a right partner and a wrong one is so obvious, why do we still find ourselves stuck in unfulfilling relationships?
by George P.H.
The first time I fell in love, I was 13. I wanted her to like me back so much I was prepared to do anything. I did my best to be nice, kind and giving – but none of it worked.
So I spent 2 years watching my first crush date asshole after asshole. She’d fall for the cheaters, the jerks and the guys who disrespected her. Every time, I was the one she cried to when things went wrong for the Nth time.
I didn’t get it. Here I was, giving her so much and ready to give more; we’d be great together… But she kept choosing them over me. She wasn’t the only one; over the years, many of the girls I liked ended up with assholes.
So when I finally decided to get with women, the first thing I wanted to know was, “why do girls like assholes so much?” – and whether I had to become one to be loved.
Here are the answers to those questions.
1. Girls Like Assholes because They’re Strong
Assholes have tough, dominant personalities. They’re not afraid to assert themselves over other people – in fact, they rarely show fear at all. They take what they want from life and don’t care what anyone thinks of them.
This is incredibly attractive because girls want to be with men who make them feel safe and protected. They like strong guys who know what they want and aren’t afraid to take it. Assholes have all those qualities – and so women choose them.