by George P.H.
A few weeks ago, a reader said he’d love to find out more about being the man in a relationship. I think this is a great topic, because too many guys take on the woman’s role when dating.
Instead of being the strong half of a couple, they let their girlfriends make every big decision; pace the relationship; dictate all the rules.
When this happens, a man can’t fulfill his natural role as a man. And what woman feels happy with a weak boyfriend who lets her call all the shots? Such relationships usually end in break-ups, unhappiness or cheating
To be the man in your relationships – for yourself and your girlfriend – follow the tips in this post.
Having The Right Attitude
Being a man in your relationship means being strong. It’s a lot like dancing: no matter how great a woman is, it won’t work unless the man can lead.
Unfortunately, mass media’s constantly showing us images of women running relationships. Switch on your T.V., listen to the radio: it’s always guys struggling to keep a special girl or moaning once they’ve lost her.
By Nick Notas
No one likes being sold to.
When I worked in real estate, I cold called people to pitch them on refinancing their mortgage.
Nearly every person who picked up the phone was annoyed. Even when my offer was potentially useful, I struggled to get anyone to hear me out.
I had way more people tell me “Fuck off!” than “Oh yes, I’m so happy you called!”
It’s because people are turned off by “salesmen”. They envision guys with ill-fitting suits trying to convince them to buy something they don’t want.
So where dating is concerned, I tell my clients: “Be the buyer, not the seller.”
This means approaching women with the mindset that YOU are choosing a compatible person for YOU. You should not be acting like a desperate salesman trying to prove that you’re good enough.
Being the “seller” means you value the approval of others over your own opinion of yourself. You worry about their judgment and you work hard to impress them. You’re afraid of losing any opportunity (scarcity) rather than focusing on finding ones that youfind fulfilling (abundance).
This is an unconfident, needy mindset. As I’ve written before, neediness is the biggest turn-off for women.
But implementing the “buyer” mindset means raising your self-esteem. I know that’s not easy to do overnight.
What you need to do is change your behavior and develop new habits that breed a high-value mindset. So I created 4 exercises that will help you cultivate a confident mentality of choice and abundance.
These are helpful things to look for when trying to gauge attraction.
If you’re talking to a cashier and she tells you for any reason when she gets off work, she wants you to come back.
If a girl gives you her number, on some level she is interested. Meaning she gives it to you without you prompting her first, though often if she gives it to you after you ask her it still means she’s interested* If a girl repeatedly mentions how she wishes she had a nice guy to date, she is interested.
If a girl asks about your relationship status out of the blue, she is interested.
If a girl you don’t know approaches you and asks for the time, but then lingers in your vicinity, she wants you to come back up and approach her because she is interested.
If a girl who is not a best friend type suggests watching a movie when you two are hanging out alone, she wants something to happen. She is interested.
If a girl says she “needs to talk to you”, but then it ends up being something really stupid like “I don’t know what colour to dye my hair”, then she probably chickened out of telling you she likes you.
Physical touching while a girl is having a conversation with you usually means she is interested.
Any time a girl seems to giggle WAY more than she should during a conversation, it means she is interested.
by George P.H.
If you’re a man, you have to agree there’s something magical about women. Like a beautiful sunset, a snow-capped mountain or a gorgeous painting, the right girl will make you lose your breath.
It’s all too easy to get overwhelmed by this feminine beauty, whether internal or external. When this happens, men put women on pedestals and treat them like objects of admiration instead of real people.
In my case, it took some rough wake-up calls to realize that girls are, more or less, just like us. When I finally “got it,” girls started hitting on me a lot more often; my relationships with girls improved tremendously.
I’d like the same change to happen for you. To make that happen, here are 5 reasons to stop putting women on pedestals.
1. This Just In: Women Are Human!
Imagine you’re on a date with a girl who ignores everything you say and just keeps complimenting your looks. No matter how amazing or into you she is, you’ll be creeped out since she likes you superficially and doesn’t care about the real you.
This is how girls feel about guys who place them on pedestals.
Yes, women are amazing. They look beautiful and being around them feels beautiful. But when you admire them instead of communicating person-to-person, they can tell you’re being shallow and fake from a mile away.
Admiring the opposite sex is one of my favorite pastimes, but remember that women are people – not objects to be admired!
By Nick Notas
I see a lot of guys who are afraid to challenge themselves socially using the excuse: “I’m an introvert.” They claim that because of this, they don’t have what it takes to become good at connecting with women. They believe their brains aren’t wired that way and there’s nothing they can do about it.
Here’s something that might shock you…
I’m an introvert! Yes, me, the guy who’s always preaching about pushing yourself to meet new people.
How is that possible? It’s because the real difference between introversion and extraversion is often misunderstood.
Most think that being an introvert automatically means you’re shy and lack confidence. Therefore, an extravert is confident and social. It’s not true at all. While there are correlations, the distinction between the two comes down to:
How you recharge or expend your energy.
Introverts tend to lose energy in large social settings like parties, bars, clubs, and larger groups. They feel drained and to regain that energy they require alone time or intimate interactions. They tend to feel best when with small groups, close friends, or relaxing on their own.
Extraverts tend to lose energy when they’re alone and it can actually frustrate them. Instead, they feel refreshed when they are surrounded by many people and in vibrant environments. All that energy empowers them and gives them the boost they need.
Guys are taught to be nice to women and that women like nice guys. We’re told that girls like nice guys, bombarded with romance stories of guys going above and beyond for women they care about. That the guy who stands outside a girls window at midnight playing music will get the girl etc.
When really, 99.9% of the time, doing these things for a girl you like just comes off as a creepy or makes her not respect you. The reality is girls like a lot of different things, but overall, women want a guy who’s independent and they have work to get their attention. Guys are similar in this aspect. A lot of us, when it comes to dating, we don’t want a girl who’s too clingy. This doesn’t mean hard to get. I’ll use an example. Texting. If you’re always free, and always available to a girl, you become less attractive. If she texts you, and you respond immediately every time, she’ll think you’re always free and don’t have a life. If you’re out doing things, and respond "Hey, was out fishing with buddies, what’s up? Grab a drink tonight?" You have a life outside her, she’ll want to be a part of it if she likes you.
It’s a weird thing being a guy. If we’re attractive to the girl, we can do a LOT of things that would ruin it for any other guys and she’ll stick around. I’ve done my fair share of stupid things when it comes to dating, things I look back on and cringe. A lot of these things worked though.. Sad part is, a lot of those messages work if the guy is attractive. Attractive guy walks up and says some stupid pick up line? A lot of girls will laugh at it, no matter how dumb or sexual. Thing is, we can all be attractive if we carry ourselves well, and dress appropriately. It doesn’t mean following fashion and being obsessed, just know what you look good in, and wear your clothes well. For example, I’m a southern guy at heart, I love the outdoors, and I love being comfortable. If I’m going out to a bar, I’ll wear jeans, a comfortable tshirt, and a hat (I’m bald), but I wear these things well, and I get a lot of compliments.
Being nice doesn’t work. Be yourself, have your own life outside of women. Don’t bend over backwards because you somehow think she’ll sleep with you if you help her move. Do things because it’s the right thing to do. If you like a girl, and she asks you to do something, imagine it’s one of your guy friends or a girl you’re not attracted to. If you’d still do it, then go ahead. If you’re at the point where she’s treating you like a friend, then that’s likely all she wants. If you’re looking to date a woman and she’s not interested move on or be a friend. Ask her for advice, see if she has any friends that she thinks would be interested. Ask if she’ll come out and help find a date with you. Don’t become ‘friends’ with women just for sex. If that’s what you want, you have to find it outside of that area.
by Nick Notas
“What do I want?”
When’s the last time you asked yourself that question?
I bet it’s been a while. Especially when it comes to women, you’ve likely asked yourself what she wants. What will look good in her eyes, get a laugh, or make a good impression? What will make her (and only her) happy?
For a long time, I focused on ensuring everyone around me was satisfied. I became a passenger in my own life. My actions were based on what I thought would make people like me. I even felt guilty for just thinking about getting what I really wanted.
People would ask favors and I would say yes when I didn’t want to. I’d analyze my words to make sure they were phrased to my audience. I hid my opinions out of fear of being rejected even when I felt I was right.
I was miserable, frustrated, and always got the short end of the stick. I didn’t have the life I hoped for and I blamed everyone else. You know what changed it all?
I started putting myself and my needs first. I became “selfish” — and it’s one of the best decisions I’ve ever made.
I’m not advocating disregarding other people’s feelings or becoming a total douchebag. I’m talking about fulfilling your needs before fulfilling the needs of others, also known as “You can’t truly love someone else until you love yourself.”
If you’re not honest with yourself, you’ll always struggle. You’ll struggle to build genuine connections and become self-confident. You’ll struggle with independence and not being needy. And you’ll build resentment and lash out against others as a result of this frustration. It’s a vicious cycle of unhappiness.
My goal is to show you why supporting your own needs plays a critical role in your happiness. Here are some of the lessons I’ve learned by making myself priority #1:
Most guys make the mistake of making friends with a girl first in the hopes of working it into a meaningful relationship later.
This couldn’t be more wrong. Not only are they wasting their time and money on the girl, but they are also digging their own graves.
These men wait around with their heads down in the hopes that she will change her mind and become romantically interested in them. However, these men fail to recognize the most basic facts: If she wasn’t interested in you romantically in the beginning, what makes you think she will change her mind later?
What makes you think she’s not using you as a surrogate boyfriend until she finds somebody she really wants?
What makes you think that she isn’t just around for the ride while you spend your money and time on her?
The "Friendship Zone" is a trap… a trap so elaborate and strong that freeing yourself out of it is about as easy as climbing Mount Everest.
To her, being friends with you means she doesn’t have any sexual attraction towards you or have any romantic interest in you. You’re simply around to kill boredom or until she finds something else better to do.
She may at one point in time have found you attractive, but since she’s spent enough time with you, she now believes you are as challenging as a game of checkers with her grandma. You simply do not stir the electricity in her body and that’s why you are who you are: A Friend!
More often than not, once a girl has made you a friend, getting her to think of you romantically is damn near impossible. And this is what you’ll hear:"Can’t we just be friends?"
Just because you get along with her and are compatible with her in a lot of areas doesn’t mean you are compatible intimately. Besides all this, she knows you too much already, all the sense of being mysterious and being a challenge is already gone. You are basically in arms reach for the girl and about as exciting as a G-rated movie on a Saturday night.