Guys are taught to be nice to women and that women like nice guys. We’re told that girls like nice guys, bombarded with romance stories of guys going above and beyond for women they care about. That the guy who stands outside a girls window at midnight playing music will get the girl etc.
When really, 99.9% of the time, doing these things for a girl you like just comes off as a creepy or makes her not respect you. The reality is girls like a lot of different things, but overall, women want a guy who’s independent and they have work to get their attention. Guys are similar in this aspect. A lot of us, when it comes to dating, we don’t want a girl who’s too clingy. This doesn’t mean hard to get. I’ll use an example. Texting. If you’re always free, and always available to a girl, you become less attractive. If she texts you, and you respond immediately every time, she’ll think you’re always free and don’t have a life. If you’re out doing things, and respond "Hey, was out fishing with buddies, what’s up? Grab a drink tonight?" You have a life outside her, she’ll want to be a part of it if she likes you.
It’s a weird thing being a guy. If we’re attractive to the girl, we can do a LOT of things that would ruin it for any other guys and she’ll stick around. I’ve done my fair share of stupid things when it comes to dating, things I look back on and cringe. A lot of these things worked though.. Sad part is, a lot of those messages work if the guy is attractive. Attractive guy walks up and says some stupid pick up line? A lot of girls will laugh at it, no matter how dumb or sexual. Thing is, we can all be attractive if we carry ourselves well, and dress appropriately. It doesn’t mean following fashion and being obsessed, just know what you look good in, and wear your clothes well. For example, I’m a southern guy at heart, I love the outdoors, and I love being comfortable. If I’m going out to a bar, I’ll wear jeans, a comfortable tshirt, and a hat (I’m bald), but I wear these things well, and I get a lot of compliments.
Being nice doesn’t work. Be yourself, have your own life outside of women. Don’t bend over backwards because you somehow think she’ll sleep with you if you help her move. Do things because it’s the right thing to do. If you like a girl, and she asks you to do something, imagine it’s one of your guy friends or a girl you’re not attracted to. If you’d still do it, then go ahead. If you’re at the point where she’s treating you like a friend, then that’s likely all she wants. If you’re looking to date a woman and she’s not interested move on or be a friend. Ask her for advice, see if she has any friends that she thinks would be interested. Ask if she’ll come out and help find a date with you. Don’t become ‘friends’ with women just for sex. If that’s what you want, you have to find it outside of that area.
by Nick Notas
“What do I want?”
When’s the last time you asked yourself that question?
I bet it’s been a while. Especially when it comes to women, you’ve likely asked yourself what she wants. What will look good in her eyes, get a laugh, or make a good impression? What will make her (and only her) happy?
For a long time, I focused on ensuring everyone around me was satisfied. I became a passenger in my own life. My actions were based on what I thought would make people like me. I even felt guilty for just thinking about getting what I really wanted.
People would ask favors and I would say yes when I didn’t want to. I’d analyze my words to make sure they were phrased to my audience. I hid my opinions out of fear of being rejected even when I felt I was right.
I was miserable, frustrated, and always got the short end of the stick. I didn’t have the life I hoped for and I blamed everyone else. You know what changed it all?
I started putting myself and my needs first. I became “selfish” — and it’s one of the best decisions I’ve ever made.
I’m not advocating disregarding other people’s feelings or becoming a total douchebag. I’m talking about fulfilling your needs before fulfilling the needs of others, also known as “You can’t truly love someone else until you love yourself.”
If you’re not honest with yourself, you’ll always struggle. You’ll struggle to build genuine connections and become self-confident. You’ll struggle with independence and not being needy. And you’ll build resentment and lash out against others as a result of this frustration. It’s a vicious cycle of unhappiness.
My goal is to show you why supporting your own needs plays a critical role in your happiness. Here are some of the lessons I’ve learned by making myself priority #1:
Most guys make the mistake of making friends with a girl first in the hopes of working it into a meaningful relationship later.
This couldn’t be more wrong. Not only are they wasting their time and money on the girl, but they are also digging their own graves.
These men wait around with their heads down in the hopes that she will change her mind and become romantically interested in them. However, these men fail to recognize the most basic facts: If she wasn’t interested in you romantically in the beginning, what makes you think she will change her mind later?
What makes you think she’s not using you as a surrogate boyfriend until she finds somebody she really wants?
What makes you think that she isn’t just around for the ride while you spend your money and time on her?
The "Friendship Zone" is a trap… a trap so elaborate and strong that freeing yourself out of it is about as easy as climbing Mount Everest.
To her, being friends with you means she doesn’t have any sexual attraction towards you or have any romantic interest in you. You’re simply around to kill boredom or until she finds something else better to do.
She may at one point in time have found you attractive, but since she’s spent enough time with you, she now believes you are as challenging as a game of checkers with her grandma. You simply do not stir the electricity in her body and that’s why you are who you are: A Friend!
More often than not, once a girl has made you a friend, getting her to think of you romantically is damn near impossible. And this is what you’ll hear:"Can’t we just be friends?"
Just because you get along with her and are compatible with her in a lot of areas doesn’t mean you are compatible intimately. Besides all this, she knows you too much already, all the sense of being mysterious and being a challenge is already gone. You are basically in arms reach for the girl and about as exciting as a G-rated movie on a Saturday night.
Relationships are like the Big Bang of pick-up. All the rules break down. There are no routines to fall back on, and you are forced to reveal your truest self. What follows is a short list of principles I’ve found to be true in most relationships and for most (healthy) women. They are not rules. Think of them more as guidelines that can help you stay healthy, positive, and open while keeping things in perspective. Bombs away.
1. WOMEN WANT TO HAVE FUN
The old song is true. Girls just want to have fun. If you and your girl don’t have fun, don’t expect her to stick around. This is why, in surveys, women consistently list a sense of humor as the most desirable trait in a partner. It is really difficult to overstate how much this is true.
1a. Here’s what this means for you:
Learn to have fun at any time, no matter what you are doing. And don’t do it for her. Do it for yourself. If you can develop a sense of self-enjoyment, you will never be bored. For example, if you and your lady are walking, and you see a jungle gym, and she squeals and makes a break for it, don’t sulk and quietly wait for her to finish playing. Instead, run as fast as you can, push her out of the way, climb to the top, rip your shirt off, and scream, “I am the king and this is my kingdom! You will never defeat me, infidel!” And when she tries, pounce on her and tickle her until she pees in public. It doesn’t have to be that extreme, of course. Throw popcorn at her during a movie. If she drags you into a women’s clothing store, pull some shiet off the rack, try it on, and ask the clerk’s opinion. Tackle her into bed. Smile. Laugh. Make some memories, for fuk’s sake. Be playful, and never, ever say no to fun.
by Nick Notas
Especially in self-improvement and pickup circles, men love to preach about what “class” of male you should be. If you’re an alpha male, you are the leader of the pack and get all the women. If you’re a beta male, you are a loser push-over that no one will ever love.
It’s all nonsense and the classification is extremely harmful. Men become so obsessed with this idea that they base every action on whether or not they are being “alpha”. They enjoy laughing at weak beta males and feel superior because of it.
What’s funny is that I’ve noticed the men who are most vocal about this are usually the most insecure. They have no idea what it means to be genuinely confident. They use arrogance as a way to protect themselves from having real connections with people. They need to prove themselves as true men by overcompensating. You can almost hear them screaming “Look everybody, I am an alpha male! Hear me roar!”
I’m here to disprove what many people believe makes an “alpha male” and show you what it means to be a real, confident human being.
1. You’re not supposed to feel any “sissy” emotions.
Alpha males claim that you shouldn’t feel fear, anxiety, sadness, loneliness, shame, or self-doubt. If you do, you’re supposed to ignore, avoid, and shove those emotions away.ALPHA ALL THE TIME.
Sorry, but these are normal human emotions that everyone experiences. Without them, you will struggle with empathy and relating to others. The key is to not bury these emotions but to learn how to manage and accept them. Trying to escape them only intensifies their control over you.
Yes, your day-to-day life and outlook should not be ruled by these emotions. But you will feel them at some point and that’s perfectly okay. Remind yourself that it is normal, temporary, and does not dictate your overall character. Have the courage to work through them and challenge your comfort zone. Action will lead to further confidence.
2. Attraction is everything when meeting women.
When men get into dating advice they think that you have to “game” women constantly. If you let up with your flirting, teasing, sexual innuendo, sarcasm, cockiness, or physical contact for even a second she’s going to walk away. They believe that you always need to demonstrate your value and spike attraction to be a ladies man.
Then they have conversations like:
Why is it that women flock to some men and ignore others? Is it because of looks, confidence, humor, enthusiasm, personality, status, etc?
Depending on the circumstances and the girl, any one of these ‘reasons’ could be the deciding factor, but that’s not what’s important. What’s important is that these are all symptoms of something deeper, something more fundamental. They are the outward expression of a single ‘rule’ for attracting women.
The problem with most dating advice is that it focuses on developing or exhibiting these traits and ignores the actual cause of these traits. It focuses on ways to ‘fake it’ and get around your inability to attract women.
Some advice involves lying or making up stories to make you seem more attractive. Other advice involves various flavors of changing who you are to make a girl like you.
These methods can work in the short term, but that doesn’t make them right, and in the long term, they usually leave you unhappy because you are rejecting who you really are just so you can get a girl to like you.
The key to becoming attractive is to avoid studying tricks and tactics and work on the inner cause of what makes you an attractive person.
What you really need to attract women
The reason why some men struggle to attract women, or for that matter, anything they want into their lives is thatthey lack a genuine love for who they are. They don’t respect who they are, they don’t like certain things about themselves, and they don’t even believe that they deserve to have the pleasure of a beautiful, confident woman in their lives.
This is the root of almost all problems men have with women. If you loved yourself, you would take care of your body, you would exude self confidence, you would be comfortable starting conversations with people, you would be fun to be around, etc.
So, the most important thing you can do for yourself, starting today, is to love who you are. You’ve got to believe that you are valuable and worthy of being loved before any woman will give you the time of day.
by Nick Notas
Every man seeks the answer to the eternal question:
“How do I become confident?”
And for most, they’re asking the wrong question. They should be saying:
“How do I love myself more?”
Before you think I’m spouting some new age fluff, hear me out.
Confidence is not something you instantly acquire. It’s not a simple on and off switch or a few lines you can memorize. It’s not about getting laid, acting “alpha”, or anything external. It is an internal belief about yourself that must be cultivated over time. That begins with your self-esteem.
Wikipedia defines self-esteem as:
“A term used in psychology to reflect a person’s overall emotional evaluation of his or her own worth.” (Source)
In other words, do you love who you are? Do you trust in yourself? Do you prioritize your needs? Do you invest in yourself regularly? Do you respect your opinions? Are you congruent with your values and principles?
When faced with various situations in life that challenge the above, there are two paths you can take. One leads you to a life of fulfillment, the other leads to endless suffering.
by George P.H.
When it comes to girls, looks are everything. Society teaches us that truly beautiful women are rare and valuable. Since most guys don’t think of themselves as equally valuable, gorgeous girls intimidate them.
A few days ago, I met a girl. She’s taller than me; absolutely gorgeous; dances professionally and has the body for it. But I just got off the phone with her, and guess what?
Our conversation was kinda boring; I doubt we’ll meet again.
The truth is, attractive girls like her really aren’t that special. I’d take a fun girl with average looks over a boring model any day of the week – and so should you.
Still intimidated by beautiful women? Read this and see why you shouldn’t be.
Why Beautiful Women Intimidate Men
You don’t have to be a rocket scientist to know that society objectifies women for their looks. We can talk about equal rights all day long, but the truth is simple: a woman’s physical appearance is her social currency; the source of her value.
A really hot girl has a lot of value, much like a rich and powerful man. Guys want to sleep with her; both sexes want to be around her. By leveraging this interest, a beautiful 18-30 year old woman can get just about anything.
I’ve seen guys buy lunches, rings, necklaces, 3,000$ bags, cars and apartments for girls – just because they looked pretty.