When the turd is rock solid
1. I let a girl that I had a crush on use my calculator for a maths test. When she returned it, I noticed she hadn’t cleared the calculator… I then proceeded to wank to the equations she put in.
2. When I was 11 or so, ABC aired a movie with nudity in it, uncensored and with limited commercial interruption. I’d only just discovered masturbation the previous summer. It was the 90s. I never got to see tits, like ever. But I got to see tits that night. My dad was sitting on one couch in the living room. I was layin on another couch. With a blanket over me. We watched. So many naked women. Cannot contain boner. A scene where dozens of nude women are shepherded into some sort of… chamber. Trying hard not to shake blanket while getting my strokes in. Nude women are trapped in room, scared. Then, overhead sprinklers drench the nude women in cool refreshing water, much to their nude-women-relief. I came. It was Schindler’s List. I masturbated during Schindler’s List with my dad in the room.
Never Forget, That Time An Airline Passenger Took A Dump So Foul They Had To Make An Emergency Landing
Telegraph – A British Airways flight to Dubai was forced to return to Heathrow Airport when a “smelly poo in the toilet” became unbearable for passengers.
The pilot announced that the long haul flight had to be aborted, after cabin crew were unable to prevent the pungent odour emanating from an overflowing toilet.
Around 30 minutes in the seven-hour flight, the plane returned to London amid health and safety concerns.
Hertsmere councillor Abhishek Sachdev, who represents Potters Bar Parkfield was on the plane and said it was “insane” that passengers had to wait 15 hours for another flight due to a “smelly poo in the toilet”.
He told Mail Online: “The pilot made an announcement requesting senior cabin crew, and we knew something was a bit odd. “About 10 minutes later he said you may have noticed there’s a quite pungent smell coming from one of the toilets.”
Mr Sachdev, who was not seated near the toilet in question, said: “He said it was liquid faecal excrement, those are the words he used. “He said it’s not a technical fault with the plane, and he was very adamant about that.”
The captain said the plane’s crew had investigated the problem, but were unable to fix it, so the plane would need to return to London for health and safety reasons.
I would be so proud if I were the pooper. I’d have lifetime bragging right and It would be an awesome story to tell the grandkids. “Gather round children, there was one time when your old granddad took a dump so wretched, it brought down a freaking plane!" Legends of my sh*t will be passed down from generation to generation.
When someone sends me nudes of my high school crush