Life Experiences

What’s It Like To Be A Member Of A Triad?

September 26, 2017 | 3 Comments » | Topics: Life Experiences |

My involvement began in high school. There was nothing dramatic about it, I just became friends with a bunch of people I thought were cool and one thing led to another.

High school gangs are like triad training schools. They are not part of the triads per se, they’re more of a triad Mickey Mouse fan club where a group of young wannabes strut around pretending to be something they’re not. You’d be surprised at just how many of these there are.

The leaders of these high school gangs are usually affiliated with a low ranking triad member, called a 49 in triad lexicon. These are the foot soldiers. The 49 functions as big brother whose help the boys would call on in case of trouble, but big brother is also a scout who kept an eye out for promising young talent.

I must’ve seemed like one, because I was soon introduced to the 49er’s tailou (big brother), who was also a 49er. We met a few times at a local disco, snorted cocaine, gargled ketamine, popped ecstasy, and soon he trusted me enough to put me in charge of a few high-school gangs.



Confessions Of A Las Vegas Stripper

September 20, 2017 | No Comments » | Topics: Life Experiences |

How close are you to completing your medical degree?

Nice, I love the cliches. Used to be one but sadly no plans to complete. Going in a different career direction

How did you get into stripping?

Long story short, I was a waitress at a shitty restaurant. I saw an ad in the paper for a cocktail waitress at a strip club. Went in for the interview, the manager said I was too pretty to waitress and I was going to dance. I told him to go fuck himself. Then I figured I couldn’t judge it if I didn’t try it, so gave it a go! I actually think it’s super fun. I’m outgoing and don’t have any body image issues so it’s great.

What is your stripping name and how’d you choose it?

Vanessa. It’s easy to say, pretty, customers think it’s sexy and I like “V” names.


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What Is It Like For A Woman To Go From Physically Unattractive To Attractive

September 19, 2017 | 4 Comments » | Topics: Life Experiences |

It feels good most of the time, but it can be quite frustrating. Many people assume I’ve always looked the way I do now, and that as a result I must be a snob, or have some sort of sense of entitlement.

My case is extreme in the sense that I went from literally being invisible to men for the majority of my life, to receiving comments daily from men all over the world telling me I’m beautiful. As an adult film performer I am somewhat in the public eye, so I get a lot of attention for and comments about my appearance.



What’s It Like To Be Addicted To Cigarettes

September 12, 2017 | 3 Comments » | Topics: Life Experiences |

I’m 30 and started smoking when i was 12. By the time i was 15 I was a full fledged pack a day smoker. Over the years I have witnessed many people fall prey to the habit.

You start by smoking here and there, maybe you don’t inhale at first, maybe you just like to blow it out your nose or smoke it like a cigar. It’s only on certain occasions.

If you are fiddling with cigarettes, you likely have friends that are smoking, also. so you are hanging out, maybe having a few beers, and you see them smoking and decide to be social with them, and also have a cig, but alas, you have none. So you bum a few off a friend for the night. you kind of like it. it just feels good to have one with some drinks or just when you’re talking and laughing. Soon you do this every time you get together for a drink/movie/whatever. It’s not a big deal, it’s just once in a blue moon.

After a while, your friends start complaining that you are always asking for cigarettes but you never seem to have your own, you cheap son of a bitch. Those shiets are expensive. Maybe next time you could come prepared and letother people bum them. So you buy a pack prior to the next gathering. It feels weird to order them at the counter, but whatever. It’s only for the night and you feel like an asshole smoking everyone’s cigarettes all night. You see how they act when they run low. You don’t want to be that guy.




September 7, 2017 | No Comments » | Topics: Life Experiences |

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What Was It Like To Be Gassed At A Nazi Concentration Camp

September 6, 2017 | 5 Comments » | Topics: Life Experiences |

Filip Muller, is one of the rare survivors among those condemned to work in the Sonderkommando (The members of Sonderkommando, composed almost entirely of Jewish inmates, were forced under threat of death to do the most disturbing work for the SS: dispose of the countless corpses of the victims killed in the gas chambers.) . Born in 1922 in a small town (Sered) in Slovakia, Muller was only twenty years old when he was brought to Auschwitz in April 1942. After a short while, as punishment, he was assigned to dispose of the corpses of the victims. Many of them had wasted away to skin and bones in Auschwitz or in Polish ghettos; others had died of typhus and other diseases in the concentration camp; some had been brutally beaten and shot by the SS, others were hung to set an example for other prisoners, but by far most—hundreds of thousands of men, women, children and babies–were collectively massacred in the gas chambers. As Muller recalls, the sadism and brutality of the SS soldiers knew no bounds: “Shouting and wielding their truncheons, like beaters at a hunt, the remaining SS men chased the naked men, women and children into the large room inside the crematorium. All that was left in the yard were the pathetic heaps of clothing which we had to gather together to clear the yard for the second half of the transport”. Here he is describing a gassing:


As people reached the crematorium they saw everything – this horribly violent scene. The whole area was ringed with SS. Dogs barked – machine- guns. They all, mainly the Polish Jews, had misgivings.

They knew something was seriously amiss, but none of them had the faintest of notions that in three or four hours they’d be reduced to ashes.



What’s It Like To Have To Put Your Dog Down

September 5, 2017 | 1 Comment » | Topics: Life Experiences |

The single hardest thing I have done in my life at the age of 31 was put down my lab, Angel, who had heart disease. I remember getting the call from my mom while I was at work and using the drive over the to vet to get all my crying out. This was my pup growing up and was the sweetest dog I’ve ever owned. Not a mean bone in her body and would absolutely light up the moment she saw me. Every time.

I remember pulling up to the vet and thinking I had everything under control but the moment I went into the room where she was laying on the table I lost it. Here is my pup breathing what seemed like slow determined breaths, dealing with pain in a foreign room without family around. My Mom walks in first and Angel immediately recognizes her and you can sense the relief. So then I come in right after and the tail wag alone was enough to break me down but the fact that she tried to stand up absolutely destroyed me. In that moment their was nothing strong about what I was projecting. I panic and turned around unready for what was happening regardless of my preparation. I wasn’t ready to lose my best friend. My family.


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