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Top 10 Kill Counts In Movies

July 27, 2011 | No Comments » | Topics: List |

kill counts in movies

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The Code Of Men

July 22, 2011 | 1 Comment » | Topics: List |

man code

  1. Thou shall not rent Chocolat
  2. Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.
  3. Any man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed and eaten by his fellow partygoers.
  4. When you are queried by a buddy’s wife, girlfriend, mother, father, priest, shrink, dentist, accountant, or dog walker, you need not and should not provide any useful information whatsoever as to his whereabouts. You are permitted to deny his very existence.
  5. Unless he murdered someone in your immediate family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.
  6. You may exaggerate any anecdote told in a bar by 50% without recrimination; beyond that, anyone within earshot is allowed to call “Bullshiet!” Exception: When trying to pick up a girl, the allowable exaggeration rate rises to 400%
  7. If you’ve known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off-limits forever.
  8. The minimum amount of time you have to wait for another guy who’s running late is 5 minutes. For a girl, you are required to wait 10 minutes for every point of hotness she scores on the classic 1-10 scale.
  9. Biatching about the brand of free beer in a buddies refrigerator is forbidden. You may gripe if the temperature is unsuitable.
  10. No man is ever required to buy a birthday present for another man. (In fact, even remembering a friend’s birthday is strictly optional.)
  11. Agreeing to distract the ugly friend of a hot babe your buddy is trying to hook up with is your legal duty. Should you get carried away with your good deed and end up having sex with the beast, your pal is forbidden to speak of it, even at your bachelor party.
  12. Before dating a buddies ex, you are required to ask his permission; and he, in return is required to grant it.
  13. Women who claim they “love to watch sports” must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to pick a buffalo wing clean.
  14. If a man’s zipper is down, that’s his problem — you didn’t see nothin’.
  15. The universal compensation for buddies who help you move is beer.
  16. Your girlfriend must bond with your buddies’ girlfriends within 30 minutes of meeting them. You are not required to make nice with her gal pals (significant dick-heads — low level sports bonding) is all the law requires.
  17. When stumbling upon other guys watching a sports event, you may always ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who’s playing.
  18. When your girlfriend/wife expresses a desire to fix her whiney friend with your pal, you may give her the go-ahead only if you’ll be able to warn your buddy and give him time prepare excuses about joining the priesthood.
  19. It is permissible to consume a fruity chick drink only when you’re sunning on a tropical beach. And it’s delivered by a topple supermodel. And it’s free.
  20. Unless you’re in prison, never fight naked.
  21. A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.
  22. If a buddy is outnumbered, outmanned, or too drunk to fight, you must jump into the fight. Exception: If within the last 24 hours his actions have caused you to think “What this guy needs is a good ass-whoopin,” you may sit back and enjoy.
  23. Friends don’t let friends wear speedos. Ever. Issue closed.
  24. Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man while weight lifting: “Yeah, baby, push it!” “C’mon, give me one more!” “Harder!” “Another set and we can hit the showers.” “Nice ass, are you a Sagittarius?”
  25. Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both. That’s just plain mean.
  26. If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you’d better be referring to his beer.
  27. Never join your girlfriend/wife in dissing a buddy, except when she’s withholding sex pending your response.
  28. Never talk to a man in the bathroom unless you’re on equal footing: both urinating, both waiting in line. In all other situations, a nod is all the conversation you need.
  29. If a buddy is already singing along to a song in the car, you may not join him … too gay.
  30. Before allowing drunken friend to cheat on his girl, you must attempt one intervention. If he is able to get on his feet, look you in the eye, and deliver a “Fcuk off!” You are absolved of your of responsibility.
  31. The morning after you and a babe who was formerly “just a friend” have carnal, drunken monkey sex, the fact that you’re feeling weird and guilty is no reason not to nail her again before the discussion about what a big mistake it was.
  32. In Black Jack, always split aces and eights. No arguments.

1 Comment »

20 Rules For My Unborn Son

July 10, 2011 | 3 Comments » | Topics: List |

advice for sun

  • Never shake a man’s hand sitting down.
  • There are plenty of ways to enter a pool. The stairs ain’t one.
  • The man at the grill is the closest thing we have to a king. Fetch him beers.
  • In a negotiation, never make the first offer.
  • Never cancel dinner plans by text message.
  • Request the late check-out.
  • When entrusted with a secret, keep it.
  • Don’t get married before you can legally drink.
  • Return a borrowed car with a full tank of gas.
  • Don’t fill up on bread.
  • When shaking hands, grip firmly and look him in the eye.
  • Don’t let a wishbone grow where a backbone should be.
  • If you need music on the beach, you’re missing the point.
  • Carry two handkerchiefs. The one in your back pocket is for you. The one in your breast pocket is for her.
  • You marry the girl, you marry her whole family.
  • Be like a duck. Remain calm on the surface and paddle like hell underneath.
  • Experience the serenity of traveling alone.
  • Never be afraid to ask out the best looking girl in the room.
  • Always do sober what you said you’d do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.
  • Don’t show off. Impress.
  • 3 Comments »

    50 Reasons Why It’s Good To Be A Man

    June 9, 2011 | 2 Comments » | Topics: List |

    hugh hefner

    2 Comments »

    100 Proven Tips To Become A More Effective Evil Overlord

    May 5, 2011 | 3 Comments » | Topics: List, Writing |

    how to be evil

    1. My Legions of Terror will have helmets with clear Plexiglas visors, not face concealing ones.
    2. My ventilation ducts will be too small to crawl through.
    3. My noble half-brother whose throne I usurped will be killed, not kept anonymously imprisoned in a forgotten cell in my dungeon.
    4. Shooting is not too good for my enemies.
    5. The artifact which is the source of my power will not be kept on the Mountain of Despair beyond the River of Fire guarded by the Dragon of Eternity. It will be in my safe-deposit box. The same applies to the object which is my one weakness.
    6. I will not gloat over my enemies predicament before killing them.
    7. When I’ve captured my adversary and he says, “Look, before you kill me, will you at least tell me what this is all about?” I’ll say, “No.” and shoot him. No, on second thought, I’ll shoot him and then say “No.”
    8. After I kidnap the beautiful princess, we will be married immediately in a quiet civil ceremony, not a lavish spectacle in three weeks’ time during which the final phase of my plan will be carried out.
    9. I will not include a self-destruct mechanism unless absolutely necessary. If it is necessary, it will not be a large red button labelled, “Danger: Don Not Push”. The big red button marked “Do Not Push” will instead trigger a spray of bullets on anyone stupid enough to disregard it. Similarly, the ON/OFF switch will clearly not be labelled as such.
    10. (more…)

    3 Comments »

    5 Movie Monologues That Will Instantly Sell You On A Movie

    March 22, 2011 | 4 Comments » | Topics: Awesomeness, List |

    pulp fiction monologue

    I’m no movie expert by any stretch of the imagination and I’m not going to drown you out with any technical terminology or subdue you with an overly pretentious understanding of carefully crafted acting. I’m just a simple dude, who from time to time while watching a movie is like ‘Holy shiet! That was fcuking awesome!". Here are 5 freaking awesome movie monologues that conjured up such a reaction. Enjoy.

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    4 Comments »

    14 Ways Of ‘Winning’ Like Charlie Sheen Which Doesn’t Require Pronstars And Cocaine

    March 3, 2011 | 7 Comments » | Topics: Awesomeness, List |

    charlie sheen winning

    Although Charlie Sheen is living in his own world of ‘Winning’ with all the pronstars and coke and excess that he surrounded himself with, we can do our own ‘Winning’ in life by accomplishing any of the 14 feats that I have listed below. Feel free to add your own definition of ‘Winning’ in the comment section below.

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    5 Awesome Clips That Will Instantly Sell You On A Movie

    January 28, 2011 | No Comments » | Topics: Awesomeness, List |

    american psycho business card scene

    Due to a hefty intake of alcohol yesterday night, I am only able to come up with 5 clips at the present moment and If you guys want to add your favorite movie clip to the list below, feel free to add the link in the comment section below and I will add it to the post.

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    A Few Good Reasons Why Being A Man Is Awesome

    January 11, 2011 | 1 Comment » | Topics: Awesomeness, List |

    kenny powers

    1. Your last name stays put.

    2. Wedding plans take care of themselves.

    3. You can never be pregnant.

    4. Car mechanics tell you the truth.

    5. The world is your urinal.

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    1 Comment »

    10 Traits Of A Perfect Girlfriend

    December 15, 2010 | 4 Comments » | Topics: List, main |

    1. Loves Sports

    10 traits of a perfect girlfriend

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    4 Comments »