Man-Up

The Daily Man-Up

February 7, 2018 | No Comments » | Topics: Man-Up |

When I was 13 I wanted to learn guitar but I saw on TV some kid who was 11 and a child prodigy and I thought "I waited too long, now I’ll be a beginner while kids like that already are great".

Then I was 23 and thought "oh man if I had just started at 13 I would have ten years experience by now! But now why bother?"

At 33 I realized, damn if I had just started at 23 I would probably be pretty good at this by now, but now I’m old and would feel weird in a beginner class at this age, so I didn’t.

At 43 I thought, why did I ever care about what people would think instead of realizing I wanted to do something, but didn’t out of fear and regret, and because I kept thinking about the amount of time I’d already wasted, instead of the fact that RIGHT NOW is simultaneously the oldest I’ve ever been, and the youngest I will ever be again. Now is the time. For everything. Always.

Just start a new game.

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The Daily Man-Up

February 6, 2018 | No Comments » | Topics: Life, Man-Up |

I’m old. What that means is that I’ve survived (so far) and a lot of people I’ve known and loved did not. I’ve lost friends, best friends, acquaintances, co-workers, grandparents, mom, relatives, teachers, mentors, students, neighbors, and a host of other folks. I have no children, and I can’t imagine the pain it must be to lose a child. But here’s my two cents.

I wish I could say you get used to people dying. I never did. I don’t want to. It tears a hole through me whenever somebody I love dies, no matter the circumstances. But I don’t want it to “not matter”. I don’t want it to be something that just passes. My scars are a testament to the love and the relationship that I had for and with that person. And if the scar is deep, so was the love. So be it. Scars are a testament to life. Scars are a testament that I can love deeply and live deeply and be cut, or even gorged, and that I can heal and continue to live and continue to love. And the scar tissue is stronger than the original flesh ever was. Scars are a testament to life. Scars are only ugly to people who can’t see.

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The Daily Man-Up

February 5, 2018 | No Comments » | Topics: Man-Up |

We all know about the running joke that romantic relationships are a source of misery.

We grew up on shows like Married With Children where Al Bundy hated having to hang out with his wife Peg. We hear friends challenge each other with, “You’re so whipped!” And serious couples give us ominous warnings such as, “Don’t get married.” or “It’s all good now, but wait until the honeymoon is over.”

These may make us laugh but they also reinforce that our partners are a burden on our lives.

It’s true that maintaining a happy, healthy relationship takes work. But that doesn’t mean it has to suck.

The secret lies in finding a relationship that makes life easier and more fulfilling for you.With a compatible partner and mutual support, your relationship should decrease outside stresses, increase productivity, and improve the quality of your lives. 

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The Daily Man-Up

February 2, 2018 | 1 Comment » | Topics: Man-Up |

attracting women

Why is it that women flock to some men and ignore others?  Is it because of looks, confidence, humor, enthusiasm, personality, status, etc?

Depending on the circumstances and the girl, any one of these ‘reasons’ could be the deciding factor, but that’s not what’s important.  What’s important is that these are all symptoms of something deeper, something more fundamental.  They are the outward expression of a single ‘rule’ for attracting women.

The problem with most dating advice is that it focuses on developing or exhibiting these traits and ignores the actual cause of these traits.  It focuses on ways to ‘fake it’ and get around your inability to attract women. 

Some advice involves lying or making up stories to make you seem more attractive.  Other advice involves various flavors of changing who you are to make a girl like you. 

These methods can work in the short term, but that doesn’t make them right, and in the long term, they usually leave you unhappy because you are rejecting who you really are just so you can get a girl to like you.

The key to becoming attractive is to avoid studying tricks and tactics and work on the inner cause of what makes you an attractive person.

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The Daily Man-Up

February 1, 2018 | No Comments » | Topics: Man-Up |

Half an hour had passed and I sat in my car, waiting for my habitually tardy friend to arrive so I could help her move. Resentment and anger started to build. But when she texted, “So sorry, be there soon,” I replied, “No worries! Take your time 🙂 ” I’d had it. I was really sick of this being nice shit.

Over the years, I’ve developed a problematic habit of taking my agreeableness too far. Being agreeable isn’t a bad quality. In psychological terms, being agreeable usually means you’re an empathetic person who craves social harmony. That’s great, but sometimes it manifests itself in a really disingenuous way. 

Part of my agreeability has to do with empathy and understanding, but being understanding often goes hand in hand with the desire to be understood. In other words, we’re nice to people because we want them to be nice to us. It’s what we learned in grade school, after all. A big part of my agreeability is that I want people to like me and know that I’m a good person. It sounds sweet and all, but it’s actually a narcissistic need: I even want people to like me when I don’t like or care about them.

For this reason, agreeable people are often too nice. We agree to tasks we don’t have time to do. We agree to call a truce when we’re still hurt. We agree with opinions we don’t believe. And we agree to it all in the name of being loved and understood because we think pleasing others, somehow, will make us better people.

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The Daily Man-Up

January 31, 2018 | No Comments » | Topics: Man-Up |

How often have you talked with another guy who never looked you in the eye during the entire length of the conversation? Or perhaps he did meet your gaze a few times, but then his eyes shifted back to his shoes or to some point off in the distance.

I’d like to say that the ability to make good eye contact is one of the social skills a lot of young men seem to be struggling with these days, which would be true, but I’ve encountered enough gaze-averting middle-aged men to know that it’s a multi-generational problem. And actually, it’s probably something men have always struggled with—females are on average better at making and holding eye contact than males, and in fact, it’s been found that the higher the levels of testosterone a fetus is exposed to in utero, the less eye contact they make as infants—across genders. Interestingly, the exception to this rule are male babies who have the very highest levels of T; they end up being as adept at eye contact as their female counterparts—alpha babies aren’t afraid to look you in the eye!

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The Daily Man-Up

January 30, 2018 | No Comments » | Topics: Man-Up |

"We who lived in the concentration camps can remember the men who walked through the huts comforting others, giving away their last piece of bread. They may have been few in number, but they offer sufficient proof that everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms — to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way."

Man’s Search For Meaning– Viktor Frankl

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The Daily Man-Up

January 26, 2018 | No Comments » | Topics: Man-Up |

No one likes being sold to.

When I worked in real estate, I cold called people to pitch them on refinancing their mortgage.

Nearly every person who picked up the phone was annoyed. Even when my offer was potentially useful, I struggled to get anyone to hear me out.

I had way more people tell me “Fuck off!” than “Oh yes, I’m so happy you called!”

It’s because people are turned off by “salesmen”. They envision guys with ill-fitting suits trying to convince them to buy something they don’t want.

So where dating is concerned, I tell my clients: “Be the buyer, not the seller.”

This means approaching women with the mindset that YOU are choosing a compatible person for YOU. You should not be acting like a desperate salesman trying to prove that you’re good enough.

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The Daily Man-Up

January 25, 2018 | No Comments » | Topics: Man-Up |

“Impossible is just a big word thrown around by small men who find it easier to live in the world they’ve been given than to explore the power they have to change it. Impossible is not a fact. It’s an opinion… Impossible is temporary. Impossible is nothing.”

― Muhammad Ali

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The Daily Man-Up

January 24, 2018 | No Comments » | Topics: Man-Up |

We all compare ourselves to others. And if you say you don’t, you’re a liar.

Why do we do this? Why do we constantly pit ourselves against other people who aren’t us?

According to the social comparison theory, we determine our personal self-worth based on how we compare to others around us.

When we add social media into the mix with the social comparison theory, we ultimately set ourselves up for failure.

We have become so dependent on social media for our entertainment and as a doorway into others’ lives that we ignore the impact it actually has on our own lives.

Being Millennials and growing up in the Internet age, social media is as natural to us as breathing or drinking water. Often, our bodies and brains just can’t function without it.

They say ignorance is bliss, but is it really?

We have become so focused and so obsessed with creating the perfect digital versions of ourselves that we forget to nurture ourselves in the real, three-dimensional world.

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