The Daily Man-Up: Passive is The New Aggressive

January 15, 2019 | No Comments » | Topics: Man-Up |

(photo: @rawpixel)

On the surface, avoidance and non-confrontational manipulation has its merits.  It helps you to escape from being at odds with people.  By playing the “pleaser” you can garner reciprocal “back-scratching” from coworkers and people you are networking with.  In relationships, it will help you get what you want without needing to have painful conversations.  But what is the cost?

When you look a little deeper, It turns out the “Ol’ Palpy” approach to life is expensive.  Much more expensive than the payoffs, or the alternative, in fact.  First, avoiding conflict never extinguishes conflict.  It only delays it.  And in being avoidant you actually inflame the issue at hand, so that when it comes to the surface, the situation becomes more dramatic than it needs to be.  Second, “pleasing” always breeds resentment.  The yes-man always feels ripped off because his true feelings are never heard.  And the people being manipulated always feel cheated because they feel like they never have a choice in the matter at hand.  Third, passive/avoidant types usually have bad tempers.  This is because a) their feelings are always bottled up, and b) they become trapped in situations they can’t get out of because they don’t want to step on any toes.  Fourth, this type of guy usually ends up feeling isolated.  When your goal is to avoid conflict you can hardly ever connect to anyone deeply-because that would require a level of vulnerability that is uncomfortable and risky.  Also, “nice guys” tend to be anxious, because they spend so much energy on trying to make everyone around them happy.


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The Daily Man-Up: Habits Are The Compound Interest Of Self‐Improvement.

January 14, 2019 | No Comments » | Topics: Man-Up |

Habits are the compound interest of self‐improvement. The same way that money multiplies through compound interest, the effects of your habits multiply as you repeat them. They seem to make little difference on any given day and yet the impact they deliver over the months and years can be enormous. It is only when looking back two, five, or perhaps ten years later that the value of good habits and the cost of bad ones becomes strikingly apparent.

This can be a difficult concept to appreciate in daily life. We often dismiss small changes because they don’t seem to matter very much in the moment. If you save a little money now, you’re still not a millionaire. If you go to the gym three days in a row, you’re still out of shape. If you study Mandarin for an hour tonight, you still haven’t learned the language. We make a few changes, but the results never seem to come quickly and so we slide back into our previous routines. Unfortunately, the slow pace of transformation also makes it easy to let a bad habit slide. If you eat an unhealthy meal today, the scale doesn’t move much. If you work late tonight and ignore your family, they will forgive you. If you procrastinate and put yourproject off until tomorrow, there will usually be time to finish it later. A single decision is easy to dismiss.


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The Daily Man-Up: The Obstacle Is The Way

January 11, 2019 | No Comments » | Topics: Man-Up |

This thing in front of you. This issue. This obstacle—this frustrating, unfortunate, problematic, unexpected problem preventing you from doing what you want to do. That thing you dread or secretly hope will never happen. What if it wasn’t so bad?

What if embedded inside it or inherent in it were certain benefits—benefits only for you? What would you do? What do you think most people would do?

Probably what they’ve always done, and what you are doing right now: nothing.

Let’s be honest: Most of us are paralyzed. Whatever our individual goals, most of us sit frozen before the many obstacles that lie ahead of us.

We wish it weren’t true, but it is.

What blocks us is clear. Systemic: decaying institutions, rising unemployment, skyrocketing costs of education, and technological disruption. Individual: too short, too old, too scared, too poor, too stressed, no access, no backers, no confidence. How skilled we are at cataloging what holds us back!

Every obstacle is unique to each of us. But the responses they elicit are the same: Fear. Frustration. Confusion. Helplessness. Depression. Anger.


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The Daily Man-Up

January 10, 2019 | No Comments » | Topics: Man-Up |

Think about the last time you walked by a beautiful woman and did nothing about it. Your imagination filled with dreams of what it’d be like to see her smile, to touch her, to bed her – but you did absolutely nothing to make any of this a reality.

She kept walking right on by. And in that moment, a part of you died as a man.

You felt your desire clearly. You wanted her. But your fear overcame your honesty. “I’m not enough!” you shouted to yourself. And in that pain and fear, you failed to act. You failed to exercise your masculine drive to penetrate the world.

You’re not alone in these feelings. All men feel them at times. Many men believe what these feelings say, and accept that they’re too unattractive, too poor, too short or “not the right type” for the women they desire.

But these are all lies!

You will only know the truth in the moment you go after her.

Do whatever you have to do. Make yourself known to her. March over to her and plant your two feet in front of her and speak your truth!

(Never forget this fact: you are here, today, because of thousands upon thousands of ancestors who summoned the bravery to approach the women they wanted. Picture all those thousands of ancestors cheering you on. The men of your family have a long history of success with women, and you are here to perpetuate your family name.)


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The Daily Man-Up: Overcoming The Need To Be Liked

January 9, 2019 | No Comments » | Topics: Man-Up |


There are way too many opinions and too many voices in this world. However, have you ever considered that you don’t have to pay mind to everything?

Silence can be a gift, and you need wisdom to know when it is necessary. Sometimes, we have to let go of everything we hear and go on with our lives, not caring about what other people might think about us.

Ultimately, your opinion of yourself is the only thing that should be able to make or break your day, your mood, your drive, your image and your life. How you see yourself will determine your limit and how much you get out of life.

When I was a teenager, I harbored much insecurity. I handled it by being a wallflower, hiding behind the shadows of strong, opinionated people.

I was never one who raised his hand to answer or volunteer for activities, or even approach a stranger to make friends. Back then, putting gel in my hair or wearing brand new shoes felt like challenges; I was afraid of what people would think of me.


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The Daily Man-Up: Make Your Bed

January 8, 2019 | No Comments » | Topics: Man-Up |

I have been a Navy SEAL for 36 years. But it all began when I left UT for Basic SEAL training in Coronado, California. Basic SEAL training is six months of long torturous runs in the soft sand, midnight swims in the cold water off San Diego, obstacles courses, unending calisthenics, days without sleep and always being cold, wet and miserable. It is six months of being constantly harrassed by professionally trained warriors who seek to find the weak of mind and body and eliminate them from ever becoming a Navy SEAL.

But, the training also seeks to find those students who can lead in an environment of constant stress, chaos, failure and hardships. To me basic SEAL training was a lifetime of challenges crammed into six months.

So, here are the 10 lessons I learned from basic SEAL training that hopefully will be of value to you as you move forward in life.

Every morning in basic SEAL training, my instructors, who at the time were all Vietnam veterans, would show up in my barracks room and the first thing they would inspect was your bed. If you did it right, the corners would be square, the covers pulled tight, the pillow centered just under the headboard and the extra blanket folded neatly at the foot of the rack — that’s Navy talk for bed.

It was a simple task — mundane at best. But every morning we were required to make our bed to perfection. It seemed a little ridiculous at the time, particularly in light of the fact that were aspiring to be real warriors, tough battle-hardened SEALs, but the wisdom of this simple act has been proven to me many times over.


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The Daily Man-Up: What Self-Respect Really Means

January 7, 2019 | No Comments » | Topics: Man-Up |

(photo: @timbog80)

Respect is an overlooked and misunderstood idea in the pursuit of being an attractive man. Growing up, parents and teachers repeatedly told us to respect others. Because of this, a lot of us became obsessed with pleasing everyone else while forgetting ourselves. Our self-respect was pushed to second place.

So we try our hardest to respect women, but that alone doesn’t give us the dating life we want. That frustration leads us to believe we need to be douchebags to become Casanovas. It’s a myth perpetuated by insecure men.

Instead, know this: women sense your lack of self-respect. They can tell when you don’t fully trust, love, and believe in who you are in all aspects of your life. They can feel that your interest is from desperation rather than a genuine desire to know them.

A quality woman is attracted to a man who respects himself first and foremost.

Respect your boundaries. No one can take advantage of you unless you allow it. Too many guys let others walk all over them because they think they’ll be more likeable. However, people will value you less when they realize you’re spineless and easily manipulated. Understand your limits and learn to politely (yet firmly) say “no”.


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The Daily Man-Up: True Confidence

January 4, 2019 | No Comments » | Topics: Man-Up |

(photo: @jeremyperkins)

How attractive a man is, is proportional to his True Confidence. The more True Confidence he has, the more attractive he will appear to women, on average. The less True Confidence he has, the less attractive he will appear to women, on average.

Women don’t judge a man’s status by the car he drives or how many VIP tables he pays for. They judge his status by his behavior, and the behavioral trait they pick up on is what I refer to as True Confidence.

True Confidence infiltrates all behaviors. The lack of True Confidence also infiltrates all behaviors. It defines and resonates in everything you say and do, the way you stand, the way you smile, the people you associate with, the car you drive, the wine you drink, the jacket you wear.

Confidence itself isn’t new in relationship advice or social dynamics. It’s kind of a catch-all term to signify everything that makes someone sure of themselves. Its meaning is murky and most people don’t really know how to describe it unless they see it.

Women, in particular, are notorious for doling out the banal advice, “Just be confident,” as if that actually meant something.

But here I will be clear in my definition of True Confidence: being less invested in other people’s perceptions of you than your perception of yourself. Let me say that again:

True Confidence is being less invested in other people’s perceptions of you than in your perception of yourself.


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The Daily Man-Up: The Beginners Guide To Goal Setting

January 3, 2019 | No Comments » | Topics: Man-Up |

Setting goals is a fundamental component to long-term success. The basic reason for this is that you can’t get where you are trying to go until you clearly define where that is. Research studies show a direct link between goals and enhanced performance in business. Goals help you focus and allocate your time and resources efficiently, and they can keep you motivated when you feel like giving up.

1. Think about the “big picture.

Ask yourself some important questions about what you want for your life. The answers to this question can be as general as “I want to be happy,” or “I want to help people,” or “I want to be fit.”


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The Daily Man-Up

January 2, 2019 | No Comments » | Topics: Man-Up |

“Whatever happened to our dreams?

The infinite possibilities each day holds should stagger the mind. The sheer number of experiences I could have is uncountable, breathtaking, and I’m sitting here refreshing my inbox. We live trapped in loops, reliving a few days over and over, and we envision only a handful of paths laid out ahead of us. We see the same things each day, we respond the same way, we think the same thoughts, each day a slight variation on the last, every moment smoothly following the gentle curves of societal norms. We act like if we just get through today, tomorrow our dreams will come back to us. And no, I don’t have all the answers. I don’t know how to jolt myself into seeing what each moment could become. But I do know one thing: the solution doesn’t involve watering down my every little idea and creative impulse for the sake of someday easing my fit into a mold. It doesn’t involve tempering my life to better fit someone’s expectations. It doesn’t involve constantly holding back for fear of shaking things up. This is very important, so I want to say it as clearly as I can:


― Randall Munroe

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