Man-Up

The Daily Man-Up

May 11, 2017 | 1 Comment » | Topics: Man-Up |

Every man seeks the answer to the eternal question:

“How do I become confident?”

And for most, they’re asking the wrong question. They should be saying:

“How do I love myself more?”

Before you think I’m spouting some new age fluff, hear me out.

Confidence is not something you instantly acquire. It’s not a simple on and off switch or a few lines you can memorize. It’s not about getting laid, acting “alpha”, or anything external. It is an internal belief about yourself that must be cultivated over time. That begins with your self-esteem.

Wikipedia defines self-esteem as:

“A term used in psychology to reflect a person’s overall emotional evaluation of his or her own worth.” (Source)

In other words, do you love who you are? Do you trust in yourself? Do you prioritize your needs? Do you invest in yourself regularly? Do you respect your opinions? Are you congruent with your values and principles?

When faced with various situations in life that challenge the above, there are two paths you can take. One leads you to a life of fulfillment, the other leads to endless suffering. 

Fear and avoidance: the path to misery

Men with low self-esteem often choose the wrong path. They don’t realize how much damage they’re doing by perpetuating a cycle of frustration and unhappiness.

  1. You choose not to love yourself. You subdue your needs, wants, and desires. You hide or lie about your opinions. You avoid pushing your comfort zone out of fear. You always act how you think other people will want rather than what you want.
  2. You receive internal destructive feedback. You feel like a failure for not trying and beat yourself up about it. You’re ashamed of yourself. You feel weak and powerless. You make excuses. You’re always left wondering what could have happened and over-analyzing.
  3. You subconsciously reinforce that you aren’t worthy and lower your self-esteem. You build beliefs that no one will like the real you. You think you are not worthy of being loved. You keep burying your core and lose the sense of who you are. You fail to trust in your abilities. You’re convinced that you will never get what you want. You re-affirm that you’re a failure who can never change.

The cycle keeps repeating and gaining power over you. You are creating a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Check out the rest of the article at Nick Notas

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The Daily Man-Up

May 10, 2017 | 1 Comment » | Topics: Man-Up |

TRUTH is the rock foundation of every great character. It is loyalty to the right as we see it; it is courageous living of our lives in harmony with our ideals; it is always—power.

Truth ever defies full definition. Like electricity it can only be explained by noting its manifestation. It is the compass of the soul, the guardian of conscience, the final touchstone of right. Truth is the revelation of the ideal; but it is also an inspiration to realize that ideal, a constant impulse to live it.

Lying is one of the oldest vices in the world—it made its debut in the first recorded conversation in history, in a famous interview in the garden of Eden. Lying is the sacrifice of honor to create a wrong impression. It is masquerading in misfit virtues. Truth can stand alone, for it needs no chaperone or escort. Lies are cowardly, fearsome things that must travel in battalions. They are like a lot of drunken men, one vainly seeking to support another. Lying is the partner and accomplice of all the other vices.

Truth is the oldest of all the virtues; it antedated man, it lived before there was man to perceive it or to accept it. It is the unchangeable, the constant. Law is the eternal truth of Nature—the unity that always produces identical results under identical conditions. When a man discovers a great truth in Nature he has the key to the understanding of a million phenomena; when he grasps a great truth in morals he has in it the key to his spiritual re-creation.

For the individual, there is no such thing as theoretic truth; a great truth that is not absorbed by our whole mind and life, and has not become an inseparable part of our living, is not a real truth to us. If we know the truth and do not live it, our life is—a lie.

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The Daily Man-Up

May 9, 2017 | No Comments » | Topics: Man-Up |

Think about this for a moment: Why would you ever choose to be with someone who is not excited to be with you?

There’s a grey area in dating many people get hung up on — a grey area where feelings are ambiguous or one person has stronger feelings than the other. This grey area causes real, tangible issues. As a man, a huge question is often whether to be persistent and continue pursuing a woman even when she seems lukewarm or hot/cold on your advances. For women, a common question is what to do with men who make their feelings ambiguous.

“She said she’s not interested, but she still flirts with me, so what do I need to do to get her?”
“Well, I know she likes me, but she didn’t call me back last weekend, what should I do?”
“He treats me well when he’s around, but he’s hardly around. What does that mean?”

Most dating advice exists to “solve” this grey area for people. Say this line. Text her this. Call him this many times. Wear that.

Much of it gets exceedingly analytical, to the point where some men and women actually spend more time analyzing behaviors than actually, you know, behaving.

Frustration with this grey area also drives many people to unnecessary manipulation, drama and game-playing. This is where you get rules about making men pay for this many dates before you can become intimate. Or how men need to transition from attraction phase to comfort phase by qualifying three times before they’re allowed to commence an escalation ladder.

These things may seem clever and exciting to some people who are stuck or frustrated. But this dating advice misses the point. If you’re in the grey area to begin with, you’ve already lost.

Let me ask again: Why would you ever be excited to be with someone who is not excited to be with you? If they’re not happy with you now, what makes you think they’ll be happy to be with you later? Why do you make an effort to convince someone to date you when they make no effort to convince you?

What does that say about you? That you believe you need to convince people to be with you?

Check out the rest of the article at Mark Manson

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The Daily Man-Up

May 5, 2017 | No Comments » | Topics: Man-Up |

It’s becoming more and more apparent that each man has the same amount of control over his life; be it his present or his destiny. This control comes in the form of a decision: how we react to the events, good and bad, that occur in our lives. Strong men choose to see hardship not as a curse, but as a worthy challenge. They choose to control what they can, and understand that what they can’t control is simply fortune working as she does in the lives of all men.

The weak man chooses to see the hardships that come into his life as a curse, as things that happen to him out of some form of celestial spite, and rather than working hard and acting with self-reliance, he pouts and cries and curses the world that has cursed him.

It’s important to understand the power you hold over your life, which is the power to react to whatever happens however you like. I urge you to react as the warrior does, not as the coward tends to.

If only” is the phrase of the coward.

“If only I were taller, smarter, better-looking, richer, tougher, happier, more talented.” “If only” is the phrase of the coward.

If only is dependent on things being not as they are, and things being as they are is a matter of perspective. We each have something to offer, and if we lack talent or natural ability, pure hard work can make up for anything.

Never say the words “if only”. Things are the way they are and only the coward “wishes” them to be different.

Man up and do something about your circumstances. YOU hold the power over your life, don’t give up that power by uttering those two useless words.

Check out the rest of the article at Chad Howse

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The Daily Man-Up

May 4, 2017 | 1 Comment » | Topics: Man-Up |

We live in a generation of angry young men. Men who harbor massive resentment towards women and blame them for their romantic shortcomings. But is that even fair?

You claim that women use and lead you on. That your time is disrespected. You always get friend zoned for no reason. You go online and make grand statements such as, “Women only date assholes”. Then you tell yourself, “This is why I don’t even try in the first place.”

I get it. You’re frustrated by a lack of success, and it hurts.

But maybe you should be pointing the finger at yourself. You let it happen. If you continually allow yourself to be disrespected, then you are to blame. It’s your job to prevent that from occurring or stop it when it does.

Let’s get proactive and break down why you feel used by women:

You expect them to sleep with you by just being there

“I was so nice to her. I listened to all her problems. I treated her with respect! And what do I get out of it? Her telling me that I’m an amazing friend while she sleeps with some other guy. What a biatch.”

Are you even listening to yourself? Do you know how manipulative you sound? You’re admitting that you expected her to have sex with you simply because you spent time with her. You were doing all these “friendly” gestures with strings attached.

Think of a girl in your lifetime that you had zero romantic feelings for. Maybe a co-worker or school friend you weren’t attracted to. If she hung around you and then automatically expected you to hook up with her, how would you feel? Would you sleep with her just because she was nice to you? I don’t think so.

Accept that attraction is an emotion which requires more than just standing around. The only time a girl is supposed to sleep with you is when she’s ready. And she’ll never be ready until she sees you in a sexual light.

Check out the rest of the article at Nick Notas

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The Daily Man-Up

May 3, 2017 | 1 Comment » | Topics: Man-Up |

Your boss consistently asks you at the last minute to come into work on the weekend. You say “yes” every time even though you have family plans. You stew with resentment as you pore over TPS reports on a Saturday.

You order an expensive steak at a restaurant, but when the waiter brings it to you it’s way over-cooked. When he asks, “How is everything?” you respond, “Fine,” while you glumly saw your charred hunk of meat. 

You want to take a jiu-jitsu class, but you don’t think your wife will be too happy with you spending an hour or two every week away from your family, so don’t you even mention the idea to her.

Your neighbor lets his dogs bark all night, and it’s keeping you from sleep. Instead of talking to him about it, you bad-mouth him to your friends on Facebook.

If any of these situations hits close to home, then you’re likely one of the legions of men who suffer from “Nice Guy Syndrome” – a set of personality, attitude, and behavioral traits described by Dr. Robert Glover, author of No More Mr. Nice Guy.

Nice Guys take a passive approach to life and relationships. Instead of standing up for themselves, they let others walk all over them. They’re pushovers and perennial People Pleasers. Nice Guys have a hard time saying no to requests — even unreasonable ones. They’re considerate to a fault. When they want or need something, they’re afraid to ask for it because they don’t want to inconvenience others. Nice Guys also avoid conflict like the plague. They’d rather get along than get ahead.

At first blush, Nice Guys seem like saints. They appear generous, flexible, and extremely polite. But if you scratch beneath the surface, you’ll often find a helpless, anxious, and resentful core. Nice Guys are often filled with anxiety because their self-worth depends on the approval of others and getting everyone to like them. They waste a lot of time trying to figure out how to say no to people and even then, often end up still saying yes, because they can’t go through with it. They don’t feel they can go after their true desires, because they’re locked into doing what others say they should do. Because “go with the flow” is their default approach to life, Nice Guys have little control over their lives and consequently feel helpless, shiftless, and stuck. They’re also typically resentful and vindictive because their unspoken needs aren’t being met and they feel like others are always taking advantage of them – even though they’re the ones who allow it to happen.

In worst-case scenarios, the Nice Guy’s pent-up resentment from being pushed around will result in unexpected outbursts of anger and violence. He’s a volcano waiting to erupt….

Check out the rest of the article at The Art Of Manliness

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The Daily Man-Up

May 2, 2017 | No Comments » | Topics: Man-Up |

I was talking with a friend the other day who told me about a struggle he was having in his relationship with his girlfriend. He’s been dating her about a year and really likes her a lot. He would like to see things work out between them, but he was feeling some anxiety about bringing up a subject that seemed to be hanging over the relationship.

As we spoke, I mentioned that nothing would change in his relationship, and perhaps in his life in general, until he stepped up and dealt with the issue that was stressing him. He knew what I was saying was true, but it caused him a lot of anxiety to broach the subject and have a conversation. He feared that bringing up the issue might really hurt his girlfriend and even possibly end their relationship.

I just received an email from my friend thanking me for my advice and stating that he and his girlfriend just had the deepest conversation they had ever had. He faced his sticking point and gave his relationship a chance to move forward. At the same time, by facing his fears in this way, he also removed a glass ceiling that would have prevented him from moving ahead in life in general.

This is how life works. We continuously bump into various sticking points that cause us frustration, anxiety, fear, guilt, etc. Until we step up and consciously deal with them, nothing ever changes.

No matter what our sticking points are, we can’t rise any higher in life until we clear those hurdles. Period.

It doesn’t matter if your sticking point is an addiction, an unresolved relationship issue, deprivation thinking, financial irresponsibility, a family issue, or fear in general, you can only rise as high as that particular glass ceiling will permit.

Here’s the clincher: avoiding one particular issue – getting stuck, or spinning your wheels doing the same ineffective thing over and over – will have a generalized effect on every other area of your life. For example, failing to deal with an addiction to online pron will limit your relationships, your career, and your financial well-being. You can only rise as high in life and your current glass ceiling will allow.

Here’s the other clincher: life is filled with these sticking points. You will keep bumping into them until the day you die. The freedom that comes from successfully challenging a sticking point in your life will eventually lead to a new glass ceiling caused by a new sticking point.
It never ends.

This may sound kind of gloomy, but it really isn’t. Every time you successfully challenge one sticking point, you add new tools to your toolbox that will come in handy in dealing with the next. Just as importantly, you also gain the self-confidence that comes from knowing that you’ve handled difficult issues in the past and that you can handle whatever life brings you in the future. This is what they call “The School of Hard Knocks.”….

Read the rest of the article at Dr Glover’s website

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The Daily Man-Up

April 20, 2017 | No Comments » | Topics: Man-Up |

“When I come out I have supreme confidence. But I’m scared to death. I’m afraid. I’m afraid of everything. I’m afraid of losing. I’m afraid of being humiliated. But I’m confident. The closer I get to the ring the more confident I get. The closer, the more confident. All during training I’ve been afraid of this man. I think this man might be capable of beating me. I’ve dreamed of him beating me. For that I’ve always stayed afraid of him. The closer I get to the ring the more confident I get. Once I’m in the ring I’m a god. No one could beat me. I walk around the ring but I never take my eyes off my opponent….During the fight I’m supremely confident. I’m making him miss and I’m countering. I’m hitting him to the body; I’m punching him real hard. And I’m punching him, and I’m punching him, and I know he’s gonna take my punches. He goes down, he’s out. I’m victorious. Mike Tyson, greatest fighter that ever lived.”

        — Mike Tyson

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