Story

Your WTF Story Of The Day

March 8, 2012 | No Comments » | Topics: Story, WTF |

wtf duck story

I grew up on a farm we had over 300 animals chickens turkeys. geese rabbits, goats, sheep…and ducks. This story is about ducks. We had 15 ducks. 14 were big black ones, Cayuga, I think, and one blonde duck. whom I called Rocky. Rocky was always bullied by the other ducks (they were all male) they would sometimes ”jump on top of him" and "beat him up". My parents hadn’t ever talked about the birds and bees with me. I didn’t understand that some male animals will mount another for dominance it just looked like they were beating Rocky up. They would make him eat food last, sometimes I would chase them away and let Rocky eat, he was much smaller than the others. I was raised on a lot of comic books and shiet, I always root for the underdog. defender of the weak, like Batman. Did I mention I was about 9 or 10? So one day I get fed up with how bad the other ducks treat Rocky for no reason. One night my parents went to bed early. I put on my ninja outfit. I snuck out quietly. And with these same hands I tell this story, I held down all 14 of those bully ducks in the dark making sure Rocky "beat up" every one, he even got some of them twice.
I forgot about it, as I told no one, until a decade later, when I knew about prison rape and what not. Oh my god. I thought. I was an accomplice to DUCK ANAL RAPE.

That’s not the best part.

They NEVER fcuked with Rocky again. He was the alpha duck, he ate first, he led the line they walked in. he quacks, they shaddup. I just acted like a mild-mannered farrnboy, I knew of no ninja vigilante. I really felt good after that. knowing I had made a small difference in a ducks life. Years later I would stay awake in horror at the ramifications of what my alter-ego had done.

(via)

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Need Some Of Your Faith In Humanity Restored? Check Out This Awesome Story

February 1, 2012 | No Comments » | Topics: Awesomeness, Story |

This happened on TAM airlines.

A 50-something year old white woman arrived at her seat and saw that the passenger next to her was a black man. Visibly furious, she called the air hostess.

"What’s the problem, ma?" the hostess asked her
"Can’t you see?" the lady said – "I was given a seat next to a black man. I can’t seat here next to him. You have to change my seat"

– "Please, calm down, ma" – said the hostess
"Unfortunately, all the seats are occupied, but I’m still going to check if we have any."

The hostess left and returned some minutes later.

"Madam, as I told you, there isn’t any empty seat in this class- economy class.
But I spoke to the captain and he confirmed that there isn’t any empty seats in the economy class. We only have seats in the first class."

And before the woman said anything, the hostess continued

"Look, it is unusual for our company to allow a passenger from the economy class change to the first class.
However, given the circumstances, the commandant thinks that it would be a scandal to make a passenger travel sat next to an unpleasant person."

And turning to the black man, the hostess said:

"Which means, Sir, if you would be so nice to pack your handbag, we have reserved you a seat in the first class…"

And all the passengers nearby, who were shocked to see the scene started applauding, some standing on their feet."

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The Best Tattoo Idea in the World

December 28, 2011 | No Comments » | Topics: Funny Pictures, Story |

Here’s a pretty damn awesome video of some tattoo artist recounting a time when a client asked her to sketch up his awesomely bad tattoo idea. When you tattoo includes a stallion, a griffin, a bald eagles head, an American flag and a light shading of an Indian warrior’s face you’re bound for greatness.

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Another Awesome Story Inspired By Crap And Diarrhea

November 30, 2011 | 2 Comments » | Topics: Funny Pictures, Story |

poop story

At work drank coffee for the first time that morning
drank three cups to make sure it worked
suddenly my stomach feels like someone has filled it with dirt and is trying to make a balloon animal with it
literally feel the shiet straining against my rectum, as if it was possessed by some sort of demon and wanted freedom from its thousand year prison
have to walk all the way down the hall with my ass and thighs clenched tightly
by the time I get to the bathroom. Fm sweating profusely and grunting loudly with every step
go to the nearest stall notice there is someone in the stall next to it. but idgaf
yank down shorts and attempt to slam my ass onto the toilet seat
ass slips off due to the slickness caused by my ass sweat fall off, one of my arms goes into the toilet, my ass slips under the stall divider cant control it
shiet actually explodes out of my ass. covering the entire stall
its occupant starts screaming I start screaming in return.
but I can’t fcuking stop goes on for about half a minute.
shiet erupting from my ass forcefully the entire time finally it dies down,
ass still sputtering and oozing a bit person rushes out of the stall, almost slips on the shiet. and then dashes out of the bathroom
lie on the ground for five or tens minutes, just trying to recover finally.
get up and look in the stall to inspect the damage it is completely lined with shiet.
you can even making out the outline of the previous occupant against the wall there is a huge gooey pile where my ass was sticking through.
probably weighed at least five pounds wipe my ass fast as I can, still takes a long time
terrified someone would walk in at any moment

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Bert ‘THE MACHINE’ Kreischer Recalls His Russian Mafia Story…You Need To Listen To THIS!

November 29, 2011 | No Comments » | Topics: Funny Pictures, Story |

Holy Fcuk! Bert Kreischer is a god among men and can tell a Russian Mafia story like it’s no one’s business. It’s 11 minutes of solid story telling and even though I have the attention span of a gnat, I had my ears, eyes and mind glued to the screen for the entire time. Do yourself a service and listen to the damn thing.

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True Story, Bro

November 29, 2011 | 2 Comments » | Topics: Story |

true story

Alnght, so I’m 16 (as most of you know) and (much like most teenagers) I was speeding (I was going like 85 in a 40). Anyway so I get pulled over. I’m like FCUK! (because my parents said if I got a speeding ticket then I wouldn’t be driving for a long time). Anyway the cop comes up to my car, and he did the typical "Do you know how fast you were going" and here’s my response "Yes, I was going 85, I’m really sorry, but my grandmother is in the hospital and I have to hurry!" (I was really hoping he wouldn’t say what he said) then he said "Okay, I’ll take you to the hospital" so I’m following this police car going like 85 mlles an hour and he takes me to the nearest hospital. I park and get out and start to kinda jog to the door. Then (this is the part where I was like "FUUCK!") he gets out and comes in with me to see my grandmother (who actually isn’t in the hospital). So I think really quickly and I’m like… Hm…. what disease can my grandmother have that would make it so she wouldn’t remember me. Alzhiemers! So I go up to the front desk and I’m like "Where are the Alzhiemers patients? (trying to sound in a rush) so the lady tells me and I start jogging towards the elevator and I head up to where the alzhiemers patients are. I run into some random room and I’m like "Grandma!" and she’s like "Who are you?" and I try to start fake crying and I’m like "Her memory is almost gone…" and then the cop leaves, I leave, and get home without a ticket. Like I said… I’m probably going to hell.

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The Friend Zone Is Beatable! Here’s One Guy’s Story On How He Overcame That Vortex Of Doom

November 15, 2011 | 3 Comments » | Topics: Dating, Story |

success baby

(via)

It was september 2010, my first year in college and I am a computer science major. In one of my programming classes there was a rather attractive female, ill call her HB10, who was really passionate about programming. This was a fcuking turn on for me. I started talking to her and we quickly became study partners. I would text her almost daily. This was a big mistake. I think she was into me nonetheless. I finally got the balls to invite her over to my place to study instead of the library. She fcuking set up camp on my bed. I sat at my desk like an IDIOT. Didnt make a move. Sat there imagining hooking up with her. I had only made out with one other girl which is a funny fcukkkking afc story, but i digress.

(more…)

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How Awesome Is Charles Bukowski’s Hangover Story?

November 4, 2011 | 2 Comments » | Topics: Story |

Charles Bukowski is a man amongst men, a writer, a poet, a drunk, a womanizer, a man who tells it like it is and pulls no punches. Listen to his hangover story and be in awe of the awesomeness that is Charles Bukowski.

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For All The Aspiring Pickup Artist Out There, This Story Will Put A Smile On Your Aspirations

October 28, 2011 | 9 Comments » | Topics: Dating, Story |

awesome pickup story

(via)

I’m in a town I’ve never been to. I had to go to FedEx and found myself standing at the stop light waiting to cross. This girl asked if I knew how to get a taxi and I said, “Oh, I’m not from here.” I was going to just keep walking, but there was something there. I don’t know, it must have been me eyeing her up and down. She’s part Lebanese and Italian. She has Olive skin and green eyes. WAY OUT OF MY LEAGUE. But instead of being a little biatch and just awkwardly walking away I introduced myself and then said, “You know what? Follow me, I’ll find us a Taxi. I need to get somewhere too.”

I flagged down a taxi and we both got in. I made some jokes about both of us being foreigners to the city and then the guy who was driving us got upset because we got stuck in traffic, I said, “Oh, don’t worry about it man. I’m totally cool with being stuck in a car with a hot girl.” She shot me a smile and I said, “Hey do you think I could convince you to go to dinner with me tonight?” She was hesitant but then I said, “What do you have to lose, really? I mean it’s not like you have anything to actually do tonight, right?” She said yes and we were on our way. I let her change in my hotel room and I got showered and she dressed UP and we went to dinner. I treated her, we talked, we moved from superficial things to talking about our families and our lives. I asked her to tell me a secret and she ended up doing so. I made fun of her for being so nervous around me. We had a really good back and forth energy. I would make fun of her and then talk about something. I asked her about herself, and then she asked about me. I joked that she was actually a con artist and that she was seducing me at dinner so her con artist friends could break into my room and steal all of my clothes. And when we went back to get her stuff, she was going to stab me in the back with a syringe and as I was falling asleep, she would kiss me and the last thing I would see is her saying goodbye.

When we finished up at dinner she grabbed my hand and we walked up to my room. Everything was PERFECTLY set up. When we got inside she stood next to my bed and I said, “Can we skip the part where you stab me in the neck with a syringe?” she smiled and kissed me. I held her wrists in case she was a crazy murderess. But it turns out she wasn’t.

All of this JUST happened so excuse my rush. It was amazing and she is a really freaking awesome person. Thank you seddit. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Cliffnotes: Met a girl way out of my league, took her out, got past all the stupid awkward obstacles and ended up making out with her. She really really likes me.

UPDATES

She texted me last night when she got home. I forgot to mention that she was about to rape me, but had a 2 hour drive home and work early in the morning. She was in town because she spent the weekend with her friends and had left her car in another town over. Her message to me last night when she got home was filled with, “<3 <3 <3 <3” and “Thank you so much. You are so fcuking wonderful.” and other girly shiet like that. She wants to fly out to my state to see things. I’m freaking floored. I have no idea how this girl who is easily a 9 on my scale would want me. I’m seriously just this dorky, nerdy Asian engineer who sits around playing videogames and shiet all day long. She is half lebanese, half italian and has gigantic doe eyes that are green and a body that r/xsmall would murder me for. She’s basically some idealistic version of what I pretend I deserve. Whatever the case, I’m not going to question this shiet.

 

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The Weekend Is Over But The Blacked Out Drunk Memories Will Last Forever…Here Are A Few Awesome Recollections

October 16, 2011 | 2 Comments » | Topics: Awesomeness, Funny Pictures, Story |

passed out drunk

(via)

Doing shots at last call at a bar. Hammered. Guy asks me and 3 friends to go to a strip club after last call. Time passes, we buy a case and consume more beers on the way to said strip club. Get to strip club. Forget why I am there. Brown out. Come out of brown out to a stripper sitting on my lap giving me a beer and hot dog I didn’t pay for. Brown out again, come to heckling the strip club DJ with my friend. Brown out yet again ensues, come to in a Denny’s 6 miles from my house with pancakes in front of me. Black the fcuk out. Wake up in the remains of my roommates bed (I somehow shattered the frame) covered in Mardi gras beads with a stolen handicap parking sign on the floor next to me. Stay in school kids.

 

Woke up in Seattle (I live on Vancouver Island, in Canada).
The night before I got just about to the point where I blacked out, proceeded to do some hippie flips at a forest party (hippie flips are a cocktail of ecstasy and mushrooms).
So, I ditched the ex-girlfriend without her knowledge, apparently hopped in a car with a group of chicks from the states, proceeded to fall asleep on one of their laps in the back of their car, and drove across the island, was on the ferry where I apparently woke up and was quite coherent, and then proceeded to get back in the car, fall asleep all the way across the boarder. No one woke me up and the next morning I woke up in a really nice house in Seattle.
No one in the house except one of the girls room mates. He laughs. We Get baked and play Halo all day till the girl comes back from work, I have no ID so I hide in the backseat under some blankets like a little mexican later that evening and get smuggled back to Canada. Once I get home, everyone thought I got eaten by a bear/cougar and are mildly relieved to see me.

 

I went out drinking one night, the last thing I remember is getting a beer at an after bar party. I woke up on the porch with a road cone under my arm and a sweatshirt as a pillow. The sweatshirt had the name Allie on it. I don’t know an Allie.

 

I’m from Miami and I got really drunk on the beach one night and passed out. Woke up at around 5 or 6 am with a couple of bums who apparently had found me spread eagled below the high tide line and carried me to safety. They were super nice and I got us all breakfast afterwards.

 

Went out drinking one evening with some friends and (so I’m told) left with a pretty nice looking girl to accompany her back to her place.
The only thing I remember is blacking out in the middle of drinking straight from a bottle of whiskey and waking up alone. I went to explore, not recalling how I got there, and found an empty apartment, save for a stove and fridge. The fridge had a bottle of wine and some mustard in it.
Upon further inspection, the mattress I’d woken on had no blankets and was just laying in the middle of the clean, but empty floor. I booked it out of there, found a gas station, and called a buddy of mine. After some more investigating, I found out I was about 3-4 hours away from my starting destination.
Good ending, though. I don’t have any STDs or missing organs from the incident and none of my stuff was stolen! Hurrah! Still, never saw the girl again and nobody knew her from the party. She was a ‘friend of a friend’ or something.

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