Story

It’s Stories Like These, That Make Me Feel Better About Myself

September 22, 2011 | No Comments » | Topics: Funny Pictures, Story |

fart

About half an hour ago, i farted. Sitting at my computer as i do most of the time, this is something i’ve grown used to, but this fart really f* stank. Seriously, it was like eleven dead animals with shiet mixed in. I was sick and tired of having farts smell so terrible. But did i do what the sensible person would do, and get up and wait for it to disperse, perhaps taking with me the resolution to change my diet to better influence my smells? No, i did not. I took what i considered to be the alternative route.

I stuck a mint up my ass.

I figured that, since it dissolves in saliva, my ass would server a fair job of dissolving it, thus lining the end of my colon with a nice minty extract and making my farts the kind that goirls would like to make out with. Somewhere along the line, however, it apparently didn’t work out the way dissplvet mint would be absorbed into the walls.

Anyway, around 20 minutes passed, and i had to fart again. Being of a scientific mind, i decided this would be where i’d prove of disprove my hypothesis, so i let her rip.

Oh god. It wasn’t a fart. It was a fcuking butt sneeze.

The mint had been dissolved, that much was clear. But what was left was spearmint jelly mixed with shiet, and it was all over my boxers and running down my leg as i ran to the bathroom. I cleaned up my boxers as best i could, scrubbed my leg, and tossed the underwear in the wash. So overall an embarrasing experience, and one i wouldn’t want to relive.

However, it was worth the noting:
That shiet jelly smelled fcuking awesome.

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Holy Crap! How Awesome Is This Story About Being Socially Awkward

September 14, 2011 | 3 Comments » | Topics: Funny Pictures, Story |

pet rock

This was freshmen year of college and jesus fcuk I should really be making a throwaway account for this but fcuk it. It was a thursday night and I was drinking in a room with some girls I randomly met at dinner at the dining hall in a dorm across campus. I was flirting with a cute blond girl and she started tickling me while I was taking a sip of beer. I chocked on the beer but didn’t want to spit up in her face so I used all my will power to stop my fcuking coughing instantly but in the process I had let out a small nugget of shiet. Thank god I was wearing jeans because the nugget remained balanced on the side of my shoe. I told the girl I had to go to the bathroom and shuffled out like drunk zoidberg sweating like crazy from nervousness. Halfway down the hall she calls out to me and said I dropped something, fcuk. I see my dark brown nugget of shiet a few feet behind me and her walking towards me. I did the only thing I could think of doing and I tossed her the nugget of shiet and told her it was “my lucky rock”. As I’m turning around to leave I witness this drunk freshman girl catching my shiet in her hands and that image was and will be burned in my mind forever. The next day I cancelled my dining plan to avoid ever seeing any of those girls again and eventually had to drop out due to extreme social anxiety later that semester.

TL;DR I gave a girl a piece of my shiet and told her it was my lucky rock.

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You Should Read This Of The Day: The Fisherman And The Businessman

July 18, 2011 | 3 Comments » | Topics: Story |

fisherman

There was once a businessman who was sitting by the beach in a small Brazilian village.
As he sat, he saw a Brazilian fisherman rowing a small boat towards the shore having caught quite few big fish.
The businessman was impressed and asked the fisherman, “How long does it take you to catch so many fish?”
The fisherman replied, “Oh, just a short while.”
“Then why don’t you stay longer at sea and catch even more?” The businessman was astonished.
“This is enough to feed my whole family,” the fisherman said.
The businessman then asked, “So, what do you do for the rest of the day?”
The fisherman replied, “Well, I usually wake up early in the morning, go out to sea and catch a few fish, then go back and play with my kids. In the afternoon, I take a nap with my wife, and evening comes, I join my buddies in the village for a drink — we play guitar, sing and dance throughout the night.”

The businessman offered a suggestion to the fisherman.
“I am a PhD in business management. I could help you to become a more successful person. From now on, you should spend more time at sea and try to catch as many fish as possible. When you have saved enough money, you could buy a bigger boat and catch even more fish. Soon you will be able to afford to buy more boats, set up your own company, your own production plant for canned food and distribution network. By then, you will have moved out of this village and to Sao Paulo, where you can set up HQ to manage your other branches.”

The fisherman continues, “And after that?”
The businessman laughs heartily, “After that, you can live like a king in your own house, and when the time is right, you can go public and float your shares in the Stock Exchange, and you will be rich.”
The fisherman asks, “And after that?”
The businessman says, “After that, you can finally retire, you can move to a house by the fishing village, wake up early in the morning, catch a few fish, then return home to play with kids, have a nice afternoon nap with your wife, and when evening comes, you can join your buddies for a drink, play the guitar, sing and dance throughout the night!”
The fisherman was puzzled, “Isn’t that what I am doing now?

 

via Paulo Coelheo

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A Possibly Life Changing Story That You Should Drop Everything That You Are Doing And Read Now

June 21, 2011 | 3 Comments » | Topics: Story |

the egg andy weir

The Egg

By: Andy Weir

You were on your way home when you died.

It was a car accident. Nothing particularly remarkable, but fatal nonetheless. You left behind a wife and two children. It was a painless death. The EMTs tried their best to save you, but to no avail. Your body was so utterly shattered you were better off, trust me.

And that’s when you met me.

“What… what happened?” You asked. “Where am I?”

“You died,” I said, matter-of-factly. No point in mincing words.

“There was a… a truck and it was skidding…”

“Yup,” I said.

“I… I died?”

“Yup. But don’t feel bad about it. Everyone dies,” I said.

You looked around. There was nothingness. Just you and me. “What is this place?” You asked. “Is this the afterlife?”

(more…)

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4 More Brutal Prison Stories To Keep You Scared Straight Out Of Jail

April 27, 2011 | No Comments » | Topics: Story |

prison stories

Here are 4 more brutal stories that will help you understand the vicious and predatory environment of prison. All these stories aren’t isolated events, in all honesty they are commonplace in an environment where murderers, robbers, gangsters and the like congregate. For all those likely headed in the direction of prison, if you don’t have a clear understanding of what really goes on in there; the politics, the power struggles, the power moves, the chess game, the weapons, the drugs, the racial barrier, respect, people with life sentences with nothing to lose, the people that really run the prison….you’ll be fcuked, figuratively and literally. Watch carefully.

(more…)

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Take It From This Guy Kids…Taking 30 Hits Of Acid In One Sitting Is Never A Good Idea

April 27, 2011 | No Comments » | Topics: Story |

Here’s a pretty informative video of some guy recalling a particular night when he accidentally took 30 hits of acid in one shot and as he so poignantly puts it, “I was high as fcuk!”

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Stories Like This Is Why We Stay Out Of Prison Folks

April 20, 2011 | 1 Comment » | Topics: Story |

Here’s a pretty disturbing story told by an ex-convict who saw some shiet on the yard, which in all honesty is commonplace in an environment where murderers, robbers, gangsters and the like congregate. For all those likely headed in the direction of prison, if you don’t have a clear understanding of what really goes on in there; the politics, the power struggles, the power moves, the chess game, the weapons, the drugs, the racial barrier, respect, people with life sentences with nothing to lose, the people that really run the prison….you’ll be fcuked, figuratively and literally.

1 Comment »