I’m still stuck in the 90’s. I don’t think I will ever get over it. The carefree days of playing video games, taking a break when the ice cream man rang his jingle and not having to worry about bills, insurance, rent, office politics, and the myriad of other bullshit that comes with being a grown up. The only comfort I can take is remembering the good ol’ days and the good ol’ days consisted of a lot of video game playing, specifically NES. Here’s a selection of 10 awesome NES games, the boss fights and the ending to help take you back to those carefree days.
Bo Jackson was not only the best player in Tecmo Super Bowl, he was the best player in any sport in any time in every single fictional and non-fictional dimension. Bo Jackson was to Tecmo Super Bowl as Shakespeare was to literature. Bo Jackson was to Tecmo Super Bowl as Mozart was to music. Bo Jackson in Tecmo Super Bowl was the epitome of what every man, woman, child dreams they could be. He would send young kids and grown men crying into shame when their defenses tried to master the Raider offense he chaired. Players using him have been able to rush for 800-900 yards per game and run all over the field on one play and run out the time of a whole quarter without being tackled. In the game Jackson is simply unstoppable. Even though Tecmo Bo, as he came to be known, had only one play designed for him, he would regularly peel off 80-yard runs. Even if the opposing player called a play designed to stop him, Jackson was able to bust through multiple defenders for a 20-yard gain. If you gave the ball to Bo Jacksonand you DID NOT score, it was a comment on your own imperfections as a human being. A buddy of mine recounted the time when his brother used Bo to blast him with 95-yard game-winning run, saying he was “helpless as Bo shed about 500 tackles at once and strolled into the end zone”….it took him many, many years to get over that one. Greatest game ever, greatest player ever.
That which separates the men from the boys
I had the original RCT on my dad’s PC as a kid. Oooh, I loved that game. Every time I built a financially stable park and had high ratings and a fat wallet, is create a project I simply called "the Island."
I’d create a vast lake with a several tile long patch of land in the centre. I’d build all facilities necessary for life – bathrooms, stalls, even entertainment and carousels. I’d even put a maintenance man in to clean the spills and a mascot to keep children happy in their newfound home.
And a new home it would be for all the guests I hand-selected to live on the Island. They may have wanted to leave the Island, having a home and family to return to, but after a few weeks they would learn to like this land and their new "family" of guests. They had everything they could possibly want, and I was in the financial situation where I could offer them all services for free. Life was a heaven for them, whether they liked it or not.
But I was not a fully constraining God. If the guests truly wanted to leave the Island, there was always one way out. A massive, custom designed Loop-de-Loop roller coaster was the only method of leaving the island, capable of launching the riders off its end. It was expensive, terribly so, but some antsy guests were willing to do anything to return to their past lives, and I was kind enough to grant them their wish. As they’d excitedly board their final ride on the Island, they’d feel excitement yet apprehension, as though something felt terribly, dangerously wrong.
The ride would take off. Acceleration would launch the riders at incalculable speeds through the loop. As they reached the end of the track, reaching towards the sky, they’d realise they had made a terrible mistake. They would launch, and from above see the park sprawling below them, in the distance the town in which they lived in. Some could even see their homes, and for a moment forget their terror for their longing.
The ride car would then fall. They were far past the lake now, hurtling towards the ground at a hundred miles per hour. Some would cry. Some would pray. Some would laugh. Some would apologise profusely, begging me to let them back on the Island and forget they ever wanted to leave. All landed in an explosive, fiery crash that caused bumper cars to jitter all the way through the park. They denied my heaven, let’s hope they found their way to a better one.