GIFs Galore!
November 9, 2011 | No Comments » | Topics: GIFs |
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Aladdin Mind F**K
November 9, 2011 | 2 Comments » | Topics: LOLs |
Aladdin: In one scene, Genie calls Al’s clothes “so 3rd century.” Genie has been trapped in the lamp for 10,000 years, so there’s no way he could know of the fashion trends which have happened since he’s been trapped. Which means the latest Genie could have been trapped in the lamp is the 3rd century. If he spent 10,000 years in there, it is now AT LEAST the year 10,300 AD when he gets out.
Conclusion: Aladdin takes place IN THE FUTURE. A post-apocalyptic world where only Arab culture (and some Greek) survived. It has been so long that the name “Arabia” has been corrupted to “Agrabah.” The Muslim religion has atrophied to the point where there are no mosques, Imams, or prayer mats, but people still give praise to Allah in moments of happiness. Amazing technological marvels left behind by the previous civilization, like sentient flying carpets or genetically engineered parrots which comprehend human speech instead of just mimic it, are taken for granted by the locals or considered “magic.”
The Genie proves this by making impressions of ancient, long-dead celebrities like Groucho Marx, Jack Nicholson, etc.
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UPDATE:
AtomicPlayboy made the realization that the actual earliest date Aladdin could be set in was 11,989 AD.
If the Genie had been trapped for 10,000 years (evidenced by his lack of knowledge of fashion trends) then how the hell would he know who Jack Nicholson or Groucho Marx were? Clearly he had to have been around at least through the late 1980s, so the film, in fact, would be set in 11,989 AD and not 10,300. Moron.
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More Awesomeness From The StomachPunch Network:
The Dumping Grounds
November 8, 2011 | 1 Comment » | Topics: The Dumping Grounds |
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A Few Game Changing Lessons For All The Aspiring Pickup Artist Out There
November 8, 2011 | No Comments » | Topics: Dating |
(via)
I just returned from a 7 day conference. I don’t want to go into detail about my experience because I personally don’t like reading field reports and I don’t want to give away too much info that might lead to who I am.
Basically this conference is in California, you stay at a hotel with about 1000 other people who all have similiar interests as you. Ages range from 19 to 70. I was in pick up mode the entire time. Getting as many numbers as I could and utilizing my time there as best as I could. I learned some game changing lessons and I would like to share them with you.
1) Everybody wants to like you, they just need an excuse to. This applies to males and females. Most people aren’t going to discriminate against you for your physical appearance. They want to talk to interesting people and receive value from socialization. Be that person to them. Initiate the conversation, tell an interesting stroy, tell a joke, compiment etc. Realizing this shattered my concept of social hiearchies, even preppy sorority girls with their noses in the air will give you the time of day if you can make them smile.
2) Be nice through your actions, not your words. I was a chronic sufferer of nice guy syndrome. The king pin of AFCs. I couldn’t understand why women didn’t like me. I was such a nice guy willing to do anything for them. After approaching and talking to so many people at the conference I realized that people DO like nice guys. The key is that you have to be nice through your actions. Holding the door open, picking up something dropped, buying drinks etc. Just be kind with your actions and don’t articulate it at all. As soon as you try to demonstrate your kindness through words you come across like you want something. Prove yourself through actions, not words.
3) Everybody is an asshole. Asshole is a relative term and everybody on earth has been one in some way at least a handful of times, including you. Never victimize yourself as a nice guy trapped in a world of assholes. Think about it and you should remember a time when you were a dick to somebody because you were having a bad day and didn’t give a fcuk.
4) Build yourself a strong sense of reality. I watched some of Tyler Durden’s real social dynamics. He gave some good advice that finally clicked with me at the conference. He said that women find a strong sense of reality highly attractive. Just think about it. An attractive woman gets approached all the time by douche bags who just want to have sex with her and AFCs who want to be walked all over. Then you come into the equation. A man who isn’t afraid to ride solo. You approach her and instead of trying to throw lines at her you are having a legitmately interesting conversation. You are confident and come off as a guy who knows what he wants in life. You seem completely free and the opposite of clingy which is exactly what women want.
But honestly, the best advice is this: Make your life awesome. All of these lessons will click with you naturally if you just try to make your life interesting and exciting. Don’t take no for an answer, if you have something you want to do, DO IT. No matter the cost, you only have one life to live, minds well enjoy it.
Conclusion: Be kind through your actions, not your words other wise you will come off as fake and needy. Everybody wants to be friends you just have to make them feel comfortable giving you that value. Everybody is a dick so don’t dwell on negative interactions and realize that even you can be a dick sometimes. Have a strong sense of reality and confidence, women will gravitate towards you when you don’t need them to make your life awesome and exciting.
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Proof That Chicks Dig Guys On Motorcycle
November 8, 2011 | 1 Comment » | Topics: LOLs |
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Pacquiao vs Marquez: Who Ya Got???
November 8, 2011 | No Comments » | Topics: Poll, Sports |
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Quite Possibly The Funniest Thing You Will Read Today
November 8, 2011 | 5 Comments » | Topics: LOLs, Writing |
A Creative Writing professor from the University of Colorado told his class one day (an actual class assignment):
“Today we will experiment with a new form called tandem story. The process is simple. Each person will pair off with the person sitting next to his or her desk.
As homework tonight, one of you will write the first paragraph of a short story. You will e–mail your partner that paragraph and send another copy to me. The partner will read the first paragraph and then add another paragraph to the story and send it back, also sending another copy to me. The first person will add a third paragraph, and so on back-and-forth.
Remember to re-read what has been written each time in order to keep the story coherent. There is to be absolutely NO talking outside the e-mails and anything you wish to say must be written in the e-mail. The story is over when both agree a conclusion has been reached.”
The following was actually turned in by two of his English students:
Rebecca (Bold)
Bill (regular)
THE STORY:
(first paragraph by Rebecca)
At first, Laurie couldn’t decide which kind of tea she wanted. The chamomile, which used to be her favorite for lazy evenings at home, now reminded her too much of Carl, who once said , in happier times, that he liked chamomile. But she felt she must now, at all costs, keep her mind off Carl. His possessiveness was suffocating, and if she thought about him too much her asthma started acting up again. So chamomile was out of the question.
(second paragraph by Bill)
Meanwhile, Advanced Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of the attack squadron now in orbit over Skylon 4, had more important things to think about than the neuroses of an air-headed asthmatic bimbo named Laurie with whom he had spent on sweaty night over a year ago. “A. S. Harris to Geostation 17,” he said into his transgalactic communicator. “Polar orbit established. No sign of resistance so far …” But before he could sign off a bluish particle beam flashed out of nowhere and blasted a hole through his ship’s cargo bay. The jolt from the direct hit sent him flying out of his seat and across the cockpit.
(Rebecca)
He bumped his head and died immediately, but not before he felt one last pang of regret for physically brutalizing the one woman who had ever had feeling for him. Soon afterwards, Earth stopped its pointless hostilities towards the peaceful farmers of Skylon 4. “Congress Passes Laws Permanently Abolishing War and Space Travel,” Laurie read in her newspaper one morning. The news simultaneously excited her and bored her. She stared out the window, dreaming of her youth, when the days had passed unhurriedly and carefree, with no newspaper to read, no television to distract her from her sense of innocent wonder at all the beautiful things around her. “Why must one lose one’s innocence to become a woman?” she pondered wistfully.
(Bill)
Little did she know, but she had less than 10 seconds to live. Thousands of miles above the city, the Anu’udrian mothership launched the first of its lithium fusion missiles. The dimwitted wimpy peaceniks who pushed the Unilateral Aerospace Disarmament Treaty had left the Earth a defenseless target for the hostile alien empires who were determined to destroy the human race. Within two hours after passage of the treaty the Anu’udrian ships were on course for Earth, carrying enough firepower to pulverize the entire planet. With no one to stop them. They swiftly initiated their diabolical plan. The lithium fusion missile entered the atmosphere unimpeded. The President, in his top secret mobile submarine headquarters on the ocean floor off the coast of Guam, felt the inconceivably massive explosion, which vaporized even poor, stupid Laurie.
(Rebecca)
This is absurd. I refuse to continue this mockery of literature. My writing partner is a violent, chauvinistic semi-literate adolescent.
(Bill)
Yeah? Well, my writing partner is a self-centered tedious neurotic whose attempts at writing are literally the equivalent of Valium. “Oh, shall I have chamomile tea? Or shall I have some other sort of F@#KING TEA??? Oh no, what am I to do? I’m such an air headed bimbo. I guess I’ve read too many Danielle Steele novels!”
(Rebecca)
A$$h@le.
(Bill)
B*tch!
(Rebecca)
F@#* YOU _ YOU NEANDERTHAL!!
(Bill)
In your dreams, Ho. Go drink some tea.
(TEACHER)
A+ – I really liked this one.
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The Dumping Grounds
November 7, 2011 | No Comments » | Topics: The Dumping Grounds |
