“For instance, on the planet Earth, man had always assumed that he was more intelligent than dolphins because he had achieved so much—the wheel, New York, wars and so on—whilst all the dolphins had ever done was muck about in the water having a good time. But conversely, the dolphins had always believed that they were far more intelligent than man—for precisely the same reasons.”
- Douglas Adams, The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
My average day when I was a day-shift Sales Bootyociate (the ones who stock shelves) at Wal-Mart:
Clock in a little early, duck management and stock some areas that need it.
Management eventually finds you and acts as if you’ve been neglecting your job for avoiding them. They make you take the items you were going to stock to the back, then set you on taking down features on the floor and moving them to a different location on the floor, or piling them in the back and replacing them with something similar. I once spent three hours switching two dog food displays that were less than twenty feet apart.
Intermittently while you’re doing this management will come ride you and the other 1-2 Sales Bootyociates who actually try to do a good job about doing a better job, meanwhile the lazier Sales Bootyociates -who would discredit zombies to refer to them as such- will shamble back and forth accomplishing next to nothing while management pretends they don’t exist.
If you’re unlucky enough to be trained as a cashier you will probably be doing that half of the day, because the register staff is also woefully undermanned, as well as having a high turnover/call-in rate.
Just when you find that you have time to stock a few items again it is now your lunch break, or else management has decided that the daily “zone” (Facing the items and pulling them forward on the shelf) is starting an hour early. Never mind that there are several carts of items in the back that can go on the half-empty shelves that you are zoning.
You clock out and try to pretend that you weren’t working in circles all day- and maybe, just maybe you helped out somebody, somewhere.
Also, the department manager of your area is probably trapped between a half-dozen redundant meetings and/or putting a billion new price tags with a slightly different color or graphic or slogan on the shelves, so he/she can’t help you much.
Also ALSO, during all of this, exasperated customers who can’t find half of what they are looking for will approach you for help, and the most you will be able to do is shrug with an idiotic grin on your face and tell them “Sorry, maybe it will be on the shelf next week”.
You can’t totally blame the middle management that is yanking you around the store, because their manager has a list from their manager, who has a list from their manager (and so on for who knows how many iterations all the way back to hq), and if they don’t check off that list it’s them in the frying pan.
I find a lot of positive things at Wal-Mart. The customers (not kidding, they can really make your day), most of your coworkers, flexible hours that work with school, and a lot of the management are great people. It’s just a wonder that anyone can get around the store with so much red tape floating around.
by Hung Lee
Religious fundamentalists conspire with militant insurgents to launch a terrorist attack on the greatest symbol of hegemonic power. The destruction of the Death Star results in the loss of thousands of innocent lives on board, and subsequently triggers an intergalactic conflict resulting in the loss of hundreds of thousands more. Movie ends with the surviving insurgents feted as heroes before cheering crowds for this unprecedented outrage.
Naive peasant boy radicalised into insurgency after witnessing the death of family resulting from the shoot first, ask questions later military culture of the superpower of the day.
Drug runner, murderer and underworld figure, happy to transport terrorists on don’t ask, don’t tell basis.
Religious fanatic hiding in a remote desert location seeking the restoration of theocracy through the radicalisation naive rural youth. Would later martyrs himself in order to provide further motivation for the next generation of religiously inspired insurgents
BACK THE F**K UP!
Bro! We Scored!
A damn fine gallery of Kate Upton pictures – Ned Hardy
My nephew helping his pet chicken, Biscuit, smell a flower – We Rule The Internet
12 Things We Hate About Disneyland – Knowd
101 Movie One-Liners You Should Know – Crowd Ignite
photos from a bad-a%% Army Ranger (15 HQ Photos) – The Brigade
Miranda Kerr in some Wedding Themed Victoria’s Secret Pics – Drunken Stepfather
Shocking Britney Spears Bikini Pics – Celeb Jihad
Pregnant Kim Kardashian Busting Out Like Never Before – Popoholic
5 Brain Hacks That Give You Mind-Blowing Powers – Linkiest
This girl is freaking cute! – Double Viking
Candice Swanepoel Bikini Wedgie for Victoria’s Secret Photoshoot – G-Celeb
You Can’t Say No To A Sexy Smile – Bro My God
James Franco Turned Down Sex With Lindsay – IDLYITW
Luke’s Change – The Real Story Behind the Fall of the Death Star – Unreality Mag
12 Pics of Celebs Caught Staring – Uncoached
Spring Break Creeper Wants To Kill Hot Girls – Regretful Morning
60 Pictures Of Hot Hunnies In Red Bikinis – Super Booyah
MIAMI: Doutzen Kroes Enjoys A Family Bikini Beach Day – Moe Jackson
The 20 Funniest Google Street View Pictures Ever (GALLERY) – World Wide Interweb
For All The Introverts Out There (21 Pics) – Ned Hardy