1. I’m a sex worker. Met the wrong kind of client. He raped me and beat the fuck out of me while telling me about the different places he was considering dumping my body. I was more resigned than I expected. For one I just wanted the pain to stop and I also thought how I’d just be another dead black hooker and no one would notice and it was as good an end to a shitty life as any.
Then he let me go. I’m glad not to have died by someone else’s hand, it is terrifying and lonely and thinking about it makes me want to puke, but it didn’t like, renew my love of life or anything. Sometimes I wish he’d just finished the job and be done with it. I know, I’m very ungratefu
2. Disgustingly: that I didn’t care if those around me were killed just as long as I got out alive. The knowledge of that being my thought process at the time has haunted me my entire life.
I was in a national safari park at night in Zimbabwe with some friends on a school trip (aged around 15/16). We were told not to walk around at night because of honey badgers and other dangerous animals, but we wanted to go and see the watering hole at night so decided to ignore that advice.
So we start walking towards the watering hole in almost pitch black save a few lamps here and there. Halfway to the watering hole we heard a bush rustle around 5 meters from the path we were walking on, followed by an unmistakable lion’s roar. None of us either bother to look and all run madly towards the watering hole where we know there’s a fence. I’ve never run so fast in my life. All I remember is being terrified I’d trip over my flip flops and wishing that the lion would go for one of the people behind me and not for me. It’s that final thought that fucks with me.
The next morning we went and saw that 2-3 meters from the path there was a fence that in the darkness we couldn’t see. Obviously the lion was directly behind the fence.
You can find out the hard way that you're in the wrong sport. Like, a lot of these guys, what's the reason that you fight? You have to ask them. If you ask the Diaz Brothers, what they do and what they're good at? Fight. They love to fight. That's what they do. That's who they are. You'll find out really quick if you're a fighter or not against them. Just because you fight in the UFC, that doesn't mean you're a fighter.
Fighters, real fighters, they know they have a chance no matter what, the whole fight, and they love that. They don't give a fuck. They don't care what's happening. They know in that last minute, that last round, they've still got a chance and they don't care what the other guy thinks, because they know the other guy wants to beat them too. That's a fighter. But a lot of these guys aren't like that at all. A lot of these guys, they just want to have people recognize them in the streets. That's not a fighter. You're not a fighter. ‘I just want to fight because I want to have a good enough career to open up a gym.' No. That's a small business owner. You want to be a small business owner. You don't want to be a fighter. You want to work for yourself. Good for you. I don't like coaching those guys, but I love to fight those guys because I know if I hit that guy, he's going to hurt. And when he hurts, he's going to change.
But Nate, the whole time, he kept coming forward. He lost the fight. I knew I won the fight. There was like 30 seconds left, and he still... kept... coming for me. And I respect that the most, because if I would've given him the opportunity, he would've beaten the shit out of me.
- Joe Stevenson
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