“The feelings that hurt most, the emotions that sting most, are those that are absurd - The longing for impossible things, precisely because they are impossible; nostalgia for what never was; the desire for what could have been; regret over not being someone else; dissatisfaction with the world’s existence. All these half-tones of the soul’s consciousness create in us a painful landscape, an eternal sunset of what we are.”
- Fernando Pessoa
Holy Crap, I thought this was a joke! What would drive a man to do something like this?
I’m 30 and started smoking when i was 12. by the time i was 15 i was a full fledged pack a day smoker. over the years i have witnessed many people fall prey to the habit.
you start by smoking here and there, maybe you don’t inhale at first, maybe you just like to blow it out your nose or smoke it like a cigar. it’s only on certain occasions.
if you are fiddling with cigarettes, you likely have friends that are smoking, also. so you are hanging out, maybe having a few beers, and you see them smoking and decide to be social with them, and also have a cig, but alas, you have none. so you bum a few off a friend for the night. you kind of like it. it just feels good to have one with some drinks or just when you’re talking and laughing. soon you do this every time you get together for a drink/movie/whatever. it’s not a big deal, it’s just once in a blue moon.
after a while, your friends start complaining that you are always asking for cigarettes but you never seem to have your own, you cheap son of a biatch. those shiets are expensive. maybe next time you could come prepared and letother people bum them. so you buy a pack prior to the next gathering. it feels weird to order them at the counter, but whatever. it’s only for the night and you feel like an asshole smoking everyone’s cigarettes all night. you see how they act when they run low. you don’t want to be that guy.
so now you have your own pack of cigarettes. it’s just for the socialness of it. but at the end of the night you have leftovers. you leave them for a friend because what the hell do you need them for? the night is over. it’s not like you’re going to smoke them tomorrow.
eventually there comes a time where you decide you may as well keep the cigarettes you bought. they areexpensive and you’re sick of having to buy them every time you go out, so you’ll just save them for next time.