A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn’t need.
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.
Married men live longer than single man, but married men are a lot more willing to die.
Any married man should forget his mistakes, there’s no use in two people remembering the same thing.
Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
Women somehow deteriorate during the night.
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn’t.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won’t change, but she does.
Friends Of Caveman Circus:
The Weekend Is Over But The Blacked Out Drunk Memories Will Last Forever…Here Are A Few Awesome Recollections
Doing shots at last call at a bar. Hammered. Guy asks me and 3 friends to go to a strip club after last call. Time passes, we buy a case and consume more beers on the way to said strip club. Get to strip club. Forget why I am there. Brown out. Come out of brown out to a stripper sitting on my lap giving me a beer and hot dog I didn’t pay for. Brown out again, come to heckling the strip club DJ with my friend. Brown out yet again ensues, come to in a Denny’s 6 miles from my house with pancakes in front of me. Black the fcuk out. Wake up in the remains of my roommates bed (I somehow shattered the frame) covered in Mardi gras beads with a stolen handicap parking sign on the floor next to me. Stay in school kids.
Woke up in Seattle (I live on Vancouver Island, in Canada).
The night before I got just about to the point where I blacked out, proceeded to do some hippie flips at a forest party (hippie flips are a cocktail of ecstasy and mushrooms).
So, I ditched the ex-girlfriend without her knowledge, apparently hopped in a car with a group of chicks from the states, proceeded to fall asleep on one of their laps in the back of their car, and drove across the island, was on the ferry where I apparently woke up and was quite coherent, and then proceeded to get back in the car, fall asleep all the way across the boarder. No one woke me up and the next morning I woke up in a really nice house in Seattle.
No one in the house except one of the girls room mates. He laughs. We Get baked and play Halo all day till the girl comes back from work, I have no ID so I hide in the backseat under some blankets like a little mexican later that evening and get smuggled back to Canada. Once I get home, everyone thought I got eaten by a bear/cougar and are mildly relieved to see me.
I went out drinking one night, the last thing I remember is getting a beer at an after bar party. I woke up on the porch with a road cone under my arm and a sweatshirt as a pillow. The sweatshirt had the name Allie on it. I don’t know an Allie.
I’m from Miami and I got really drunk on the beach one night and passed out. Woke up at around 5 or 6 am with a couple of bums who apparently had found me spread eagled below the high tide line and carried me to safety. They were super nice and I got us all breakfast afterwards.
Went out drinking one evening with some friends and (so I’m told) left with a pretty nice looking girl to accompany her back to her place.
The only thing I remember is blacking out in the middle of drinking straight from a bottle of whiskey and waking up alone. I went to explore, not recalling how I got there, and found an empty apartment, save for a stove and fridge. The fridge had a bottle of wine and some mustard in it.
Upon further inspection, the mattress I’d woken on had no blankets and was just laying in the middle of the clean, but empty floor. I booked it out of there, found a gas station, and called a buddy of mine. After some more investigating, I found out I was about 3-4 hours away from my starting destination.
Good ending, though. I don’t have any STDs or missing organs from the incident and none of my stuff was stolen! Hurrah! Still, never saw the girl again and nobody knew her from the party. She was a ‘friend of a friend’ or something.
“Try to imagine a life without timekeeping. You probably can’t. You know the month, the year, the day of the week. There is a clock on your wall or the dashboard of your car. You have a schedule, a calendar, a time for dinner or a movie. Yet all around you, timekeeping is ignored. Birds are not late. A dog does not check its watch. Deer do not fret over passing birthdays. an alone measures time. Man alone chimes the hour. And, because of this, man alone suffers a paralyzing fear that no other creature endures. A fear of time running out.”
- Mitch Albom