Why is it that women flock to some men and ignore others? Is it because of looks, confidence, humor, enthusiasm, personality, status, etc?
Depending on the circumstances and the girl, any one of these ‘reasons’ could be the deciding factor, but that’s not what’s important. What’s important is that these are all symptoms of something deeper, something more fundamental. They are the outward expression of a single ‘rule’ for attracting women.
The problem with most dating advice is that it focuses on developing or exhibiting these traits and ignores the actual cause of these traits. It focuses on ways to ‘fake it’ and get around your inability to attract women.
Some advice involves lying or making up stories to make you seem more attractive. Other advice involves various flavors of changing who you are to make a girl like you.
These methods can work in the short term, but that doesn’t make them right, and in the long term, they usually leave you unhappy because you are rejecting who you really are just so you can get a girl to like you.
The key to becoming attractive is to avoid studying tricks and tactics and work on the inner cause of what makes you an attractive person.
What you really need to attract women
The reason why some men struggle to attract women, or for that matter, anything they want into their lives is thatthey lack a genuine love for who they are. They don’t respect who they are, they don’t like certain things about themselves, and they don’t even believe that they deserve to have the pleasure of a beautiful, confident woman in their lives.
This is the root of almost all problems men have with women. If you loved yourself, you would take care of your body, you would exude self confidence, you would be comfortable starting conversations with people, you would be fun to be around, etc.
So, the most important thing you can do for yourself, starting today, is to love who you are. You’ve got to believe that you are valuable and worthy of being loved before any woman will give you the time of day.
This is an important topic that I believe is a sticking point for many of you guys. I’m here to share a simple hack that you can do to help you qualify women, and help them see you as a potential sexual partner and not just a friend.
Conveying Sexual Intent
If you can convey that you are interested in her physically early on, you can establish a sexual frame. Think of a sexual frame as the lens that she sees all further communication through. It makes it clear that you are looking for a sexual partner and not just a friend.
Direct game is one way of doing this. You guys probably have heard this before.
Example: "Hi, I had to stop you. You’re absolutely stunning. What’s your name?"
But I want to show you a simple hack that you can work into your approach, no matter what style of game you run, to set a sexual frame and build sexual tension.
I have two versions I use that work well.
Version 1: "You’re My Type"
This one is simple. Just mention off the cuff that one of the girls you’re talking to is your type. I like, "I’m really glad you’re cool because you’re totally my type." This plants the idea of you two ending up together in her mind. Make sure to say it slowly, deliberately, with strong eye context. Touch the small of her back if you can. Make sure she sees you’re not just saying it randomly, but that you actually mean it. Afterwards, continue with your conversation like normal.
Version 2: Physical Compliment
After you’ve opened, but within the first few minutes of conversation, give her a compliment on her looks. (It’s important to note, do not do this as the opener unless you plan to run direct game and know what you’re doing.)
I like to hold her hand for a bit during the introduction handshake, look her in the eye and say "You’ve got such soft skin." Pause for effect. Resume conversation like normal.
You can say anything that conveys that you find her physically hot. "Your eyes are absolutely stunning." or I even have been using "It has to be said, I fucking love your cleavage."
Honestly, it doesn’t matter as long as you make it clear you see her as a potential sexual mate.
I know this seems redundant because YOU already know you have sexual intent, but girls decide early on whether you’re going into the friend pile or the sexual mate pile. Make sure she knows which pile you’re going into.
There it is. Simple as pie. Convey sexual intent no more than a few minutes into your approach and watch your friendzone/flake rate drop dramatically.
Good luck out there, guys!
1. WHAT IS A “NICE GUY”?
A woman has a close male friend. This means that he is probably interested in her, which is why he hangs around so much. She sees him strictly as a friend. This always starts out with, you’re a great guy, but I don’t like you in that way. This is roughly the equivalent for the guy of going to a job interview and the company saying, You have a great resume, you have all the qualifications we are looking for, but we’re not going to hire you. We will, however, use your resume as the basis for comparison for all other applicants. But, we’re going to hire somebody who is far less qualified and is probably an alcoholic. And if he doesn’t work out, we’ll hire somebody else, but still not you. In fact, we will never hire you. But we will call you from time to time to complain about the person that we hired.
This reasoning right here is the epitome of “Nice Guy” thinking.
Basically a “Nice Guy” is someone who wonders why if they are so nice and good to women, why they won’t reciprocate (sleep with them)? The reason is: because they don’t have to, and no force in the world can change that. Let’s now get into the nitty-gritty of what’s wrong with being a “Nice Guy” (hereafter referred to as an NG).
By Nick Notas
In my previous article, I shared with you my “selfishness epiphany”. I told you how I once believed going after what I wanted and needed was wrong. And it was only when I realized that making yourself a priority is perfectly healthy that I became a liberated, fulfilled man. Now I want to show you how to get there yourself.
Understand that cannot think your way into becoming an honest man. If you plan on reading this and expect to change immediately, it’s not happening. I’ve tried that route and it doesn’t work — you have to lead with actions and your mindset will follow.
Start applying the examples below today. No more waiting and no more frustration being second place.
- Express your sexual intentions and desires with women. Follow my guide toovercoming sexual anxiety.
- Politely refuse to help someone when you truly don’t want to or have time to.
- Make a decision and choose where you want to take your date/girlfriend on a Friday night. Don’t just flip flop between “Where do you wanna go?” and “I don’t know, you pick.” Be decisive and take the lead.
- State your opposing opinion to someone without being confrontational. Hold your ground. “No way, there are plenty of metal songs with good lyrics.” “I disagree, the war on drugs has been a complete failure.”
- For every girl you meet and have more than a minute of conversation, ask for her number. Do this regardless of whether or not you think you’ll get a yes.
- When you find yourself apologizing, think back over the event and determine if you actually needed to apologize. Many times we say sorry out of habit or insecurity. Consciously stop yourself from unnecessary apologies in the future.
- Invite a girl you’ve been texting or chatting with (online dating) to do something that interests you.
- If you truly feel overworked and underpaid, ask your boss for a raise. Know there are potential consequences. (Disclaimer: I take no responsibility in what results from this action…unless it’s good.)
- Ask a girl for directions to the nearest Barnes and Noble (or wherever you’re going). Chat for a minute and then ask if she’d like to come along with you.
- Negotiate a lower price. This can be done at places such as flea markets, yard sales, or outdoor festivals.
Relationships are like the Big Bang of pick-up. All the rules break down. There are no routines to fall back on, and you are forced to reveal your truest self. What follows is a short list of principles I’ve found to be true in most relationships and for most (healthy) women. They are not rules. Think of them more as guidelines that can help you stay healthy, positive, and open while keeping things in perspective. Bombs away.
1. WOMEN WANT TO HAVE FUN
The old song is true. Girls just want to have fun. If you and your girl don’t have fun, don’t expect her to stick around. This is why, in surveys, women consistently list a sense of humor as the most desirable trait in a partner. It is really difficult to overstate how much this is true.
1a. Here’s what this means for you:
Learn to have fun at any time, no matter what you are doing. And don’t do it for her. Do it for yourself. If you can develop a sense of self-enjoyment, you will never be bored. For example, if you and your lady are walking, and you see a jungle gym, and she squeals and makes a break for it, don’t sulk and quietly wait for her to finish playing. Instead, run as fast as you can, push her out of the way, climb to the top, rip your shirt off, and scream, “I am the king and this is my kingdom! You will never defeat me, infidel!” And when she tries, pounce on her and tickle her until she pees in public. It doesn’t have to be that extreme, of course. Throw popcorn at her during a movie. If she drags you into a women’s clothing store, pull some shit off the rack, try it on, and ask the clerk’s opinion. Tackle her into bed. Smile. Laugh. Make some memories, for fuck’s sake. Be playful, and never, ever say no to fun.
2. WOMEN WANT TO FEEL SEXY
This seems like an easy one, but there’s a little nuance to it. Making a woman feel sexy is more than just complimenting her physical looks, although that’s part of it. Rather, it’s a mix of four things: 1) being interested in her mind, 2) complimenting her, 3) teasing her, and 4) having good sex.
2a. Be interested in her mind.
If you aren’t interested in what your lady thinks, you are either too boring yourself, or you need to find someone with more similar interests. Have a good, long conversation once in a while. Ask her what she thinks and take her seriously. Again, don’t do it arbitrarily. Date women you are interested in.
2b. Compliment and tease her.
Make it unique, sincere, and playful. Don’t get super emotional and tell her her eyes are like the sunset. Instead, when she walks away in that skirt you love, tell her you are about to have a stroke and you’d prefer if she just wore moo-moos from now on. Or whisper in her ear that her shoulders are giving you a boner in church. Say what you really think, and frame it in a way that’s fun.
2c. Have good sex.
I’m no sexpert. I have a lot to learn myself. But having great, mutually fulfilling sex goes a loooong way toward making a woman feel sexy. If you need a starting point, read The Sex God Method. Some of the rhetoric is a little much (seems misogynistic at times, although it’s clear he loves and respects women), but overall, it’s a great book that focuses on the female psyche instead of bullshit “hum the ABCs” techniques.
Over a year ago I sat in my computer chair typing a goodbye post to the readers and customers that I spent 5 years of my life teaching and working with. I tried to explain why I was leaving a company that I built with no plan to ever return.
Today I am sitting that same chair trying to type a post that I have wanted to share with people for over a year. There is A LOT of bull shit that SOME coaches and companies shove down the throat of the consumer to SELL you shit. I am here today as in insider to dispel that BS and give you actual advice and I’m not going to charge you a dime or make you visit my website because I want more hits. Out of all my 5+ years involved in the dating scene & teaching these are the most important lessons that I could EVER give anyone.
1) Your Appearance Matters, Fix it.
Dating coaches like to say that looks don’t matter and thus work on your game. They are liars. Looks matter for more reasons than you know. First off, looks matter because women value men that they are going to show off to their family and friends. If you look like a wreck she won’t show it off. Think about your first car? Was it a pile of shit? Rusted, maybe broken down? You don’t want to show that off, you just want it to fill the void until you can upgrade, welcome to the world of women.
Secondly, your appearance matters because it is an outward expression of how you feel about yourself. It shows your self-discipline and dedication to who you think you are. If you value something you take care of it, period.
Lastly, I have learned time and time again that a very high quality woman will sleep with guys who aren’t that physically attractive but they RARELY get in relationships with them. If someone tells you looks don’t matter then they are lying or don’t know WTF they are talking about. Looks can be DRASTICALLY improved by educating yourself.
2) Attraction isn’t something you do, it’s something that you become.
Want to know how to build attraction? Become attractive. Words, lines, routines, banter, all this BS people shove down your throat isn’t what women find attractive. What women find attractive is the person delivering these things. Attraction at its core is self confidence and when you actually talk TO a girl instead of talking ABOUT her, you are starting to teach yourself confidence, this is why approaching works, it teaches guys to overcome their fear and replace it with confidence.
Here is how to become attraction rather than ACTING like you are attractive.
Develop a since of fashion and look good EVERYTIME you walk out that door. Take care of your body, lose weight fix your smile do whatever you have to do. SMILE like you know something they don’t. Watch and study people who are attractive, IE James Bond & Chuck Bass (Gossip Girl). Slow down. Relax, stop reacting so fast. Make eye contact with people. Socialize with people. Do fun things in your life, IE live your passions, travel, learn about wine, scotch, culture.
These are helpful things to look for when trying to gauge attraction.
This list I wrote may help some of you out.
If you’re talking to a cashier and she tells you for any reason when she gets off work, she wants you to come back.
If a girl gives you her number, on some level she is interested. Meaning she gives it to you without you prompting her first, though often if she gives it to you after you ask her it still means she’s interested* If a girl repeatedly mentions how she wishes she had a nice guy to date, she is interested.
If a girl asks about your relationship status out of the blue, she is interested.
If a girl you don’t know approaches you and asks for the time, but then lingers in your vicinity, she wants you to come back up and approach her because she is interested.
If a girl who is not a best friend type suggests watching a movie when you two are hanging out alone, she wants something to happen. She is interested.
If a girl says she “needs to talk to you”, but then it ends up being something really stupid like “I don’t know what colour to dye my hair”, then she probably chickened out of telling you she likes you.
Physical touching while a girl is having a conversation with you usually means she is interested.
Any time a girl seems to giggle WAY more than she should during a conversation, it means she is interested.
by Nick Notas
Let’s face it, confidence is the most attractive quality in a man. For most women, a man with a strong head on his shoulders is more important than superficial factors like looks or money. I know it’s hard to believe, but it’s definitely true.
After years of working on myself, I’ve realized that there are a lot of misconceptions of what makes a confident man. Some think arrogance plays a part, some believe it’s about physical strength, and others imagine a guy who isn’t afraid to get into a fight with anyone who challenges them. In reality, none of those fit the bill.
So rather than coming up with some generic one-line answer, I decided to write a list of traits that I know confident men carry.
A confident man…
Knows to apologize when he’s wrong
Speaks the truth and doesn’t go back on his word
Isn’t worried about his girlfriend’s past dating history
Doesn’t need to put people down to make himself feel better
Gives back to others because he genuinely wants to
Is assertive and actively goes after what he wants in life
Knows how to be a gentleman and treat a woman like a lady
Takes responsibility for his actions and doesn’t blame others
Approaches a beautiful woman even when he’s nervous
Has many interests and is passionate about them
Makes the woman he’s with feel sexy and desirable
Takes the initiative to ask for her number or invite her on a date
Leads with charisma and self-assurance
Doesn’t take advantage or prey on those weaker than him
Stands up for his values and what he believes in