by Nick Notas
Few moments have single men more excited then getting a girl’s number. There’s an immense joy in knowing you now have an open line of communication.
Then reality sinks in. A number may be a green light, but you still have to get her on a date. And as many men come to realize, that’s easier said than done.
Lucky for you, I’ve been taking notes from every texting e-mail I receive to decipher the common pitfalls that prevent men from meeting up with women. They are:
Unnecessary apologies. Stop saying sorry for taking time to text back — you did nothing wrong. You barely know each other and you aren’t obligated to explain yourself. It comes off awkward and like you need to make sure she likes you. Just roll back into conversation.
If you’re really taking that long to respond, are you…
Artificially waiting to respond. Replying in a normal timeframe only comes off desperate when you’re flooding her with consecutive unanswered messages. But, not responding for half a day because you think it’ll make you look cool is desperate.
Women want men who are unashamed of what they want. By delaying, you’re only going to frustrate her or make her feel like you’re uninterested — putting her on the defensive. Women will often pull away to protect themselves and act distant as well.
If you don’t want a girl to play games with you, you shouldn’t be playing games with her.
Sharing too many useless details. She probably doesn’t care about a play-by-play of your day. Unless you can make a joke from it or use it to ask her a question about herself — save it for the date. Pare down your texts to the core message and remove all filler. Brevity is key.
Say she asks you what your plans are for the night. Many guys respond with something like…
“I’m gonna take a nap. Then around 5 I’m going to meet up with my friend John who’s back from the military. I haven’t seen him in over a year. We’ll probably hang out for a little and then we’re going to watch a metal show at the DCU center in Worcester — it’s going to be awesome.”
Is the nap pertinent? Do you really need the timestamps? Is John being in the military relevant right now? Do you need to explain that you’re hanging out? Does the location of the show make a difference? Or the fact that it’s going to be awesome — that’s hopefully implied by you investing your time there.
“I’m meeting an old friend and heading to a metal show. What’s your favorite type of live music?”
By George P.H.
When you’re a boy, it’s alright to do kid things. That’s what our childhood and teenage years are for.
But with each passing year, the line between “boy” and “man” is becoming blurred. We’re taking longer to move out, find steady jobs and get married. We delay the responsibilities of manhood to enjoy ourselves for longer.
This is fantastic. It’s great that we’re making the most of our lives, exploring all available options and challenging the status quo. But all these things only have value if you do them as a man – not as a boy.
Below are 5 ways to know you’re not a real man (yet). If any of them apply to you, make some changes to your life and start living with strength, dignity and manliness. It’s the best decision you’ll ever make.
1. You Blame
I was late to work because my stupid car wouldn’t start.
We went snowboarding last winter but the snowstorm ruined everything.
I hate my job; my boss always makes me run little errands for him, ugh.
I hear people say things like these every day, and I feel deeply confused each time. When did it become so acceptable to blame other people, random events and even inanimate objects for everything that’s wrong?
Everything you do in life is a personal choice. Even when forces beyond your control are at work, the way you react to them is 100% on you.
Late to work? Apologize and fix your car (or get a bus pass).
Snowstorm during your vacation? Find ways to have a good time, shit happens.
Don’t like getting coffee for your boss? Get a new job.
That’s it. If you don’t like something, either remove it from your life or find a way to accept it.
It’s fine to blame others when you’re a child. You don’t know much about life and, when things go wrong, it often is somebody else’s fault.
As a grown-ass man, you don’t have that kind of luxury. Everything you do is your personal choice and responsibility. Blame might make you feel better for a short while but is ultimately useless.
Physically, confident guys are much more calm or deliberate in their movements. There’s not tonnes of figiting etc. They just seem to be able to settle into a position and become relaxed. This also goes for walking – which comes across as more deliberate and natural. They’re also not generally concerned about how much space they occupy. Not like, randomly sprawling, but just able to keep square shoulders and longer strides. Especially as a woman, you can tell how confident they are when they’re hitting on you, based on the space they’re comfortable taking up. More confident guys tend to start closer to you (for instance when they sit down next to you at a bar), and not be so electrically aware of touching. Unconfident guys tend to get a bit jumpy, and sometimes almost glaze over when space starts to be closed.
In terms of speech, there’s rarely much wavering, no squeaking. All relatively level or appropriate. They’re not afraid to be loud, and are less apologetic if they’re too loud (although I dislike that last bit). Some guys are more measured with their Words and are comfortable saying less, some talk tonnes. But you never really get the sense that they’ve withdrawn or are critiquing themselves. They’re present and aware of what they’re saying.
By Nick Notas
Last Thursday I was with a friend at one of my favorite clubs in Chicago. He had another friend visiting: a 6’5” British guy with a deep voice and charming accent.
As you can guess, he was a big hit with the women around us. And I couldn’t have been happier for him.
If this was a few years ago, however, I might have been too busy in my head feeling insecure about my “short” comings. As a 5’8” slim-cut guy, height had always been a sore spot.
I know a lot of guys feel the same way, too. I’ve gotten hundreds of e-mails from men telling me how they’re depressed, unconfident, and held back by what they believe are physical limitations.
For some it’s their height. Others it may be a big nose, a weak chin, a crooked smile, an inability to grow facial hair, or even their race.
The truth is that you can’t change your height. But I can share how I overcame my limiting beliefs to become comfortable in my own skin. And I’m sure it’ll work for you.
Why? Because however bad you feel about the physical traits you were born with, I almost guarantee I’ve felt worse.
I’m the reason I’m short.
I’d say my closest friend is Adam. Adam looks kinda like Ben Affleck, but growing up, he looked like Cartman. Long story short, he got tall, lost a bunch of weight, and now he has very high standards for women and also had a mom that would do everything for him and so he expects to find a girlfriend that’s mega-hot and also will do his laundry and cook for him and be his slave. In other words, he’s almost always single.
Adam’s method of attracting women goes like this: Get off work, play Call of Duty and drink every time you die until about 9 (let’s call it 10-20 beers). Then go downtown, drink more, and then he reaches his hitting-on-girls-zen-mode and will go through a bar and talk to every girl he sees, but only for about 30-40 minutes before he gets too drunk and has to head home.
But during that hour, he is amazing. He’ll just take a girl by the hand and start dancing with her. Some girl he hasn’t spoken to, hasn’t even looked at him yet, and not even on the dance floor, middle of the bar. Another trick of his is to high-five every girl he sees. Sometimes that means walking around the bar high-fiving, sometimes when he’s too drunk that means standing near a busy area and keeping his hand up. People will instinctively want to high five you back. Instant-ice-breaker. Since he’s quite tall, sometimes when a girl tries to high-five, he raises his hand too high for them to get to to tease them. Sometimes he holds their hand when they high five him and starts dancing. Sounds creepy, but fuking works a lot.
He doesn’t need a wingman right? Wrong. Before he gets to that zen-mode, even 12 beers in, he’ll be way too nervous to talk to girls. We’ll go up to groups of girls together and start a conversation. It’s way easier to approach people you don’t know in a group than it is to do it all by yourself.
I’ve been attracted largely to introverted men for most of the time I’ve been dating, and introverted men are some of the most opinionated, well-spoken and thoughtful people I’ve met. Their introversion did not prevent them from being confident. While they may not be the centre of attention or know how to navigate large groups of people socially, they’re not pushovers or recluses. They can carry a conversation, almost with too much intensity at times, express themselves articulately and can stand their ground.
On the subject at hand, confidence is all about knowing yourself, loving the fuk out of that person, and knowing that you have a lot to offer. All this self-love makes you sure of yourself, sure of your convictions, sure of what you want. Nothing is more sexy than a man who knows his worth and doesn’t need anyone’s approval or validation, let alone a woman’s. It allows him to pursue what he wants in life without fear, whether that be passions, hobbies, or women. Rejection doesn’t faze the confident man because he doesn’t have to prove shiet to you. And that’s so attractive because he’s coming from a place that isn’t validation-seeking. Any woman he interacts with romantically will feel like a partner, an equal. Not someone on a pedestal.
by Nick Notas
Most men suck at sex. There, I said it.
But to be honest, it’s not all our fault. The resources that exist to teach men are generally awful. We have:
- Porrn, most of which is unrealistic. Freakishly massive dongs that thrust full force for 15 minutes, fingerblasting, and girls faking orgasms left and right. Even the majority of amateur stuff is a poor educator.
- Friends who often give bad advice because they don’t know better themselves.
- Advice that focuses only on “techniques”. While some are useful, many are overkill or wrong. You don’t need 43 ways to lick a clitoris.
They’re all missing the real core of what defines an amazing lover…
How you make a woman feel.
The emotional climax you bring her to. How you turn her on to the point where she can’t even hold back her orgasm. Where she’s so sexually charged that you unleash her primal state.
The good thing is, any man can learn how to become an amazing lover — regardless of penis size.
Note: This is a graphic post. The links and content below are NSFW.
by Nick Notas
We live in a generation of angry young men. Men who harbor massive resentment towards women and blame them for their romantic shortcomings. But is that even fair?
You claim that women use and lead you on. That your time is disrespected. You always get friend zoned for no reason. You go online and make grand statements such as, “Women only date assholes”. Then you tell yourself, “This is why I don’t even try in the first place.”
I get it. You’re frustrated by a lack of success, and it hurts.
But maybe you should be pointing the finger at yourself. You let it happen. If you continually allow yourself to be disrespected, then you are to blame. It’s your job to prevent that from occurring or stop it when it does.
Let’s get proactive and break down why you feel used by women:
You expect them to sleep with you by just being there
“I was so nice to her. I listened to all her problems. I treated her with respect! And what do I get out of it? Her telling me that I’m an amazing friend while she sleeps with some other guy. What a biatch.”