by Nick Notas
We all know about the running joke that romantic relationships are a source of misery.
We grew up on shows like Married With Children where Al Bundy hated having to hang out with his wife Peg. We hear friends challenge each other with, “You’re so whipped!” And serious couples give us ominous warnings such as, “Don’t get married.” or “It’s all good now, but wait until the honeymoon is over.”
These may make us laugh but they also reinforce that our partners are a burden on our lives.
It’s true that maintaining a happy, healthy relationship takes work. But that doesn’t mean it has to suck.
The secret lies in finding a relationship that makes life easier and more fulfilling for you.With a compatible partner and mutual support, your relationship should decrease outside stresses, increase productivity, and improve the quality of your lives.
While there may be many reasons why a woman might have low interest in interacting with you (the majority of which have nothing to do with you), there might be some things you are doing at the meta level that might trigger a low interest response in a woman (none of which includes you being a “loser”).
There are two common issues that Nice Guys and inexperienced daters project which women experience at a meta level. Both of these dynamics typically lead to low interest responses in women. These two issues are incongruence and anxiety.
Incongruence is a big issue for most men, but it is especially true for Nice Guys and inexperienced daters. Here are a few examples of incongruence.
When you approach a woman or hang out with a woman you like, but repress your true interest in her, you are being incongruent.
Whenever you seek someone else’s approval, you are being incongruent.
Whenever you hide your feelings, thoughts, agenda, or actions, you are being incongruent.
When you try to be a woman’s “friend” but you really want to fuck her, you are being incongruent.
When you try looking interested in what a woman is saying but are actually bored to tears, you are being incongruent.
Whenever you play it safe to avoid upsetting a woman, you are being incongruent.
Of course, when you lie, withhold information, or create any kind of false illusion, you are being incongruent.
by Nick Notas
- The longer you wait to make the first kiss, the less likely it’ll happen. If you haven’t kissed by the third date, your chances drop significantly.
- You can be intimate on the first date and still create a healthy relationship.
- The friend zone happens when there’s a lack of sexual attraction. To avoid it: show your intentions from the start, be more aggressive, flirt, and initiate physical contact.
- All the lines or routines in the world won’t help if you aren’t confident from the inside.
- Dating is a numbers game. The guys who are best with women are the ones willing to put themselves on the line as often as possible.
- Body language and non-verbal communicationwill make or break your first impression. Stand tall, relax your shoulders, walk with self-assurance, give strong eye contact, and smile.
- Your vocal tone and quality conveys a lot about you, so develop a strong speaking voice. Learn diaphragmatic breathing, speak from your chest (diaphragm), project your voice, talk slower, and enunciate clearly.
- Forget trying to come up with the perfect opening line. A simple “Hey, what’s up?” or “Hi, you looked cool and I wanted to introduce myself” is enough. It’s not what you say, it’show you say it.
- An attractive lifestyle will do more for your dating life than almost anything else will. If you’re surrounded by positive people and interesting experiences, she’ll be excited to be a part of that.
1. I think the thing lots of guys don’t understand is there is a difference between being nice and being kind. Anybody can be “nice” but if you’re only being nice to someone to gain something in return, I think most people can pick up on that and it’s a huge turn-off. However if you’re genuinely a kind person and treat people well regardless of what they can offer you, that is very very attractive.
2. “Intelligence and naturally fluid conversation get me every time, and well-fitting clothes convey thoughtfulness and poise. You could look like an inflated lawn gnome and if you’ve got those two things goin’ on, I’d hit it. And I totally dated a guy (with those qualities) that was the spitting image of an inflated lawn gnome. Like to the point where complete strangers would comment on it. So yeah.”
3. Style and hygiene. Good dresser and smells good, your ugliness will kind of fade in the background.
4. A great personality and sense of humor. There’s been so many times that I initially found a guy unattractive, but after an hour or so of laughing and joking with him I’ve realized “Shit, I want to get his pants off.”
5. I find responsibility and ambition extremely attractive. It’s not about money. It’s about a guy who has his shit together, who’s looking for a partner and not a mother.
1. Pretended to be interested in me, we developed a great friendship 3 strong years at the time. Then I met my future husband, he noticed that I have never been so interested and in love with someone. He would comment sarcastically on our pictures on facebook. He then confessed his love for me and begs me to leave him by saying that he has put up with my shit for so long. In my defense, he never showed romantic interest. He lived in Texas, he drove all the way to California to bombard me at 3am, threatening to kill himself If i dont ever love him back, threatened to hurt my husband and such. I called the cops and now I have a restraining order against him.
2. I was friends with this guy for a couple years, but was never interested in dating him. I was fairly certain he was aware of that, and since he never said or did anything that seemed to me like he was interested in me either, I assumed we were legitimately friends. He never asked me out, he never made any comment even suggesting he wanted anything more. We were fairly close, and had a lot of mutual friends. I never thought anything else was going on.
Apparently, this was not the case. A couple days after I got a new boyfriend, I update my relationship status on Facebook. My “friend” calls me within like…2 minutes of this update, and immediately starts shouting at me, demanding to know why he “wasn’t good enough for me” and why my boyfriend “was so much better than him.” I tired to get him to calm down, but he just kept yelling about how he was a “nice guy” and how he had “always been so nice to me, why didn’t I ever give him a chance?” I calmly tried to explain to him that I never got any signals from him, and I didn’t think I ever did anything to lead him on or anything, and he shouted that “he’s such a nice guy and doesn’t deserve to be friend-zoned like this.”
I made one final attempt to salvage the conversation, and tried to explain that I was sorry if he felt deceived, but it also really hurt my feelings that I thought he legitimately valued me as a person and wanted to be my friend, but now he’s just mad I won’t sleep with him. He flat-out screamed at me “FUCK YOU! You’re just a cold bitch! I bet your boyfriend’s an asshole anyway!!!”
I hung up on him and he never spoke to me again. Two years of relatively close friendship down the drain in one phone call. It felt pretty shitty.
1. Was watching a movie together on a couch and she went to lay her head on my lap. I got up to get her a pillow and blanket and set her up on the other end of the couch.
In my defense it was the first time watching The Matrix.
2. Went to a party, was hitting it off with a girl I knew through some social circles. She was cute and a ton of fun, but I had to take off after a few hours.
The party was in a friends apartment in the same building I lived in at the time. She was following me out, saying she needed to leave as well. We both called the elevator, and just kept small talk/flirting going on in the elevator.
I got to my floor, and she said that she thinks she forgot her jacket at my apartment. At this point I didn’t catch what was going on, so I told her that she’s never been to my apartment.
I only realized what the hell was going on after the elevator doors closed.
1. What is a "Nice Guy"?
A woman has a close male friend. This means that he is probably interested in her, which is why he hangs around so much. She sees him strictly as a friend. This always starts out with, you’re a great guy, but I don’t like you in that way. This is roughly the equivalent for the guy of going to a job interview and the company saying, You have a great resume, you have all the qualifications we are looking for, but we’re not going to hire you. We will, however, use your resume as the basis for comparison for all other applicants. But, we’re going to hire somebody who is far less qualified and is probably an alcoholic. And if he doesn’t work out, we’ll hire somebody else, but still not you. In fact, we will never hire you. But we will call you from time to time to complain about the person that we hired.
This reasoning right here is the epitome of “Nice Guy” thinking.
Basically a “Nice Guy” is someone who wonders why if they are so nice and good to women, why they won’t reciprocate (sleep with them)? The reason is: because they don’t have to, and no force in the world can change that. Let’s now get into the nitty-gritty of what’s wrong with being a “Nice Guy” (hereafter referred to as an NG).
1.When you’re going down the pub with your mates and you expect to be back around 11 tell her you’ll be back at around 12. So when you roll in the door at 11 you can claim you left early to see her before you both went to bed.
2. Once you’re in a long-term relationship/marriage, never stop dating your SO. There needs to be some sort of constant courtship to make them feel you still want them, even after all these months/years. I am an expert at not doing this.
3. “You’re not required to set yourself on fire to keep other people warm.”
4.“Marry someone with a different favorite cereal than you so they won’t eat all of yours.” You’d be amazed how much more peaceful life is this way.
5. Best response to: “my SO has changed, and it’s just not working any more”.
“If people can change, then that change is ongoing. Marriage is a beautiful thing that allows two people the time and space to safely fall in and out of love many, many times. Your wife could again become sexual just as easily as a new woman could become cold. I would plead with you to tend your own garden and be patient in its fruits. Paths that have intersected in the past are all the more likely to cross again soon.”
6. Don’t look for a girl you want to treat like a princess, look for a girl you want to treat like a partner. Its very true. I don’t mind carrying my SO, but I need to know she can carry me if I feel down