Gather your stuff

* maters * shrooms * rosemary * garlic * steaky steak (get dry aged, k?)

Do some prep

* butter * cut stuff if you want it cut * rosemary can stay rosemary

Let yo steak be room temperature

Preheat cast iron skillet in oven (450+)

* to get maximum hotness, oh yeaaa

If you haz NY Strip, score fat like hrrr

* prevents some amount of curling

Salt and pepper – lots!

* most falls off in the pan, so go wild * do this right before cooking * salting early does some weird stuff to meat (pulls moisture out)

Grease your meat

* use oil with high smoke point

Make vegetables to pretend like you’re an adult

* olive oil, in the pan * drop your stuff in like so * sprinkly salt and pepper * low – med heat, and you can’t possibly mess this up

Pan on the stove

* Steak in the pan * .. and leave it the fuck alone * 3-4 min. per side for medium (on this particular steak)

Flip steak

* marvel at crust * veggies in the back, don’t need no tending * 3-4 more min. for steaky

* butter * rosemary * garlic * spoon over amaze-sauce on top

Put your fancy stuff on top of steak

* do this to prevent burning everything into blackness * off-camera, flip steak on side to cook fatty side at the end for a minute or so to render it down

Off the heat, and let steaky rest

* foil it up * don’t wrap too tight or you steam away your crunchy crust * rest 5 minutes+ * depends on patience at this point

Veggies, don’t give a fuck

* impossible to mess up * they can do this all day * low heat

Reveal your man food

* unintentional god-lighting

Cut open to reveal the sexy

* Entirely optional, can leave whole * I do it for plating pretty-ness

(via)

Schnitzels and Things

1 veal, 1 pork and 2 chicken schnitzels, layered with 4 hash browns, 10 rashers of bacon and mozzarella.

Death Sausage

3 pounds ground beef, 2 pounds country sausage, 2 pounds smoked bacon, 1 pound andouille sausage, 1 pound chicken strips, and 4 regular size hotdogs, seasoned with various sauces and spices such as BBQ sauce, baconnaise, and bacon flavored seasoning salt.

Monster Baby Meat Sandwich

14 slices of bread, fried sausage, surimi bread, onion rings, eggs, bacon, cheese, house mayonnaise, steak with fried ham, savoyard tartiflette, salami, pickles, red onion, salad, veal cutlet, cooked onion, and mountain ham.

The Big Flippin Burger

Four half pound patties with potato pancakes, five cheeses, grilled peppers, fried onions, lettuce, tomato, bacon, and a pound of fries for a side.

Bacon Wrapped Chicken Wings

Mexican Funnel Cake

Churros topped with whipped cream, chocolate sauce, strawberries and powdered sugar.

The Double-Wide

Chicken fried steak, bacon, cheese, lettuce, tomato, sandwiched between two bacon waffles.

Maple Bacon Doughnut

A donut covered in maple frosting and topped with bacon.

The Jabili

Cookie bottom and cookie top, 9 inches. Layers of Hersey’s milk chocolate, Reese’s peanut butter cups, Twix, two layers of snickers and marshmallows all put together by peanut butter.

Meatzza

A pizza made entirely of meat. The crust is made from ground beef with a perimeter of ground turkey. For toppings: chopped beef roast, buffalo chicken, sausage, sliced ham, bacon, fried hot dogs, chicken nuggets, meat sauce, cheese and pepperoni. The only bread in this pizza was on the chicken nuggets. The Meatzza is enough to feed 8.

The Pizza Burger

Two personal pepporoni pizzas with a hamburger patty on top, with bacon a covered with cheese and ranch dressing.

Meat Mountain

KFC Double Down Luther Sandwich

A KFC Double Down sandwiched between two glazed donuts.

The Bacon Mug

A giant mug made out of bacon filled with cheddar cheese.

Tony’s BLT

One pound of fried bacon on a toasted Italian bread with lettuce, tomato and mayo.

The Steakinator

2 8oz Prime Angus steaks with braised short rib, cheddar cheese, bacon and a fried egg on a toasted cheese and garlic sourdough bun.

Baboon Heart

Cream cheese, burger stuffed with salami, provolone cheese, fried egg, buttered toast, fried turkey, bacon, grilled onions and peppers, spicy ranch dressing, munster cheese, all on a bagel.

Chocolate Pop Tarts and Bacon Sandwich

Whopper Dip

Three whole Burger King whoppers puréed with extra mayonnaise and ketchup, garnished with pickle chips. Served as a dip with baked pita wedges.

Hamburzilla

A hamburger made out of two square pizzas (pepperoni, olives, mushrooms and bacon) instead of bread, and two Quarter Pounders and Fries instead

Meat on Meat 3-Way

Bacon on top of chicken thighs on top of bacon on top of spareribs.

Pork Orgy

2lb bacon weave stuffed with 1lb ground pork, 1lb spicy Italian pork sausage, 1lb cooked bacon. Applewood smoked & basted with bourbon BBQ sauce.

Dorachoes

Cool Ranch, Taco Supreme, and Nacho Cheese doritos covered in two pounds of taco meat, three bags of shredded cheese, jalapenos, guacamole, and sour cream. 

Bacon Lasagna

Sunrise Heart Attack Sandwich

Half pound of sausage, half pound of bacon, half pound of cheese, a 6 egg omeltte, and hash browns, all sandwiched between 2 seven inch, gravy-filled biscuits.

OMGTJMKM Burger

8oz pattie w/ chili, a fried egg, blue, brie, chevre, bacon and an onion ring on whole wheat.

Big Fat Ugly Sandwich

2 Rolls, 4 Cheeseburgers, Double Cheesesteak, Chicken Cheesesteak, Gyro Meat, Grilled Chicken, Bacon, Sausage, Mozzarella Sticks, Chicken Fingers, Chicken Nuggets, Mac N Cheese Bites, Fried Mushrooms, Jalapeño Poppers, Pizza Bites, Onion Rings, Hash Browns, American Cheese, Mayo, Ketchup and French Fries.

2 Burgers 1 Cup

In-N-Out Double Double, pickles and bacon from a Burger King Whopper and a double dose of Nutella spread. 

Tower of Doom Burger

3 pounds of meat, 1/2 pound of bacon, 1/2 pound of cheese, BBQ sauce and a Jalapeño.

Corndog Pizza 

A cheese pizza topped with 7 corn dogs.

Hubcap Burger

Plate-size patty. handful of bacon, tomato and onions with melted cheese.

Mac Flab-a-lanche

30 meat pattys, 30 cheeses slices, fries and 10 chicken nuggets.

Sweet Lou Burger

Two hamburger patties, fried chicken breast, bacon, tomato, lettuce, gravy fries, fried egg, your choice of cheese, and aioli in a cheddar kaiser roll, topped with a whole pickle.

The Double Double QP Down

KFC Double-Down-Double and McDonald’s Double Quarter Pounder

The Fast Food Super Stack

A McDouble from McDonald’s, a Whopper and some onion rings from Burger King, an order of 5-Piece Crispy Chicken Nuggets from Wendy’s and a Taco Bell Chicken Flatbread Sandwich all combined into one delicious 2,170 calorie sandwich.

The BeHemoth Burger

3 pounds of burger, mayo, Anaheim pepper straws, chedder cheese, carmelized onions, Havarti, country ham, lettuce, pickle chips, sauteed mushrooms, hickory smoked bacon, mustard, corned beef, American cheese and tomato plus fries.

Softshell Crab Bacon Ohama Steak Cheeseburger

The Meet Your Maker Burger

A bun, cheese, bacon, 7 oz. cheeseburger, chicken fried bacon, chili cheese dog-burger, 7 oz. cheeseburger, chicken-fried bacon,grilled cheese, bacon, 7 oz. cheeseburger, chicken fried bacon, chili cheese dog-burger, 7 oz. cheeseburger, grilled cheese, fried egg, topped with onion rings and Faribault Creamery cheese curds.

The Double-Wide Trailer Park Sandwich

Chicken fried steak, bacon, cheese, lettuce, tomato, with two bacon waffles as buns.

Mini-Dog Crust Everything Pizza