If you’re a pathetic level 3 Paladin like me, you undoubtedly need the services of a hooker every once in a while. While most linear thinking people use them only for sex, you and I know that they can be used for other awesome activities….

A man who tried to hire a prostitute to take his 14-year-old son’s virginity as a present was was handed a 10-month prison sentence, suspended for a year, after he admitted a charge of trying to solicit a woman to have sex with a child. The father drove the boy out and allowed him to pick out the prostitute in the red-light district. But the 42-year-old father was arrested because the teenager had chosen an undercover police officer.

According to Reuters:

Judge Jonathan Teare said he would spare the father jail because of his excellent character and that he believed he did not mean any harm to his son.

This is incredibly sad and totally awesome at the same time. The dad needs to get the father of the year award, while the son needs to get a slap in the back of the head for picking an undercover cop.

Vince Shlomi, better known as the ShamWow pitchman gave a hooker a piece of his mind, when she bit on his tongue and refused to let go. According to police reports:

According to an arrest affidavit, Shlomi met Sasha Harris, 26, at a Miami Beach nightclub on February 7 and subsequently retired with her to his $750 room at the lavish Setai hotel. Shlomi told cops he paid Harris about $1000 in cash after she “propositioned him for straight sex.” Shlomi said that when he kissed Harris, she suddenly “bit his tongue and would not let go.” Shlomi then punched Harris several times until she released his tongue.

I hope he had a few Sham-Wow on hand to soak up blood from the carpet. You don’t want it to cause mold and mildew.