Sit down folks and let me tell you a story on how I not only entered the friend-zone but I managed to escape. Now I wouldn’t say I’m a novice to the seduction methods around here, but I am far from being good at it as you will see.
This story starts off with your typical boy meets girl (whom I will refer to as Kate) story. I met Kate at a local book store while I was out and about. I believe I went in to buy the hard back copy of one of my favorite books or a cook book. That is not important. What is important is that I spied this beautiful little Asian girl with a copy of John Keats’s complete work tucked under her arm. I quickly worked my way over to her and opened her with a “Is that for school or are you looking for the right romantic words to say to me?” She laughed and told me that she liked his works and it had nothing to do with her Masters. I told her that he was one of my favorite poets and recited one of the verses from a poem he wrote from memory. The look on her face told me that I had performed the equivalent of bringing her to a raging orgasm while she was tripping on ecstasy. I quickly made an excuse to leave and handed her my phone while I went to purchase whatever I was buying. By the time I had finished with my purchase I had her phone number, e-mail , and name already programmed into my phone. She even dialed her phone to make sure I could return the favor.
Over the next few weeks we went out a few times, but each date was unique and a bag full of mixed signals. One date she was buying me drinks and grinding against me while we played pool; the next date she was acting as nervous as if I had told her that Chris Brown was my personal idol. What had made it worse is that I still could not K-close her. By the third date I had grown tired of the game and started to shut her out, which normally works on most girls but on this one just made her grow even more distant. I finally asked her what was wrong and she explained that she was considering taking a job across the country after she finished her courses at the end of the year. She didn’t want to be in a relationship and wouldn’t do anything intimate (including kiss) if she was going to move. After a bit of discussion she asked if I would be ok with just being friends. I stupidly agreed because I had fallen under her spell.
by Nick Notas
Chances are that if you’ve used the internet within the last 10 years, you’ve watched porrn.
Recently, there has been an online movement against overexposure to porrnography. Gary Wilson lead this rebellion by creatingwww.yourbrainonporrn.com along with a now infamous TED talk. His overall message is that masturbating to porrn regularly can produce the following symptoms:
- Erectile disfunction (43% of adult males experience it)
- Difficulty reaching orgasm with a partner (delayed ejaculation)
- Experiencing greater sexual excitement with porrn than with a partner
- Decreasing sensitivity of penis
- Coming when you are only partly erect, or getting totally erect only as you come
- Needing to fantasize to maintain erection or interest with sexual partner
- Earlier genres of porrn are no longer “exciting”
- Declining sexual arousal with a sexual partner(s)
- Losing erection while attempting penetration
- Can’t maintain erection or ejaculate with oral sex
Some people argue that his findings are unscientific and unfounded. Whether you agree with the above is up to you, but I’m not here to argue those points. I’m here to discuss a different negative resulting from porrn that I know is true for many guys.
Consistent masturbation to porrnography stops men from meeting women.
I was skeptical, too and refused to believe it was possible. But over the last few months I’ve thought about my own porrn habits in the past and started digging further into the guys I worked with.
Almost every guy I talked to had the same reason for their dating struggles — they weren’t meeting enough girls. They gave excuses like “I don’t have the time,” or “I just don’t feel like it.” So, I pried further to determine where this lack of motivation stemmed from.
by Nick Notas
I just started watching How I Met Your Mother (I know, I’m late to the party) and I’m constantly inspired by Neil Patrick Harris as Barney Stinson. His fearlessness, brutal honesty, unrelenting optimism, and impeccable sense of style make him a character I can look up to (most of the time.)
Granted, I don’t agree with him on certain points, but damn he has some nuggets of wisdom. If you’re ready to take advice from the epic NPH, then suit up!
A week? That’s like a year in hot girl time.
The longer you wait to take action with a girl, the less likely it is that something will happen. If you get her number, hit her up within 24 hours. If you want to get her on a date, ask her. If you like a girl you’ve been friends with, show her. If you think she looks cute in her dress, tell her. If you want to kiss her, go for it.
Why play the waiting game and “hope it happens”? That rarely works and you’ll end up losing more opportunities than you’ll gain. Strike when the iron is hot — before someone else does and while she’s still interested. Great women don’t wait around.
Dude, lots of chicks think that architects are hot. Think about that, you create something out of nothing. You’re like God. There is no one hotter than God.
Be proud of what you do! It doesn’t matter if you’re a software developer, an aspiring writer, a barista, or a male nurse. There’s value in every job and you should never downplay your abilities. Speak with passion in your voice.
Software developers influence everything we do. Writers fill our hearts and minds with imagination and have the power to change the world. Without baristas we’d all be tired allthe time (well, most of us.) And nurses, save lives.
How does your job benefit society? Who do you help? What’s exciting about it? Own your career path and I guarantee she’ll find it sexy.
by Nick Notas
In my previous post, I let you see the inner workings of my adolescent mind and how I evolved into the sexual man I am today. After I got out of school, I began applying the knowledge I gained from a younger age to the adult dating world. Initially, it didn’t go as well as I’d hoped.
The idea that women wanted to be desired held true more than ever before. However, the way I approached it required some tweaking. You can’t act like an overexcited sixteen-year-old and expect to get the same results you once did. By showing a little restraint and class while still being direct, I discovered an essential element of grown-up dating
Here are the lessons I’ve learned about being a sexual gentleman who gets women hot.
While being bold and sexually assertive is attractive, having the ability to restrain yourself is equally so. If you’re non-stop trying to get her in pants, you look desperate and can be a huge turnoff.
I had a friend growing up in school who always chased after the same girls that I did. He’d poke them, playfully push them, and constantly be saying sexual things. At first it would get them hot, but soon they’d question his intentions and the novelty would wear off.
I would have that same forward attitude but I would break it up by asking meaningful questions. By wanting to learn about girls and sharing stories about myself, I kept them intrigued. By listening to what they had to say with legitimate enthusiasm, I gained their trust. The combination is irresistible.
I never apologize for my interest in sex and nor should you. Too many times I’ve heard guys drop a cute innuendo or be forward about their intentions, only to say sorry or “just kidding” a few seconds later. Any romantic tension the girl was feeling is cut short and the mood is lost.
Now of course, if you say something that gets her truly upset, apologize right away. Most girls will be fine with a slipup as long as it’s followed by a genuine apology. Which leads me to…
by Nick Notas
Don’t be fooled, women know when you’re being genuine with them. Even when they can’t put their finger on it, something in the back of their mind is throwing up red flags.
One of the most important lessons I learned in dating was to be 100% authentic. I dropped the shenanigans, pre-planned lines, and started being me. It was the best decision I’ve ever made and instantly I began building better and stronger connections.
I advise you to start doing the same and feel how liberating it is. It’s time to throw away the masks and start being real.
Be genuine with your intentions
If you like a girl as more than a friend, then you should act as such. Pretending you have no feelings for her and only see her as a friend won’t get you anywhere. It will most likely leave you frustrated and in the friend zone. You’re being untrue to yourself and to her.
Embrace your sexual side as a man – it’s natural. Learn how to create chemistry and tension by teasing, being playful, and through your touch. A woman has to feel that raw attraction before she can be romantic with you. You’ve got to make the moves if you want things to progress. Remember, if at any time she expresses that she’s uncomfortable, be a gentleman and respect her boundaries.
Be genuine with your questions
Common problems I hear from guys are “What do I ask her?” “What do we talk about?” There’s no stock answer that will make her jump into your arms, it all depends on you.
What do you want to know about her? What’s important to you in a woman? Ask her about the things you truly care about. Why ask her about the game last night if you really don’t care? Try topics that intrigue you: find out if she likes rock music, if she’s into psychology, if she goes hiking, or what her passions are.
Your conversations will improve and you will peak girls’ interests. Not many guys have the guts to be their normal, curious self and it often surprises girls. You’ll look confident while showing you actually want to get to know them. And that’s the secret, if you’re authentic in your questions and conversations, she’ll notice and respond positively.
Be genuine with your interests and passions
If you’re a film geek at heart or an aspiring writer, express it without shame. Hiding what you’re into will only come back to bite you — If you end up getting together, she’ll find out eventually anyways. Be honest from the start and she’ll respect you more for it.
You’d be surprised at how many girls will be interested in what you have to say. I’m a tech nerd at heart and I talk about it proudly. I explain it with enthusiasm and in an understandable way that gets her excited as well. I even turned my girlfriend into a Redditor. Plus, why would you want to be with someone who doesn’t appreciate you for you? There’s always someone who will.
Be genuine with your values
If a girl says something you truly disagree with, don’t be afraid to speak your mind. Of course, be reasonable and don’t start an argument, but express how you feel. Too many guys become “yes” men around women and will agree with anything they say. You’ll stand out and make a great impact on her by being bold and discussing your thoughts.
Hold your values and what you believe in closely — they make you who you are and give you character. You can’t try to fit into a certain mold just to impress someone or win them over. It’s a game you can’t win and you’ll end up resenting it in the long run. Be your own man.
CHARACTERISTICS OF A MODERN ALPHA MALE
1. Be a leader of men
People should look to you as a leader. You lead by example. You set the tone for the night. When there’s any doubt about what the next move should be, you’re the one who decides. You take women by the hand. You’re a social hub. You’re the one people look to when they’re looking for a fun time. You’re assertive but take everyone’s feelings into account.
2. Protector of loved ones
If there is one tried and true attribute of the alpha male, it is his ability to take care of the people he loves. The alpha male father could care less if he dies in a struggle as long as his wife and children survive. He puts the value of his life below those he truly cares about. In terms of strength, his body language lets you know that he is not to be messed with regardless of his height or stature.
3. Be firm in your values
You have meditated and thought about your deepest inner values. You are unwavering on these. These can include things as basic as love of life, traveling, studying, religion, or not tolerating condescension or self-defeating behavior. These are the basic pieces that make up your personality and it is important to know what they are. The average, beta male has trouble describing his personal values to others. He looks to others to define who he is. This will not be you. YOU will define who you are. Nobody else.
4. Be self-validated
You do not need the validation of others to define your confidence. You can get “in state” from energy generated purely from within. You don’t look to others for approval because you KNOW you’re an all-star. You’re AWESOME and every fiber of your being knows it. You will not be knocked out of state in the field because nothing can harm your ego. You are awesomeness embodied. Settle for nothing less.
5. Be non-reaction seeking & non-reactive
How someone reacts to your behavior is not particularly important to you. You are self-validated and emanate awesomeness. You are positive, understanding and beneficent to others yet do not need this fact acknowledged. People react to YOU. You do not react to THEM. People seek your approval which you dole out as appropriate. You are outcomes-independent.
6. Have social proof and preselection
Everywhere you go, people want to be associated with you. You have many friends. Beautiful women are part of your life. You accept this as a god-given fact. You own every room you’re in. You’re Bill Clinton. You have an abundance mentality because your life is abundant.
7. Be a value giver (and not a value taker)
You do not NEED approval from others. Approval is something a high value individual doles out to others. Receiving approval is taking value. Seeking approval is being a value taker. YOU dole out the approval. YOU are approached by value takers. YOU are a value giver. Every person you encounter in your life is better off for having met you. Whether it’s just a wave hello to a stranger, a compliment to your butcher, or a massive party you help organize and invite high value people to, you’re enriching the lives of others. You are benevolent and compassionate. You look out for and protect the people in your life.
It was a quaint little café. Dark alcoves with plush couches, dimly lit by small candles. Cool chill house music permeated throughout. The staff always seemed distant, yet their pretentiousness somehow added to the vibe. That, or the effects of a few glasses of wine seemed to mollify their behavior.
The best part, it was two blocks from my apartment, and for a brief period of my life became my second home.
During this time I was averaging about 3 dates a week, always with the same itinerary. We’d have 2 glasses of wine, some superficial conversation, and then head back to my place to test out another bottle.
It worked like a charm. Almost every time the girl would either come back to my place, or offer to head to hers. But it wasn’t leading to sex!!!
At one point, I was “dating” 7 different girls and not sleeping with any of them.
It always ended at the EXACT same point. We’d be rolling around on the bed, shirts would come off, but then the scariest words in the world would come out of her mouth…
Anything beyond that…